


A String Attached To Your Heart

by Lenkia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bad Parenting, Bartender Ben, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben feels guilty for being nasty, Ben is 33, Blackmail, Blood, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Complete, Consensual Underage Sex, Depression, Drunk Sex, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, Extreme bullying, F/M, Finn and the gang are rich brats, Guilt, HEA, Heavy Angst, I don't know about y'all but I feel Lolita vibes idk, Loss of Virginity, Mentioned Mental Facility, Miscarriage, Mr. Niima is a bitch, Mutual Masturbation, Nice Armitage Hux, Non-Traditional Soulmates, Older Man/Younger Woman, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Trauma, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is 16, Rey is lonely and so is Ben, Rich Rey, Rich people being assholes, Romance, Sexual Tension, Size Difference, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage - Freeform, Underage Kissing, Unreliable Narrator (Rey), Unsafe Sex, Violence, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), belive it or not lol, mentioned rape (but it doesn't happen)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-01-26 13:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenkia/pseuds/Lenkia
Summary: Ben never cared for soulmates. It destroyed his parent's lives. He'll be damned if it'll happen to him too.So when he meets Rey, his 16-year old, rich soulmate, he immediately denies her. Ben is not going to jail. Even if laws are different for Soulmate Connections, he still has some kind of morality!But when he finds out about Rey's loneliness, the identical feeling of being unwanted as a child matching his, guilt almost drowns him. Feeling the need to help her from the pain he suffered too, Ben bonds with Rey to fill out her loneliness.Totally innocent. Nothing odd.But it won't take long before the association starts to affect...
Relationships: Ben Solo/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 215
Kudos: 612





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, it's me! I recently finished my story [Regrets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622183/chapters/44157640), and I couldn't wait much longer to start posting a story I've begun to write on. I hope you guys like this! 
> 
> Remember, English is not my first language. Read the tags. Don't like; don't read.

Ben rubs his hands, blowing hot air into his palm knowing it won’t make any difference. He hugs himself next and looks up at the sky, stars painted across the heaven. It’s really beautiful, Ben thinks. And it’s always more beautiful during the coldest of nights. When the air stings in the lungs and the tip of the nose turning ice cold. 

Beauty always comes with pain. 

The door opens up for a few seconds and the trap music escapes together with drunk screams before it slams shut. Ben turns his head behind him to find Armitage Hux, hurrying his way to Ben. 

“Holy shit, it’s cold.” He takes out a cigarette and places it between his lips. “Want one?” 

Ben shakes his head. He tries to quit. 

“These fuckers never go home. Who parties at a Monday?”, Hux complains, letting out the smoke of silver out of his mouth. 

“Assholes”, Ben mutters, scratching his head. “We can’t really complain, though. They fill our pockets.” Hux chuckles. 

Being a bartender at a shitty club called Order First wasn’t Ben’s plan in life, he really didn’t want to end up serving people alcohol all night. But since he was a troubled child, high school barely worked for him and collage… Yeah. He couldn’t afford that. Not after his parents kicked him out. Ben always thought that he’d get his pocket full of money, have a great position at some shitty company like his parents and live his life like an asshole and party with the people inside. 

But Ben was doomed from the start. That would’ve never happened, anyways. Even if he behaved during his teenage years. His parents hated him. 

Describing Ben’s childhood with one word is easy. 

Unwanted. 

Yes, that word describes it perfectly. A broken condom, a mistake. A feeling that has caused Ben many wrongs and little rights but in the end, the typical reason for wanting a child wasn’t it for Ben’s parents. It wasn’t out of love, or out of need. 

Every single day there was a fight between Leia and Han. Every day Ben would cry because his parents were too busy screaming at each other instead of talking to him. Every day they would shoo him away when he came home with a picture he made in school, too tired after a day of work and fighting. Too tired to give him the slightest of attention. 

Not so fucking weird that he got so rebellious as a teenager. 

He did so many bad things as a kid, doing anything for attention and anything to revenge on his parents because he hated them. He hated them for creating an unwanted child. Himself. 

Drink alcohol, smoke weed, skip school. Anything to give them both bad reputation, since they were  _ oh so rich _ . And for every day they only became more and more disappointed in him. The glances they gave were filled with hate and Ben would lock himself in his room and cry because of it. 

Then he’d wake up and make them even more disappointed. 

The last drop was when he crashed Han’s car. That old, rusty shit he loved more than Leia. The Falcon. Ben was drunk, stole Han’s car keys and crashed that thing right into a tree. 

At least they were nice enough to put him in a ten-session boarding therapy before they kicked him out of the house. 

That ten-session did much for Ben. He talked a lot with his therapist. He just needed to talk to someone. Someone to listen and give him attention. He just wanted to know why they created a child they didn’t want. He just wanted to know why! 

“Sometimes,”, his therapist had said. “Sometimes, we are only left with questions with answers we’ll never know.” 

Those words had hit him hard, but it was a truth he needed to hear. It helped him realize that he doesn’t need to know the answer to that question. He’s alive, he’s living in the now. He can’t get stuck on one question. He has to move on with his life. 

Staying at that house with parents who didn’t want him was toxic. So he left and started with his life. 

“You alright?”, Hux suddenly asks, and Ben is back to reality. “Someone bothering you again?” 

Ben chuckles, shaking his head no. 

Being a bartender isn’t easy. There were constantly women jumping over him and Ben would always glare at them annoyed. He wasn’t interested in drunk girls trying themselves for free drinks and he didn’t believe for a second that they wanted to sleep with him. 

It was a problem Ben often complained to Hux. Hux would just roll his eyes and mention that Ben at least doesn’t have a woman. Being married isn’t that easy for a bartender, so Hux always wins in that matter. 

“No, it’s nothing. Just tired.”, Ben sighs. Taking a simple course such as bartending at the age of 18 didn’t seem so bad at the time. “I’ve been working the whole last week, I need some rest. I’m turning old, brother.” Hux laughs, clapping his shoulder. 

“33 is the new 22, but do not worry, Solo. I’ll take your shift tomorrow. I need the money, we’ll never know when a pregnancy will pop up.” Ben rolls his eyes, but it would be nice with some rest. 

“Whatever you say, Hux. Thank you.” Hux nods towards him before Ben’s friend and colleague turned to the door, going back to work. 

“Hurry in, it’s cold as shit. Besides, I can feel Bazine around. She’s probably looking for me.” 

Ben looks up the last time, glaring at the stars before turning towards the door. 

“Man, when the string pulls is such an odd feeling. Like, imagine a string attached to your heart. Then a small tugging. It gives me shivers every time Bazine is near. Such a fucked up thing, this soulmate shit.” 

Like Hux described it, there is a string attached to every person's heart. 

It’s not visible, of course. And it’s not even physical. It’s something great, a connection between two individuals that no one can see or feel except for you and your partner. Being near your soulmate, the string would start to tug and it would turn tighter the closer you’d be until you both see each other, with eye contact. Then the feeling would stop. 

It’s a soulmate thing called Soulmate Connection. A claim that you and the other is a perfect match, even genetically speaking, according to science. Your children would be great, beautiful and  _ perfect _ and what you lack in personality, would be there in your partner. 

A  _ perfect _ match. 

Finding your soulmate will happen in your lifetime, but for others, that’s not always the case. 

The other partner could die, described the feeling as cutting the string with a scissor in your heart, the feeling of anxiety and sadness washing through you before going back to normal. Some just didn’t have luck enough to find their equal other, maybe living on the other side of the planet and some just… don’t care. 

No, some don’t claim their partner as ‘the one’. How many wars hasn’t been played out in history because of Soulmate Connections? Further back in history finding your partner was truly no going back. It would immediately be registered through the Government, a connection stronger than marriage and back in the days, it was required that a loyal relationship would be played between the partners, together with children.

Thanks to many years of revolution, it wasn't required anymore. Many had already fell in love or had families with others, and others just didn’t think it was fair that a ‘string’ would decide your choice of partner. 

It was like that with Ben’s parents. Han and Leia aren’t soulmates and when Leia found her soulmate, someone Ben still doesn’t know who it is, the whole relationship exploded.

So he never cared about soulmate-shit, anyways. He doesn’t care that almost 80% of the cases lead to a happy ending, or that Hux is so happy with his wife. 

It destroyed the lives of his parents, it’s not going to destroy his life too. 

Ben is watching TV, eating popcorn directly from the bag when his cell phone next to his leg vibrates. It’s Fear Factor on the screen and watching people eat bugs is disgusting, yet he can’t stop looking, so Ben takes up his phone and answers immediately without leaving his eyes from the screen.

“Yes?” 

“Ehm, Ben where are you?” It’s Hux and there is music at the background pounding into his ear. Ben rolls his eyes. It feels like work is always following his ass, even at home. 

“It’s my day off, remember? What, you don’t have people who can come in?”, Ben sighs, glancing at the clock. It’s barely 12, and Ben wants to rest today. He works way too much since his jackass boss keeps threatening him to hire younger and fresher bartenders. 

They are bartenders, not strippers! 

“Oh, okay, it’s just….” Ben furrows his brows and it’s now that he notices Hux’s hesitating voice. The Hux he knows is never nervous or stuttering. He’s always serious, a favorite by the ladies and the men, even if his soulmate Bazine gets crazy about it. 

Ben takes the remote and turns the TV off, the dramatic pictures of fried cockroaches disappearing. 

“Hux, is everything alright?” It turns quiet on the other line except for the beat from the music, a muffled sound that is somehow more dreading then silence. 

Hux finally speaks,

“There is a girl, claiming she’s your soulmate. Right in front of me…” 

Ben's eyes widen and the grip around his phone turns tighter. His heart stops to beat and his mind turns blank because  _ what the fuck? _

Before he can think, question after question pops up in his head, almost making Ben blind by the fact that he even has a soulmate.

No, he had been so busy crying about being an unwanted kid to his parents and making them suffer during his teenage years that it didn’t occur. And after his teenage years, he was busy starting his life again, fresh and independent. And now, he thought about how many years have gone since he last talked to his parents, rather than about some random woman out there. How many times the subject has been brought up or the fact that this society is obsessed with Soulmate Connections, Ben never had the chance to put a thought in it. The only thing he has thought about when the word soulmate pops up is his parents. Not good at all. 

“How does she know that?”, Ben whispers, not knowing if Hux heard him. Usually, when finding your soulmate, the string would tug until eyes meet. But he’s sitting on his couch, alone while there is someone at work, claiming he’s her soulmate. 

“Ben, she looks…” He can almost hear him cover his mouth with his palm and turning away. “She looks fucking  _ loaded _ .” Ben’s eyes widen even more because this only means one thing. 

She has been looking for him and she has the money to find him. Only the richest can afford to do an advanced DNA test to find their partner. 

Dread almost choke him. This rich lady claims to be his soulmate. She will  _ not  _ be happy with him. He can already imagine this face-less woman’s hope crumble and claim that they don’t have to ever meet again. 

And he’d be, once again, unwanted. 

“I…”, Ben stutters. “I don’t know what to do…” 

“I know what you do. You get your ass here and meet up with this girl immediately. We’ve been standing in the cold a  _ very  _ fucking long time. She’s not allowed in.” 

Then he hangs up and Ben stares into the black TV with big eyes. 

_ What _ ? 

Ben hurries through the streetway, almost bumping into two drunk girls laughing their way through the night. When he sees unsober people and hears the catchy music, he knows he’s near. 

Coming to work on his free day wasn’t something Ben would ever do, but Hux just called him and claimed that his soulmate is there. Even though it’s just a few degrees, his exhales turning into a fog, Ben is sweating in nervousness, both his hand buried in his pockets. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he was this nervous. Hell, he has never been this nervous! How could some unknown woman make him feel this way? It’s scary. 

He hopes it’s just a mistake, but something starts to happen in his heart. An uncomfortable feeling and Ben stops in his track. Taking in the feeling of the string slightly tugging and he gasps. 

It’s uncomfortable as hell. This is how it must feel for Hux and the rest of the word having a soulmate. A feeling everyone has described perfectly, so there is no doubt. 

His soulmate is here. 

Like a string, Ben follows it. He follows the feeling leading him closer and closer to work and it keeps getting tighter until drunk people are laughing and vomiting right outside the entrance. Walking right past them, even if some of the regulars ask for a beer and almost collapse. 

Ben sees Hux, smoking a cigarette and when his friend sees him, Hux’s eyes open up and waves his hands all over the place. Like Ben can’t see him. God, his heart. The string feels way too  _ tight _ . 

“Ben, Ben!”, Hux screams and it’s then Ben notice. 

A girl, a young girl, with a pink coat, white boots, and wave long hair is standing with Hux. Innocence and rich are screaming just by the way she dresses and Ben stops in the track. 

His heart, it’s not normal. This feels weird, is this supposed to be like this?

Ben is clutching his heart over his biker jacket, trying to calm himself. Thinking if he should tell Hux to call an ambulance. But it all stops. The feeling disappears. 

Because the young lady turns around and their eyes meet. 

Her eyes are as wide as his, the color of hazel almost covering her whole face. Her pouty lips are slightly parted and pink color is spread across the apples of her cheeks. Just as her pink nose caused by the cold. She’s clutching her white purse with both her hands, Chanel, and she has pink, pearl hair accessories that match her coat. 

They stare at each other, the pure shock of finally finding their soulmates. In the middle of an unsafe street outside a nightclub where people are puking right next to them. 

Ben tries not to hyperventilate, tries not to panic when his soulmate smiles, heaving heavy in happiness like she’s so happy to see him. So happy to see this tall, giant, dark-clothed man stand in front of her. 

She must be flying in joy, that she finally found her soulmate with the help of dollars. Her teenage dream coming true, probably watching way too many chick-flicks about a moment like this and now it’s happening to her. 

More than a minute goes by of just staring, and when the girl opens her mouth to speak, Ben interrupts. 

“How fucking old are you?”, Ben almost cries, eyes blank in shock and his soulmates smile disappears. Replaced by surprise and sadness and Hux puts his palm over his eyes and sighs. 

Because this girl is  _ half  _ the size of him. She must be 5’4 compared to his 6’4, and while she’s small and fragile, he’s only muscle. Taking up way too much space. Her features are wrinkle-free, a sign of youth and Ben can see that puberty just finished with her and the thought almost makes him puke. 

He maybe shouldn’t have expressed the question like that. The girl's eyes start to water and her under lip is quivering.

“I-I’m 16.” Ben clenched his jaw and he can hear Hux sigh once again. His soulmate. Is 17 years younger than him. 

Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck! _

The girl sobs loudly, wiping her tears with her fingers. Pink, manicured fingers. “I’m… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bother you, I just-”

“No, sweetheart!”, Hux tries. He stands beside the girl, patting her shoulder while she cries into her palms. All while Ben continues to stare at this woman. This  _ girl _ . How could this happen? “No, there is no need to cry. Ben’s just shocked, y’ know.” Hux gives him a glare that tells him to behave and Ben tries to figure out how his soulmate managed to make Hux fall for her in just the half-hour they waited on him. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”, Ben stutters, scratching his head awkwardly as the lady finally looks up at him. “I’m just… shocked.” 

“I understand.”, his soulmate whispers, trying to calm down. She takes out a handkerchief from her purse and wipes her cheeks and the little mascara that has run down discreetly. “I just… didn’t think this through…” Ben clears his throat, trying to ignore her way too odd behavior. Just…  _ rich-y _ . 

“Ehm… so, what’s your name?” 

“Rey. Rey Niima.”, Rey looks up and gives Ben a small smile. “And you are Benjamin Solo.” 

Ben blush, thankful for the cold weather disguising his red cheeks. 

Yeah, this was way too weird. 

“Look, Rey.”, Ben starts, feeling Hux’s deadly glare burning on the side of his face.  _ Do not hurt her feelings _ , the stare said. “I’m 33 years old.” Rey nods like she’s listening to a teacher lecturing. Not weird at all. “And I’m a bartender. Not much money.” She nods again, waiting for him to come to his point. 

But that was his point and Ben tries to figure out if she’s stupid and doesn’t get the hint, or if she just simply doesn’t care.

He figures out it’s the second. 

“I don’t mind.”, Rey smiles once again and Ben’s face turns pale. “I know I’m young but I still want to meet my soulmate and hang out with him. I wouldn’t have looked after you if I didn’t want to be with you!” 

Her way too joyful smile makes Ben almost see black. 

Was she… is she stupid? Doesn’t she realize that he’s way too old for her? That  _ this _ is illegal and that he’s not interested in  _ hanging _ out with a teenage girl?

“Rey-”, Ben tries, wanting to break the hard truth but Rey interrupts happily. 

“We can talk more at this diner I always wanted to try! My friend thinks it’s gross since everything is so cheap, but I’ve always wanted to try a cheeseburger.”, she states with laughter, clapping her hands together. “I’ll just call my maid and tell her I’ll be a bit late home.” Then she jumps away in joy, fishing up her iPhone out of her purse and walks away. Her boots echoing loudly after herself, and both Hux and Ben is completely dumbfounded. Both staring at each other with great shock spread across their faces. 

“What. The.  _ Fuck _ ?”, Ben cries in a whisper, placing his palm over his mouth as Hux exhales loudly. 

“Ben, you need to calm down-” 

“Calm down?! She’s 16 years old, Hux! She’s a child and she is rich as fuck! She is my  _ soulmate _ .” 

“Look, Ben.”, Hux sighs. “It’s not the 30’s, you’re not forced to marry and create children! It’s not the first time a case like this has happened. Way too young soulmates or way too old ones. It usually ends with both parties agreeing to not let anything happen.” 

“ _ Both _ parties?”, Ben almost screams. “She doesn’t look like she’s want to end this!” Hux shakes his head. 

“You just have to convince her, Ben.”


	2. Chapter 2

At the diner, Rey orders a cheeseburger with fries and a strawberry milkshake. Ben orders the same thing, not really finding the meny so important right now. He notices people's odd stares and suspicious glares when they walk by the innocent-looking young girl and a criminal looking old man. Ben just wished at that moment that they could also feel the tugging string, to let them know that they are soulmates and not a sugar daddy pair. Or something worse.

Ben glance at Rey jumping happily in her chair when the burger comes out. Her white, bright, rich-people teeth in a smile when she sees the milkshake too. It matches her white blouse she’s wearing. Everything is light with her. From head to toe, there is only white and baby pink. Every item high-end brand. 

Ben sighs. 

“How do you eat this thing? Where are the utensils?”, Rey asks and Ben sighs even louder. 

“You eat burgers with your hands.” His soulmate notices his unimpressed face, causing Rey to blush madly in shame. She shakes her head and takes up the burger in her hands next. 

“I-I knew that.”, she whispers before taking a bite. Ben picks up his cheeseburger too. 

They eat in silence for a few moments, before Rey moans loudly. 

“Wow, so good! It’s really greasy, though…”

“It’s the grease that makes it so good.”, Ben adds, putting some fries in his mouth. 

“Right!” Rey drinks a bit from her shake, wiping her hands clean after.

Before Ben can take another bite of his burger, he notices Rey staring at him with a smile. Playing with the straw innocently while tilting her head and Ben suddenly feels uncomfortable. 

“This is like our first date…”, Rey giggles and Ben turns pale, almost dropping his burger in his lap. “I’m so happy. This couldn’t have been better.” 

“Rey…”, Ben starts, putting down his food carefully. He licks his lips and leans forward so that when he says the words, she won’t be embarrassed that may hear. “This is not a date.” 

Once again, Rey blushes and shakes her head with wide eyes. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, sorry!”, she laughs nervously, shaking her hands too. “I just meant that when we like… are together, in the future, of course, this will count as our first date, right?”

Ben stares at her. For one, two, three seconds before he swallows in frustration. 

Are together?  _ Together?! _ No, no he wants to go home. He wants to watch Fear Factor and complain about how tired he is and listen to Hux’s sex life during breaks. He wants his old, boring life back, to push annoying women of himself at work and eat popcorn straight out of the bag. 

He doesn’t want this teenager who already seems to be planning seat places at the wedding as his soulmate.

“Rey,  _ no. _ ”, Ben says determined and it startles Rey. Her smile disappears and replaced with surprise instead. “We are  _ not _ getting together! You are sixteen. I’m 33. Anything like that is illegal!” 

“No, when you’re soulmates it’s allowed!” Ben almost choke on his spit.

“Oh, okay how about morality, then?”, he screams in a whisper. “It’s simply not right for a man and a _girl_ to be together, Rey!” 

Rey stare at Ben for a few seconds before he notices her eyes turning shiny, sobs slowly surfacing and Ben wants to sigh and message his head. But the action would be way too rude, and right now, he can’t handle this girl suing him and sending hundreds of lawyers on him.

But she has to understand. He can’t be with a girl. She’s a child and it’s not right. 

“I’m…”, Rey cries, staring at her burger in a few tense minutes before she sobs loudly. Tears landing on the dirty table. “I’m just so… lonely.” 

Ben doesn’t know why, but her words feel like a knife straight to the heart. Her small cries, the pain across her face and her little shivering body affect Ben deeply and for the first time, he actually pities his soulmate. 

Guilt slaps Ben straight across the face and he immediately regrets his hard words. Even if she’s rich and bit odd, maybe that has its reasons. No one in their right mind would want a relationship with someone 17 years older than themself. Maybe she is lonely. 

“Rey, I…”, Ben whispers confused. “I was lonely too. When I was your age.” His soulmate looks up at Ben with swollen eyes and now Ben understands why Hux immediately took a liking in her. She’s cute, really beautiful too. 

“You were?” 

“Yes.” Ben bites his lips before shaking his head. “But this isn’t the right thing to do to cure loneliness.” Rey’s eyes become wider and her under lip is quivering when Ben stands up. He scratches his head awkwardly before putting 20 dollars on the table. 

“I can’t be your friend, and I can’t definitely be more than that. I know this doesn’t match the ideal way of meeting a soulmate, but you’ll thank me when you get older. Bye, Rey.” 

Then Ben turns around and leaves. 

No, this will not destroy his life. 

“Cold. Straight up cold.” Ben huffs at Hux through the phone, concentrating on mixing the right amount of chili in his stew. He likes his food hot. 

“Cold or not, I did the right thing.”, Ben claims, wiping his hands on his apron while glancing at the phone like Hux is sitting in the kitchen with him and not on speaker. “She’ll realize that herself.”

“Maybe she already has. A week has gone by with not a word from her, right?” Ben hums his yes. “Talk about breaking that kid's heart. How many nights hasn’t she dreamt of finding her hot, blonde, ‘Jake’-looking ass soulmate? These chick-flicks create a false image, man.” 

“Wasn’t your meeting with Bazine like that?”

“Eh, kind of.” Hux chuckles, his voice turning dramatic. “We saw each other at a bar. I felt the tugging, looked around the room and when we saw each other, the tugging stopped.  _ Wow _ , I thought. Such beauty. Such charisma.” Ben stare at the phone and cringe deeply. “Then we took it to the bathroom and fucked against the wall-”

“Okay, not interested!”, Ben screams while Hux laughs loudly.

“Just wanted to let you know how my chick-flick experience was. It’s different, y’ know. When it’s with your soulmate, everything is  _ so much _ better.” 

Before Ben could answer sarcastically back, there is a knock on the door. Ben says his goodbyes, assuring Hux that his story will give him trauma tonight before hanging up. Taking the stew off the stove, making sure it won’t burn before he walks towards his door. 

It’s probably the neighbor asking for sugar, Ben thinks, reaching for the handle. That old cat-woman loves to borrow sugar. 

But when he opens the door, it’s not the cat-woman he sees. 

It’s a kid. A teenager. With way too colored, way too edgy clothes that Ben just knows cost more than his salary for a year. Supreme all the way. A real hype beast. Piercing in his nose, a long earing almost resting on his shoulder. His hair is newly cut, faded and shoes that tells Ben straight up that he’s poor. 

The boy looks at Ben’s shocked expression, almost a bit bored and annoyed. 

“Who are you?”

“Name’s Finn. Ben Solo?", the teenage asks, chewing on his gum. Ben nods dumbfounded. “Yeah, knew you’d be some old, lame dude. Rey and her fucking daddy issues.” 

Before Ben can even attack this fucking brat for calling him lame, the name of his soulmate confuses him even more and he stares at this Finn with wide eyes. 

“Once again, who the fuck are you?”, Ben asks annoyed through clenched teeth, rather wanting to slam the door right in his face. Teenagers don't have any respect. 

“I’m Rey’s friend. Or more like, our parents work with each other from different companies and uses us for better contacts with each other.”, Finn claims casually like he’s explaining his daily routine. Ben can only stare at him and try to figure out if this is a joke. Do rich people actually do shit like that? And should it really surprise him that Rey’s parents work at a company with high status? 

“Okay, and what does that have anything to do with me and _daddy_ _issues_?”, Ben mutters, making Finn chuckle.

“Yeah, so I heard you turned down Rey. She’s kinda depressed now. Hasn’t gotten out of her bed in a week or so. She always has those periods but this one is awful.” 

“What?”, Ben asks with wide eyes. 

“Yeah, you really crushed her, dude. Her maid got worried, so she contacted me and here I am.” Finn rolls up his sleeve and his Rolex almost blinds Ben. “I was supposed to go to the club, but whatever.” 

Ben continues to stare at Finn, actually trying to figure out if he’s telling the truth. No, he clearly wasn’t friends with Rey, because most of the time, friends care for each other. But Ben doesn't doubt that he’s saying the truth. 

Rey is depressed, and according to Finn, she has ‘those’ periods and if that’s not a lie, it means that Ben broke her heart. It means that when she told him that she was lonely, she had meant it. 

Ben feels like the evilest person on this planet. Because he, of all people, should know how that feels. How many nights when he was Rey’s age hasn’t he cried after someone to just be with him? To talk with? He was so fucking lonely. 

Ben bites his lips in pure guilt.  _ Fuck _ . 

“Do you know her address?” 

Ben shouldn’t be impressed, but he is. 

When his GPS told him that he had arrived at his destination, he couldn’t help but drop his jaw. The house was more like a mansion. White and big, with an unnatural green yard and white picket fence across the house matching the motives around the big windows. 

It was that kind of mansion not rich people have, but  _ rich _ people have. The kind of rich that doesn’t know what to do with their money so they get a house that they know they can’t handle so they get a lot of maids and housekeepers too.

So Ben isn’t surprised when he sees a young lady in black and white come to great him in the driveway. Ben is way too nervous to function, handshaking when he closes the door of his old Toyota. 

“Welcome, Mr. Solo.”, the maid smiles. “My name is Kaydel, and I’m Ms. Niima's maid. I’m happy you came. Please follow me.” Before Ben can even thank her, the blonde woman turns around and leads him to the five steps up to the front door. 

Ben’s breath hitches when he’s standing in the hallway. Or more like a ballroom. It’s big, white and easy. Not a lot of furniture, which gives the room more space and more elegancy. In front of him, further away, is a big stairway in marble. The kind of stairs you see in movies, the one with one giant stairway that parts two ways to the next floor. Fucking unbelievable. 

A poor housekeeper walks past them and Kaydel stops her. 

“Please, inform Ms. Niima that Mr. Solo is here. She won’t be happy with me if she doesn’t have the chance to freshen up.” The housekeeper nods before hurrying up the stairs. 

“I’m not planning to stay long.”, Ben says, making Kaydel turn her head towards him. 

“I understand that you've been put in a hard position, Mr. Solo. But Ms. Niima is worrying me and it’s my duty to make sure she’s fine. That poor kid is so lonely.”, she whispers, her eyes turning blank and Ben swallows in pure guilt.

“Where are her parents?” Kaydel lowers her voice. 

“Mrs. Niima ran away when Ms. Niima was two years old. Mr. Niima is working. Oversees. For the last 4 years.” 

_ Damn it, why did he ask?  _ Ben wasn’t supposed to come here to compare childhood tragedies, because as far as he knows, Rey and his up growing are almost identical. That’s why Ben is standing in this fancy hallway instead of shrugging his shoulders and ignoring his soulmate. Rey is alone, she’s suffering and going through the same shit as he did and Ben wants to… 

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to have a bond with a child, but he doesn’t want her to suffer as he did. Ben knows how much it hurts to be lonely and unwanted, and maybe he can save Rey from that awful feeling. How? He doesn’t know, because he definitely doesn’t want a  _ bond with a child! _

He has to make sure that Rey knows that being there for her is for trying to spare her from suffering, and  _ not _ being there as a soulmate. 

Before Ben can give Kaydel an awkward  _ ‘oh’ _ , the sound of small, hurried footsteps running down the stairs makes both him and the maid raise their head towards the stairway. He can feel the string in his heart-tugging, making him cringe as the uncomfortable and new feeling. 

That uncomfortable feeling turns stronger and stronger fast until it suddenly stops because there Ben’s soulmate stands. Eye contact cutting the pulling of the string. Her hair stands in three messy buns, she's wearing a long pink nightgown and her eyes are wide in excitement.

The sight of Ben makes her smile big and she heaves loudly in happiness. 

“Ben!” 

Kaydels eyes become as wide as Reys and she smiles as big as her, glancing at Ben like he is the reason she ran out of her room she isolated herself in. Like _he_ can change her being depressed to happy. 

Well, he just did. Right. 

“Ms. Niima, you’re out of bed! I’m so relieved!” Kaydel smiles at Ben like she found the right cure to treat Rey with when she’s lonely and sad. 

Ben swallows in nervosity and regret.

“I’m so happy you came to visit.”, Rey exhales happily, drinking from her cup of tea before placing it on the glass table, the porcelain clinging loudly in the living room. 

Ben is sure that this area is bigger than his own apartment. Who is he kidding? It is. Just like the hallway, it’s simple. Two big couches that they sit on, a table, a piano in the corner, big ass windows and a carpet. Nothing else, yet the simplicity of it makes the room feel more elegant, classy and just big.

Ben stares at his own tea in front of him, remembering one of the housekeepers placing two cups to them before leaving them all alone, closing the door to give them privacy. 

There was no need, no need for privacy. 

“Yeah, it’s just…”, Ben mutters, leaning forward. “Some guy named Finn came to me the other day.” Rey’s eyes widen and her cheeks become as pink as her dress.

“H-He did? Ugh, I’m so sorry!”, she cries, shaking her head in embarrassment. Completely ignoring eye contact. “It must’ve been Kaydel who told him…” 

“He said that you were… sad.” Ben can’t find the right word for such a personal word, but it’s enough for Rey to get the point. “That you have periods like that.” 

His soulmate continues to stare at him a few moments, a conflict going on inside her head. Either she tells him the truth, or she won't. But just looking at the innocence on her face, young and pure, he knows she’ll tell the truth. 

“I’m…”, Rey starts embarrassed, glaring at her fingers picking on her nails. “I don’t have many friends. Well,  _ I do _ but... sometimes they don’t understand. And dad is gone all the time and it’s just so quiet and big at home and I have Kaydel but I know I’m just her work in her eyes and sometimes I feel like I should’ve never been born.” 

Rey glances up with nothing but sadness in her eyes and Ben swallows when Rey stare right through his souls. 

“I feel… unwanted.” 

_ This is it _ , Ben thinks. This is the reason. This is the reason why destiny put these two together as soulmates. That word described Ben’s childhood perfectly, it does for Rey too. Putting two, damaged souls together with no thought about other factors whatsoever, seemed like a good idea for the Connection. 

It isn’t, because Ben shouldn’t be sitting here because of guilt. He should be sitting with his soulmate for other reasons. 

“I know it seems silly but…” Rey chuckles with no humor, shaking her head. “I thought that maybe a soulmate would be the answer. I thought that maybe destiny may put me up with someone who could fill that emptiness. Erase that feeling of being an outcast of this world.” 

“Rey.”, Ben says strongly, making the tear-eyed girl glance up at her soulmate with surprise on her face. The way he said her name was filled with force, but he wants her to listen to him carefully. “I know how you feel, believe me. Please believe me when I tell you that I understand.” Rey continues to stare at his desperate face before she nods slowly.

“I believe you.” 

“When I was at your age, I just suffered and suffered and suffered. That pain is the same you go through now and I don’t want you to feel like that. I don’t want anyone to feel like that.” Ben swallows one last time before he takes charge and opens his mouth. “I want to be there to fill that emptiness. I want to make sure you don’t suffer the way I did.”

Rey’s eyes widen and Ben thinks he hurt her feeling until she starts to smile. Her lips almost bursting and eyes watering, and it eases Ben’s guilt. It feels better now. 

“You do?” 

“Yes, but not… romantically, Rey. Never.”, Ben assures, his cheeks turning slightly red and he can see the disappointment in her eyes that he ignores. Yet, she continues to smile and she takes up her cup of tea again. 

“Thank you, Ben. Maybe I was right. Maybe my soulmate can make me feel wanted.” Ben nods slowly and Rey plays with the edge of the cup with her manicured finger. She seems satisfied and rested. “I’d like to go back to that diner again. I really liked it there….” 

“Let’s go then, tomorrow?”, he asks hurried and impersonal, feeling a slight kind of panic inside. Maybe this is wrong, maybe he did the wrong thing. This is not like a date, and he hopes she understands that. 

Rey nods and takes a sip, glaring at him through the edge of the cup with a smile. 

“You’re going out tomorrow?”, Hux says over the sound of the music, the pounding and screaming from the people making Ben unfocused on his drink. Did he put enough vodka in the tequila? 

“Yeah, yeah.”, Ben mutters, putting the drink in a glass and serving it to a lady who is already three glasses in. She thanks him with a burp before taking the whole thing in one go. He turns towards Hux, wiping the sweat on his forehead. “Not a date, though. Just…”

“Therapy?”, Hux fills in sarcastic and Ben rolls his eyes annoyed. “Damn, imagine wanting to get all romantic with your soulmate and _surprise,_ your soulmate is a dad!” 

“Look, I don’t care what her expectations are. I can’t fulfill them all, but I can with one and that is to make her feel seen.”

“Let me change my word.”, Hux chuckles. “ _ Charity. _ ” Ben huffs annoyed. 

“I’m not having a relationship with a 16-year old girl!” 

“You already have one, Ben! She’s your damn soulmate, every innocent thing you do will eventually lead to something more, whenever you like it or not.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”, Ben almost screams in anger, his attention fully on Hux. Both out of curiosity and wanting to beat him up. 

“You are biologically connected, the whole thing with Soulmate Connection is to make the perfect offspring, just like sex is to populate the world. It’s normal! You and Rey are more than soulmates. You’re a man and a woman, and how innocent things are at first, it will eventually lead to something more. You can’t control that, it’s faith. Human instincts.” 

“I’m not going to give in to ‘human instincts’! She’s a child, you sick fuck!”, Ben screams, thankful that the music is covering his wails. Otherwise, people would’ve stopped partying and stared at him like Ben is the sick fuck. “I’m just making sure she’s not lonely.” 

“Whatever you say, bro.” Hux lifts his arms. “I’m just letting you know the truth.” Ben glares at him annoyed before turning around to cut some limes. 

He doesn’t believe in soulmates anyways. Look at his parents, it destroyed their relationship and their fucking lives and he is damned if Rey will destroy his too. 

He just… sees Rey in him as a teenager and he wants to help, just like he needed help when he was lonely. What’s wrong with that? 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the nice comment! I get super motivated to write, so thank you!! 
> 
> 4k words for y'all, plz enjoy!

They said four PM outside the diner, but not more details. It wasn’t needed really since they had the Connection. The closer they got, the more the string pulled and Ben could feel it tugging even tighter as he walked towards the diner. When would he get used to the feeling? It’s uncomfortable.  It’s pulling really tight right now since he’s standing a few feet away from her. 

Rey is looking at her clock, silver and glittery before she drags down her sleeve and looks around. She’s chewing her lips and searching for him with her eyes. 

She’s wearing white. A white skirt with pearls on, even if it’s a few degrees. Pantihose and fluffy white shoes with a white coat. Her hair is wavy and perfect, just like the small layer of makeup she has on. 

The whole deal with Rey almost scares Ben. She’s just too perfect. How every piece of item fits her perfectly, how not a single sling of hair has escaped her waves and even the cold has made her cheeks just the right amount of pink. How is that possible? 

Ben clutch his biker jacket around him tighter and walks towards her, taking heavy inhales that cause small, white smoke to appear. He can only hope everything will be good. That they’ll both separate, Ben with less guilt and Rey a less alone. 

Rey finally sees him and the pulling immediately stops. She smiles big and Ben smiles back. 

“Hey. Did you wait long?”, he asks, rubbing his hands together. 

“No, no. Just a few minutes.” She’s lying, she must have been here at least a half-hour earlier. Otherwise, she wouldn’t shiver as much as she does.  _ Lord, Ben feels sorry for her.  _

“Let’s go inside then.” 

Rey orders the same thing as before. Cheeseburgers and strawberry milkshake, Ben does too. He glances at Rey when she smiles brightly while talking to the waitress who couldn’t help but complicate her coat. 

She is really cute . The kind of cute who would be a favorite by the teachers, called  _ America's sweetheart _ if she’d went missing and would win lots of beauty pageants if she attended. The complete opposite of Ben. They really are nothing alike, nothing except having been unwanted and it makes Ben sigh that it’s the  _ only _ reason they are soulmates. Couldn’t biology just had  _ tried _ a little harder? 

“I just love this diner.”, Rey exhales happily after the waitress is gone. She places both her palms in her lap and sighs. “I tried to convince my friends that we’d go, but they just laughed at me.” Ben is not surprised. The way her ‘friend’ Finn acted, Ben can already see his face filled with disgust at Rey’s request. 

“They really are your friends?”, Ben asks, unable to hide his annoyance in his tone. Rey sighs once again, looking down at the table a bit ashamed. 

“Well… I know that our parents just use us to get better contact with each other, but they’re nice. Sometimes.” 

“Mhm.”, Ben hums unimpressed, making Rey giggle lightly. “Whatever you say.” 

“I saw a video, once.”, Rey starts, all sign of worry on her face gone. Replaced with big, sparkling eyes filled with excitement and it almost makes Ben squint with his eyes, the brightness too much. “There was this bartender who filled 12 glasses of alcohol in one go. Can you do that? I thought it was so cool!” Ben chuckles, the question kind of funny and ridiculous. 

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried.” 

“How did you become a bartender, anyways? I’m really curious.”, Rey smiles, leaning forward. Ready for the story. 

Ben doesn’t know if he should go with the short or the long story. The easy or the truth. But sitting in front of the girl who he knows is going through the same shit as he did, makes his decisions change just a bit. He isn’t the type of person to straight out tell his business, but… she is his soulmate after all. 

“I was 18 when I applied to a bartender school. Right after my parents kicked me out of the house.” 

All kinds of excitement leave Rey's eyes and Ben kind of realizes that he destroyed the mood.  _ Shit _ . 

“I was such a troubled kid, y’know. They couldn’t deal with me. But I always knew there was something else. They didn’t… want me.”, Ben mutters, scratching the back of his head. Trying to ignore Rey’s unreadable expression that showed nothing but understanding. 

“I feel it too.”, Rey whispers and suddenly the waitress is standing in front of them with two plates of food. 

They eat the rest of the meal in silence. But not an awkward, horrible one. Just a comfortable silence and they both smile over their hamburgers. 

It feels nice, knowing he isn’t alone. Even if it happened 15 years ago, it’s nice. 

Ben is standing outside the club, rubbing his hands together as the music pounds through the wall. Right now, he’d like to take a smoke but he’s trying to quit. It’s always nice taking a smoke on his breaks, especially after seeing flashing lights and hearing shitty DJ music eight hours into the night. Besides, it’s cold as shit. It’s 2 AM and Ben is sure that snowflakes will fall from the sky any minute now. 

Standing on the backside of the club, were staff usually takes a break and smoke the ten minute they have, Ben leans against the wall and waits on Hux. They usually take their break at the same time so they can catch up with fucked up things they saw just a few hours into the night they worked. 

Ben saw a lady give a man a handjob under one of the sideboards just ten minutes ago and he shooed them away angry, told them to take it to the bathroom or fuck off. He couldn’t wait until Hux arrived, that man always does and sees the craziest shit. But Ben’s sure his story will top his. 

Exhaling loudly, causing a silvery smoke puff from his mouth, Ben closed his eyes. In three days he’s going to meet Rey again. They decided, every Friday at around 4 PM, they’d meet at the diner and just hang out. Eat cheeseburgers and shake, catch up and making sure Rey doesn’t get depressed. 

They'd meet in public, just talking. Very innocent. Nothing can go wrong. 

Ben takes out his phone from his back pocket, huffing annoyed. It’s cold as shit out here and Hux isn’t here yet. According to his phone, he has been standing here for four minutes-

Ben stops rambling in his head, both eyebrows raised in surprise when he sees four missed calls. From Rey. 25 minutes ago.

They exchanged numbers, just in case something happens. Like they’ll be late or they have to cancel. Ben didn’t think she’d call in the middle of the night, why would she call in the middle of the night? Several times? 

Did something happen to her?

Something Ben hasn’t felt in a long time blooms inside of him and his heart starts to beat faster. 

He’s scared. Scared for his soulmate. Afraid that something has happened so he presses the icon with her name on and places the phone against his ear. He can’t stand still, pacing around the little space while chewing on his lips as the signals go. 

_ What is happening? Did she get into an accident? Why would she call so many times? Is she alright? Ben didn’t feel anything, so she isn’t dead but what if- _

“Hello?”

“Rey, what is happening, is everything alright?”, Ben immediately rambles, stopping in the track. Her voice sounds small, a bit shaky too and  _ oh God is she alright? _

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just….” There is a pause, a pause of guilt or regret or something else Ben doesn’t care about because he needs to know if she’s fine. 

Seconds go by before Rey talks again. 

“Can you come and pick me up?” 

Ben turns quiet. He doesn’t really know what he’s thinking, what he’s doing or what he’s about to do. He shouldn’t. He can’t just leave work, right in the middle of a shift. His boss will be so mad if he finds out and he can’t risk anything. 

But something inside Ben tells him that he needs to go to his soulmate. Needs to go and help her, and Ben convinces himself that it’s just the morality of helping a young girl. It’s just common sense to do so, so he nods his head and swallows, closing his eyes. 

“What’s the address?” Rey tells him an address with a shaky voice he knows since he drives by there to go to the gym, and Ben tells him he’ll be there right as Hux opens the door with a cig ready between his lips.

“Hey, where you going?”, Hux asks surprised after Ben who leaves him behind. 

“Cover my shift for me!”, Ben answers back, hurrying to his car. 

Ben jumps out from his Toyota, closing the door before hugging himself with his biker jacket. Looking up at the apartment building he can only guess one of Rey’s friends lives in. The building itself is incredible and unnecessary big, newly renovated and way too classy. It’s the only purpose is to brag about how poor others are and that seems like something Rey’s assholes friends would do. 

He hurries himself to the entrance and immediately sees an elevator. He presses on 13, the apartment highest up and he just knows it’s there because the pull in his heart starts again. It takes seconds until a lonely tone tells him that he has arrived, the elevator opening. 

A personal garden welcomes him, nothing is alive in this cold and Ben cringe annoyed, stepping out the elevator and straight to a big, white wooden door that’s already open. If it wasn’t for the cold making him yearn for warmth inside the house, he would’ve knocked when walking in. But he doesn’t. 

Everything inside is dark and edgy, red lights covered all over the place and he immediately hears calm rap music together with laughter. Way too easy laughter when the front door is fucking open. 

Guess rich people don’t have any worries at all. 

Ben walks with confidence through the apartment, following the string leading him to his soulmate and trying to understand if someone actually lives here. Because who has black wallpapers, red-dimmed lights lit in the dark and a golden lion statue in reality size pressed by the door? Is that bear-skin hanging on the wall? 

Suddenly he’s in the living room, standing in front of 5 teenagers sitting on red, big couches in skin, and now the string is really tight. There is a table in front of them with used glasses and alcohol and Ben jaw drop. 

He works as a bartender and he recognizes the brands of champagne and vodka, and they are _expensive_. The kind of expensive that Ben raises his eyebrows to when someone asks for it at the bar. Holy shit, aren’t they 16? 

Two of the teenager, a girl, and a boy is making out on the couch. Completely gone in their own world as calm music plays loudly in the background. One that Ben recognizes, Finn, is sitting with another girl, arm around her shoulders as she giggles into her palms at something he said, sipping on her alcohol while Finn is pressing his nose against her neck.

And there is Rey, who he immediately locks eyes with and the tugging stops. She’s sitting in the corner of the couch, far away from lovebird one and two and her eyes are wide in surprise like she didn’t expect him to come. 

“Rey.” 

“Ben.” They say their names in sync, causing Finn and the other girl to raise their heads towards Ben in surprise. The other two on the couch are unbothered. 

“Well, isn’t it Rey’s soulmate visiting us?”, Finn chuckles sarcastically and the girl sitting beside him gasps. 

“OMG, Rey is this your soulmate?”, she asks excited, looking back at Rey who stands up. Fixing her navy blue dress and the strap of her purse across her chest with unfocused eyes. She looks sad and Ben feels his stomach clench in guilt. Has something happened?

“Yeah, Rose. His name is Ben.”, Rey says over the music, almost ashamed and Ben’s eyes widen a bit. 

Is she ashamed of him? 

He can somehow understand that. He’s 17 years older than her and he looks like a dad picking her up from a party. With messy, long hair, an old biker jacket, and worn Nikes right in front of her friends who’s wearing Versace and Gucci. He can understand that but why… 

Why does it hurt so much? 

The girl, Rose, looks back at Ben and smiles. 

“Nice to meet you, Ben.” Ben nods as a greeting, still worried about Rey and dealing with the shock of being hurt by a 16-years old opinion. It shouldn’t hurt so much.

“Why don’t you stay for a bit?”, Finn asks, leaning back on the couch with a smug smile. Taking Rose with him and letting her rest against his shoulder. “Have a drink.” 

There is a special kind of hate for this kid and Ben really wants to punch him in the face. He’s fucking bothered about Rey’s mood and shame for him that confuses Ben, and he’s not having a brat fucking with him tonight. 

Before Ben can tell him that he’s surrounded by alcohol all the fucking time and that he doesn’t need his wack ass drinks, Rey interrupts. 

“We really need to go, Finn. I have piano lessons first thing in the morning.”, she says, hurrying towards the door and straight past Ben without looking him in the eye. 

“Alright then.” Rose says her byes to Rey from the coach who's already left and Ben glares at Finn with small eyes. The fucker smirks back and takes a sip of his drink. “Bye.” 

Ben turns around and goes to Rey. 

The walk towards the car is way too quiet. Rey is staring down at the ground, her white, furry coat resting on her shoulders and her wavy hair completely flawless in a way Ben finds once again odd. He glances at her the whole time, waiting for a word or an explanation but nothing is said. 

Nothing until they are both sitting in the car. 

Rey stares at her palms, eyes half-open in sadness and Ben can only glance at her with worry. The windows are already covered with fog and it cold inside, but Ben doesn’t start the car. He needs answers. He needs to know that she’s fine.

“Rey, what’s wrong?”, Ben whispers carefully, afraid that he’ll startle her. But the girl just closes her eyes and he notices her eyelashes. She has mascara on, but can mascara really make them that long? They almost rest on her pink cheeks. 

“I just…”, Rey starts because she’s too innocent to lie. Too pure. “I just feel so lonely.” Her voice is shaky and her lips are quivering and that awful feeling of guilt slaps Ben across the face. He realizes that he hates to see her cry because damn how many times hasn’t he cries over the same reason and it  _ hurts.  _

Knowing that his soulmate is suffering the same way he did just hurts too much.

“Rey…” 

“I’m surrounded by people, but it’s still not enough.”, she sobs, tears streaming down her face and Ben wants to hug her but he doesn’t dare to. “I have my friends by my side but I feel so lonely, I don’t know what to do. And I hate myself for calling you, bothering you all the time!” 

“That’s not true-”, Ben says annoyed, annoyed at her for believing so but she’s so gone in sadness that she just wipes her tears and continues crying loudly. 

“It is true, I should’ve never looked after you, I’m just a bother for everyone!”, she wails and Ben freezes. “No one wants me! Not my mom, not my dad, not you-” 

A sudden grip of her wrist makes Rey gasp and she stops to cry. With wide eyes, she turns her head towards Ben, who stares at her intensely with dead serious eyes. He shakes her wrist, making Rey whimper in surprise. 

“Don’t  _ ever _ say that again.”, he says with such intensity that Rey’s lips part, a tear running down her cheek slowly. “You are  _ not _ a bother. You never are. You never will.” 

Ben can’t listen to her say the same things he thought as a child. He can’t handle seeing Rey like this. Miserable and seeing herself as a bother. She isn’t. Damn it, she isn’t! 

If she called in the middle of the night tomorrow too, he’d come and pick her up without thinking twice because she is his soulmate and they are for a reason. To help each other. To help each other with this feeling of being unwanted and to destroy it. Rey needs Ben and he is here for her. He always is, and it’ll never bother him. 

Ben leans forward to make her understand how serious he is and Rey takes a shaky inhale. 

“You’re never a bother to me, Rey. Never.” He loosens the grip around her wrist and Rey swallows, staring at Ben with an expression he can’t read. “Promise me that you understand.” 

She promises by pressing her lips against his. 

The shock of it makes Ben freeze, his eyes becoming wide in shock at the feeling of her soft lips pressed against his rough. He sees that her eyes are closed, both her palms cupping his newly-shaved cheeks and her chin is pressed against his goatee beard.

He doesn’t know what’s happening. His mind is racing, yet he can’t move and he tries to understand this fucked up situation where he is sure that he did nothing to indicate this kiss, except for touching her wrist, moving closer and telling her that she’s not a bother. With  _ no fucking intention _ at all, dammit!

_ This is wrong _ , Ben panics when she suddenly press her lips against his harder, making them part since he’s completely frozen.  _ This is so fucking wrong, stop this immediately! _

Ben is about to lean out aggressively when Rey suddenly runs her tongue against his overlip. 

And the feeling makes Ben groan loudly because  _ holy shit! _

Ben has made out before. Several times too, but it has  _ never _ felt so good. Never have a french kiss made him feel like this, a buzzing all over his body that just feels so right. 

Hux suddenly comes into his mind. His colleague telling him how he and Bazine fucked the first time they meet and Ben knew Hux isn’t like that. That man is way too serious, way too stuck-up when it comes to meeting new people. He could talk all proudly about his sex life with Ben because they’re friends, known each other for hundreds of years, but with others, he’s like a boss and the rest of the world is his workplace. He’s that serious. 

_ ‘It’s different, y’ know. When it’s with your soulmate, everything is so much fucking better.’ _

Is that what this is? Is that the reason why Ben is literally melting over a kiss? According to Hux, the experience is different, better. And that’s logical because the whole thing with Soulmate Connection is to create the perfect match and offspring. Just like sex causes pleasure, a trap to create children, Ben realizes that this is one too. A trap. 

Ben’s groan makes his lips part wider, and Rey takes the opportunity to dive in deeper. 

He closes his eyes, vexed by the feeling as Rey continues to latch into his lips like she hasn’t drunk water for days. The desperation of the kiss feels nice, being wanted like that and Ben can’t do anything but to melt as she runs her tongue carefully around his mouth. 

It goes on for at least 30 seconds, just letting Rey do her on him and Ben is completely gone in pleasure. Until she starts to whimper. 

Rey moans loudly against his lips and the sound of her voice goes straight to his dick, making him groan louder than before. It’s small sounds coming from her throat. Needy, desperate sounds that are high-pitched and way too childish. 

That’s when Ben starts to wake up from his spell. Because he’s getting hard by her kisses and the sounds of her cries that are childlike and it reminds Ben. 

He’s getting hard by a child's voice. He’s getting hard by making out with a child. She’s 16 years old. 

The disgust hits him hard and the kiss that felt so wonderful a few seconds before, makes him want to vomit now.

Ben opens his eyes in panic and pure disgust and he tries to lean out, but Rey takes a grip in his long hair and presses his lips backs against his and Ben sees red. 

He takes a hard grip around her chin and with enough force, he pushes her face away from his and their lips part with a ‘pop’. 

Their noses are pressed against each other, they breath heavy against each other's lips and their eyes stare deep into each other's souls. Rey’s eyes are half-opened in lust, mouth parted with his saliva on her lips and the sight doesn’t calm his breath. 

It makes him groan, knowing that her stare would forever imprint in his head. Because she’s staring at him like he’s a God she worships and it makes him hornier than before. Her youthful, girl-looking expression with his evidence on her lips is so fucking hot and he can’t help but imagine how his soulmate would look like when...

That disgust Ben even more, and lust and disgust is a confusion combination. 

So he’s fucking furious. He’s so angry at Rey for doing what he told her what was not supposed to happen, but he’s angrier at himself. For giving in and being a fucking pedophile and he wants to vomit and he wants to kiss her more and he’s so  _ fucking angry! _

The grip around her chins turns tighter and Rey whimpers when he shook her head warningly. 

“What the fuck did I tell you, Rey?”, Ben hiss between clenched teeth. Rey’s face becomes blank and he can feel under his palm how she swallows, forcing herself not to cry but her eyes are already becoming wet. “What _the fuck_ did I tell you?”

“I’m sorry…”, she whispers, a tear running down her chin.

He wants to hug her, tell him that she did nothing wrong because he’s the adult in this situation and he needs to be the one to say sorry and that they would forget this and make sure that it won’t happen again. 

Instead, he lets go of her chin violently, almost pushing her back into the car seat and without looking at her, he starts the car in complete silence. Mouth in a hard line and hands shaking in anger. He can see from the outer corner of his sight that she starts to shake, her whole body trembling like a frozen kitten because she tries to keep in her violent sobs, but she can’t. She places her hands over her face and cries quietly into her palm, yet he can still hear her horrible sobs that make his stomach clench in guilt. But he doesn’t even look at her as he drives, eyes stuck on the road. 

Not a sound has been made except for Rey’s weeps when he finally parks outside her house. He can’t look at her, keeps staring into the wheel and it doesn’t take long for Rey to jump out the car and close the door hard. He doesn’t blame her. 

Like outside the car is a safe zone, he can hear how the sobs and cries Rey tried to hold in pour out, hugging herself hard as she wails loudly. Hurrying towards her door. Not looking back once as the front entrance opens and Kaydel greeting her before her eyes turn wide, asking Rey what’s wrong. 

Ben closes his eyes and leans his forehead against the wheel and he can feel his eyes start to sting.

_ Fuck.  _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry for the late update! My anxiety has and was so awful for the past couple of days and I'm just tired of feeling like this...   
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and be a bit happier than myself! Love you guys <33
> 
> ~Lenkia

“Here.”, Hux says, giving him the glass of whiskey that Ben immediately takes, drinking the first gulp fast. His friend looks at him with worry and confusion, sitting right in front of him on the couch with just grey sweatpants on and bare over the body, reminding Ben that he’s being a bother. Waking up Hux and Bazine in the middle of the night. 

But Ben didn’t know where else to go… 

Bazine comes out from the bedroom, a black robe covering her body as she squints at Ben, the lighting waking her eyes up from the sleep. 

“Ben, what are you doing here?”, she asks, walking towards them and sitting next to Hux with as equally worry on her face as her soulmate. “Is something wrong?” 

It’s 5 in the morning and Ben is drinking whiskey at his friend's house. Of course, there is something wrong. 

“It’s so fucking hard, this soulmate-thing.”, Ben mutters against his glass, closing his eyes. Bazine gives Hux a glare, an eyebrow raised and Ben isn’t stupid. Hux has probably told her about Ben’s situation. Hux proves the theory right, nodding with a sigh and Bazine gives Ben a sympathetic face. 

_ God, they talk without words. Is that a soulmate thing or just a couple thing?  _

“I’ll make us some breakfast.”, Bazine says, standing up to the kitchen and leaving the two men behind. 

“Ben, you need to remember that this doesn’t have to happen.”, Hux says, leaning forward with motivated eyes. “You just need to make her agree that the Connection doesn’t work-”

“I’m sure she’ll agree to it now.”, he whispers, drinking the remaining of his drink before slamming the glass onto the table. The sound of her cries echoed in his ears and Ben clench his eyes hard. “I fucked up, man.” 

He won’t tell Hux what happened. He won’t tell him that he made out with a 16-year old girl and enjoyed it. He won’t tell him that he’s disgusted with himself for lusting over her and that he’s angry because of it. 

He won’t, he won’t. Because of that, Hux can’t do much but to stare at Ben with sadness and sympathy in his eyes. But it doesn’t matter. As long as Ben isn’t alone right now, it doesn’t matter. 

It’s Friday, three days since their…. 

Yeah. 

It’s ridiculous, Ben knows, but at 4 PM he’s slowly walking towards the diner. But he doesn’t even have to go all the way to the place, because the string in his heart isn’t tugging. She isn’t there. 

Ben stops in the middle of the sideway, looking down at the ground with nothing but shame inside of him. 

He should’ve done better.

Ben shakes his head and turns around towards his car. 

Whatever. It’s better this way, just away from each other. 

“C-Can… Can I get a Margarita?” 

Ben bites his lips, doing everything in his power not to laugh at the woman throwing herself over the bar counter, her hair a big mess and eyes completely unfocused. If she drank one sip alcohol more, she’d drop and Ben has always been fascinated by ladies. When men get drunk, they fucking collapse but the women can go for  _ hours _ and still not fall. Sure, they trip over their own feet sometimes, but they laugh it off and go on. Even if they’re bleeding from their head. That has happened before. Amazing. 

Ben usually doesn’t find this funny, since he has seen it more than hundreds of times, but today his boss has stationed Hux and him in the same section of the club. A rare treat that meant ever laughing moments and hidden shots under the bar counter. 

Ben glance at Hux, who’s doing everything in his power not to cry in laughter. They both took two fireballs before the shift started, at 11 PM. It seems now that one hour later, the alcohol has taken effect, causing them to laugh way too easily.

Even if it’s not enough, it makes Ben forget about what happened one week ago. He’s already starting to forget about her, but it still lingers in his mind sometimes. 

But now he’s concentrated on his job, just like things were before and everything starts to feel alright again. That’s good!

“How about some water, miss?”, Hux scream over the music, leaning forward. The woman squints her eyes, like she didn’t hear him but the words are actually proceeding in her brain. Then she starts to laugh loudly. 

“Yeah, good idea! Water  _ with  _ Margarita, please!” The colleagues glare at each other again and start to chuckle. 

Hux serves the drunkie another Margarita as Ben collects the empty glasses on the counter around them, five small shots fit easily in his hands. Ben yawn loudly. The music is pounding in his ears and dancing bodies are spread across the dance floor like ants, yet Ben still feels sleepy. He’s so used to this environment that it doesn’t affect him the slightest.

“Damn!”, Ben screams over his shoulder to Hux when he sees the Margarita lady stumble away with her drink. “One more sip and she’s  _ gone- _ ” 

Ben stops his sentence, eyes widening as Hux laugh beside him, agreeing with a clap on his shoulder.

“Gave her a discount!”, he answers back loudly, before looking at Ben and he notices his surprised face with confused eyes. Hux’s smile disappears. “She was going through shit…”, Hux mumbles, his tone lowering at the end. “Ben, what’s happening?” 

“I…”, Ben says, his eyebrows furrowed in surprise as he places his hand over his heart. 

It’s pulling. His string is pulling. 

With widened eyes, Ben immediately looks up at the crowd, trying to spot his soulmate because this can’t be. 

“She’s here?!”, Hux asks, immediately understanding when Ben’s palm rest over his chest. “Isn’t it past her sleep time?” 

Ben glare at Hux angry, and Hux’s smug smiles disappear together with a small sorry before Ben looks out at the dance floor again. Yeah, she’s definitely here and both he and she knows that they’re both close to each other. Rey is clearly ignoring the tugging, but Ben won’t have it. 

“I’m going to look for her.”, Ben mumbles under the music, leaving Hux behind at the bar counter.

It’s not easy walking past sweaty bodies dancing, screaming happily and completely ignoring Ben’s slight pushes to the sides. Ben can’t see much, can’t hear anything either when it’s dark and light pulsing with the too-high music. But the string helps guide him through the crowd and it’s when he comes near the VIP seats that he can finally breathe. 

At the VIP corner, where cozy booths are placed for booked tables, it’s fewer people. Still crowded, but at least people are sitting and he looks over the many round booths with heavy breathing, the string telling him that he’s at the right destination. 

Ben’s eyes catch the one furthest in, the one closest to the dance floor. He can see that fucking brat Finn, together with Rose. Sitting next to the same girl making out with the boy, who sits next to her. He can already see from his position that they’re drinking, a glass each in their hands as they laugh and scream loudly over the music, unheard from the rest of the club. 

Then he sees her. Only the back of her head, but it’s tugging violently in his heart and an urgent need to cough hits him. Like it would ease the feeling, but it’s still so uncomfortable. 

Ben grits his teeth when he sees Finn lean towards her ear, whispering something to her with a smirk across his face. 

_How the fuck did they get in?_ They sure look 18, but they check legitimation for everyone. And they’re not allowed to be served either. 

_ Fuck no, not at his workplace.  _

Before Ben even takes a step towards them, Rey is suddenly standing up and without turning around once, she tells her friends something over the music panicked. They all raise their eyebrows at her in surprise, before shrugging their shoulders and standing up. Ben feels his eyes twitch in anger when he realizes that she told her friends that they should go and dance, the gang jumping their way with shoutings to the dance floor. Rey continues to ignore Ben, walking straight forward. 

No,  _ no! _ Ben won’t fucking have it!

He walks past the tables like a snake, trying to slither through without hitting tables with his hips and it’s hard when you’re big like Ben. People are too drunk to notice him, so no damage is done when he finally reaches the dancefloor. 

Once again, he has to push through sweaty bodies and he’s sure he got an armpit dragged across his face. Ben sees red in anger, if it isn’t for the pulsing lights flashing, but he’s so damn angry. He should be serving drinks and doing his job, instead, he has to go through a sea of drunk animals looking for his soulmate who shouldn’t be here. 

Why is she here? Is she looking for a good time, at the same place he’s working at? Most importantly, she isn’t allowed to be here or drink. Too young. What if something happens to her? 

Finally, the string is so tight that Ben stops and he sees them. Rose is grinding against some dude yet still drinking blindly while doing so. Ben is slightly impressed but too busy to notice it. The same girl made out with the same boy from before and it’s a small line between making out and having sex. 

It’s disturbing, how young you can be and already be halfway there between a reckless adult and a stupid teenager. Not normal behavior for their age. It’s enough to know that Ben doesn’t like these kinds of people for Rey to hang out with. But he can’t decide anything for her. He doesn’t have the right to tell her  _ anything. _

Yet, here he is, staring at his soulmate with widen eyes.

She’s dancing with Finn, leaning her body against his with her back against his chest. Her eyes are closed, gone with the music or too concentrated to ignore the tugging, Ben doesn’t know. But Finn’s touching her. Both arms wrapped around her waist, pushing her ass against himself and hands running down her hips and down to her legs. Dress too tight and too short to hide anything. 

Ben doesn’t know what happens, but there is something about the way he sees his soulmate like this that makes him completely outrageous. Ben knows if this wasn’t the situation, that if Rey wasn’t his soulmate, he wouldn’t have given five fucks. 

But he thinks that something biologically happens inside of him that he can’t control, seeing his soulmate grind against someone else. He can’t admit that maybe, maybe there is something to it other than that. 

But for now, the only thing he can blame it on is biology. 

He can only blame it on something else when he suddenly and uncontrollably walks towards her and grabs her wrist harshly. Completely ignoring her screams when he drags her across the dancefloor violently, ignoring the way she tries to tug her hand away from him but not succeeding. Too angry to care and too relieved to know that no one can hear her scream over the music and he’s just so  _ fucking mad  _ that he can taste iron in his mouth. 

The string is tugging like crazy, they still haven’t faced each other. It’s not until they’re outside where Ben usually takes his breaks in the cold, and push her hard against the wall, making her whimper loudly that they look at each other in the eyes. 

The pulling immediately stops, both breathing heavy as small clouds of steam escape their mouths and into the ice-cold night. Ben look right into her soul, her eyes small in anger and teeth bared as she violently snatches her wrist from his grip. 

“Let go of me.”, she whispers with venom, her voice hoarse after all the screaming. Now there is no music. No darkness and no flashing lights. Only them, just staring at each other as equally angry at the backside of the club and anyone working could decide to take a smoke break and see them there, with Ben almost pressing his body against hers.

But he doesn’t care. He’s too pissed to notice. 

“You’re gonna act like that, huh? Like a fucking brat?”, Ben spits through clenched teeth and he sees how Rey swallows in pure anger, sadness. “Coming to my work and grinding against that fucking shithead-” 

“Why the fuck do you care who I dance with?”, Rey screams and Ben sees red, taking a step closer and he knows how scary his length can be, but Rey doesn’t even shrink. Head held high in stubbornness as he leans closer in rage. 

“ _ Dance _ ? Since when do you press your ass against someone and call it dancing?” Rey’s eyes turn small in rage as she lets her gaze fall down his body, from head to toe. Like she’s challenging him in a battle of staring and Ben’s too angry to not go with the childish acts. He ignores her red cheeks, how unnaturally perfect it stains the apples of her cheeks. Like painting two dots on a dolls porcelain surface. 

“I don’t trust that guy you call a  _ friend _ !”, Ben mutters loudly, blood still boiling just by the thought of Finn and his stupid grin, a smirk that told Ben that one call to his dad would be enough for Ben to be sued for no damn reason. 

Rey lets her gaze fall back to his eyes and her own are burning. He’s afraid that he offended her by talking about her ‘friend’. But her eyes say something different, they are burning different. Ben who was furious, is now nervous. Swallowing panicked as Rey lifts her chin just one inch, analyzing his expression with a dominating glare, a glare she must have been taught by her father or whoever with a position of power. 

It’s freezing outside but Ben doesn’t care, so it seems for his soulmate too. 

“Are you jealous?”, Rey asks with a whisper and a wave of ice wash over Ben’s body in a panic. 

“Don’t be ridiculous…” Ben’s voice lowers dangerously, eyes turning small as Rey keeps watching him carefully for anything that can prove his words a lie. “I told you from the start, Rey. I’m not  _ doing  _ that and you won’t  _ listen _ !” 

“The only one who’s being ridiculous is you!”, Rey screams, standing on her toes in pure rage but she’s not even close to reaching him. She stamps her foot unknowingly, baring her teeth. Ben is impressed. She’s pressed against the wall with a man double the size of her and she hasn’t shrunk once in fear, just the opposite. 

It only gives Ben a better picture of her. Rey is the kind of person who never gets angry, never gets in the way of drama and if there is one, she’s the one calming the situation down. People would feel too guilty to hush her and the drama would interrupt immediately. She’s innocent and pure. She’s probably never angry. 

But when she gets angry, she gets  _ angry _ . 

“ _ I’m _ ridiculous?”, Ben asks sarcastically and Rey shakes her head furiously. 

“Who are you trying to look good for, huh?  _ Society?  _ Talking about morality and what not when everyone is on our side! We are connected, they are on  _ our _ side!”

Ben tries to understand, staring at her with wide eyes and parted mouth as he goes through her arguments. 

She’s talking about them. About being more than what they already are and that even how young she is and how old he is, it doesn’t matter. Laws were bent and ignored for Soulmate Connections, because why stop the world to become perfect with the excellent offspring and generation?

This is wrong, wrong,  _ wrong! _ Why doesn’t she get that already?

“It doesn’t matter.”, Ben says harshly. “It doesn’t fucking matter because I’m 17 years older than you! You’re a child.” Something flashes in Rey’s eyes, like a cat in the dark and something about it tells Ben to humble himself. 

“A child can’t kiss you the way I did…”, Rey whispers with a low voice and Ben’s breath hitches. “You got all angry at me like it was my fault. Like you weren’t groaning and looking at me like-” 

“Shut up!”, Ben screams through clenched teeth, his temper rising again. He doesn’t want to get remembered about his stupid acts, his stupid wrongs, and pedophile behavior. He got excited, way too excited and horny but it’s because they’re soulmate and not what Rey is claiming it is. Feelings and all! “I should’ve pushed you away, it was my fault. It will  _ never  _ happen again-” 

“It was my first kiss.”, Rey whispers with blank, furious eyes and Ben’s eyes widen. Rey’s body starts to shake and it isn’t because of the cold. “It was my first kiss, yet you talk about it like it was a mistake!” 

It was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake, but how do you tell a 16-year old girl that it was? He can only imagine how big of a deal those things are for girls in her age and he’s just slapping it across her face about regretting it. Telling her that she’s a kid and that it was wrong and just making her feel bad about herself. 

Ben continues to stare at her as she sobs and once again he regrets how he acted and guilt is choking him. Like always when around her. 

_ Fuck, what’s wrong with him? How could he scream at her like that? _

“Rey…”, Ben whispers, shaking his head. “I’m sorry-”

“No, you’re not!”, Rey screams and Ben swallows. He can feel the smell of alcohol on her, but she isn’t drunk. She’s too pure to drink herself gone like her friends. “You don’t care about me, you don’t! So don’t pretend like you’re sorry!” 

Ben is sure that it isn’t the alcohol talking. It’s her own, raw emotions coming from after their kiss in the car. The frustration and sadness collecting and turning into something dark and damaging that Rey let’s out on partying, just like the toxic way her friends do. 

Ben calms down, his breath slowing down and he closes his eyes. Once again, he has to remind himself that he is the adult in this situation. He handled the kiss completely wrong and he regrets it so much. He regrets pushing her against the car seat and ignoring her crying. Regrets telling her over and over again that it was wrong when it was her first kiss. Ben doesn’t want to feel regret again. 

So he opens his eyes, taking a small step back to give her a little bit of space. Rey’s lips are quivering in misery and rage and Ben sighs defeated. 

_ What is he doing? _

“I care about you Rey, I do.”, Ben says calmly, shaking his head. “And I’m really sorry Rey. It wasn't… nice of me to act like that about something... important to you.”

“It’s  _ not _ !”, Rey assures with a hard voice and hands in fists. 

“It’s not.”, Ben adds, nodding. “I’m sorry for my behavior. I’m sorry for how I reacted in the car and I’m sorry about this. I should’ve been more… careful.” Rey continues to stare at him before she turns her head away, discreetly wiping some tears from her cheeks while nodding. 

“I’m sorry too. For… y’ know.”, she whispers, shame hiding in her voice. Ben smiles lightly, something about seeing his soulmate apologize makes him proud. 

They still had their problems, they still have stuff to solve. But right now, Rey isn’t as sad as before and Ben doesn’t feel as guilty as before. They both won in the end. It feels good. 

“It’s alright.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I wanted to let you know that this week and the next week to come, I'll be EXTREMELY busy! Y' know, school is ending and that means exams ;((((( So the next chapter will be posted a bit later!   
Love you guys! <33
> 
> ~Lenkia

Ben expects it to be awkward when they meet at the diner the following week. He expects Rey to be ashamed over what happened the other day and to have a painful silence over a strawberry milkshake. 

He doesn’t expect her to lit up when she sees him, the string in his heart stopping to tug. He did not expect her to hug him and smile so wide. A smile that tells him how much she cares for him, how much she misses him, how much she needs him. 

It makes Ben even more determined to be there for her. But it’s hard. He needs to be there for her without her misunderstanding anything. What he heard that night, when Rey told him that nothing can stop them from being together, he’s still not fully sure if Rey understands. So he has to be careful. 

They sit at their usual booth and before Ben can analyze the situation, if Rey’s energy was just temporary or if a tension will appear, Rey, sighs with a smile. 

“I want the same old!”, Rey says, pushing away the menu before leaning over the table with sparkling eyes. “Guess what, Rose told me that she has us booked for a spa night tomorrow, just her and me! I’m so happy, I like Rose the most in the group, but when she’s with Finn and the others she gets weird, y’ know?” 

“Ah, yes…”, Ben says dumbfound, completely off-guard by Rey’s cheerful energy. She’s usually not like this. She’s always... down and shy and Ben doesn’t blame her. 

When Ben felt lonely, he screamed and shouted. His sadness turned into anger. Crashing cars and skipping class was his way. When Rey feels lonely, she gets smaller and cries. Her sadness being true sorrow, having those periods when she can’t even get out of bed. 

There is that difference with them, among others… 

“I’m way too excited, I know! But maybe I can start a friendship with her, apart from the rest of the group.” 

Seeing her like this makes Ben happy. She’s bubbly and excited to create a friendship and he’s happy that her loneliness may decrease with someone else besides him and her maid. 

Maybe she will realize that having a ‘BFF’ who is her soulmate and 17 years older than her, is not ideal. 

“That sounds lovely, Rey.”, Ben smiles, really meaning it and Rey nods eager, like the 16-year old she is. “I’ve never been to a spa before.” They both laugh at the thought of Ben with a white rob and slices of cucumbers on his eyes. 

Rey puts a sling of her perfect, straightened hair behind her ear and smiles. 

“It’s not that fun. I’ve been to many, but I think being at this diner with you is much better.” 

Ben doesn’t panic because it’s not a seductive comment. He doesn’t hear any of it in her tone. It’s simply Rey’s truth and a reward for Ben. Hearing her say that, together with the fact that she’s may or may not create a friendship tomorrow, is making Ben bloom inside. Knowing that his hard work to build this girl like he needed to be built, is actually working. 

Ben can’t help but smile, a wave of relief and pure happiness he hasn’t felt in a while wash over him and if he dared, he would’ve cried happy tears. 

But now he’s at the diner and soon a waitress will ask for their orders and compliment Rey’s pearls or whatnot and he has to wipe his tears like a child. He can’t do that, so he’s satisfied by taking a soft grip of her hands. Totally forgetting his reminder to not do anything inappropriate, but he has to and Rey smiles back at him and squeezes back with her small palms. 

“Maybe I’ll have a real friend soon. I hope so, but you’ll always be the only one, Ben.”, Rey whispers with wet eyes and a wide smile. Ben swallows. 

He can only hope she means as a friend. Her eyes don’t say so, but he ignores it and smiles back instead, not wanting to cry. 

There is something about being wanted that hits differently with him. It’s because of his childhood, the same Rey has and goes through right now.

He hopes that someday Rey will be happy. He hopes that she’ll have someone there for her that isn’t him. He really hopes that. 

“I know, Rey.”

_ Fuck, he forgot to close the curtains! _

It’s a November morning, yet it’s sunny outside. Sunny that looks warm from your window but is actually fucking cold. The kind of weather that makes you glare angry at the sun and go back right inside to put on more clothing. 

But right now, Ben is in bed and groans loudly, covering his eyes with his arm as he stretches his legs like a cat. The sun is pouring through the window, the clock is about 9 AM and Ben came home at 3 AM from work. It had been a good night, but he thinks he’s turning old. 

Ben didn’t even drink anything, yet his head is pounding. The loud music and flashing lights are enough for an ache and Ben groans once again. He wants to sleep away from his fake hangover and maybe order in around lunchtime. He’s free today, thank God, so he’s probably going to watch Fear Factor and rot in front of the TV. 

Ben hears his phone vibrate and groans loudly, deciding early on to ignore it. Who would want anything from him this early? 

But Ben is awake, the sun is in his eyes and he’s way too awake to ignore it. Maybe it’s Hux. Did Ben give him back the keys to the back room? 

Without opening his eyes, Ben reaches for his phone on the floor and lazily presses the green button. 

“Hello?”, he groans, balancing the phone on his ear. 

It’s not Hux annoying voice he hears. 

“Mr. Solo?” Without opening his eyes, he furrows his eyebrows and yawn. It’s a woman and she sounds way too distressed on a morning. 

“Yes?” 

“It’s Kaydel. Ms. Niima’s maid.” 

Ben’s eyes become wide open. 

Ben doesn’t even care how bad he parked the car. He jumps out of it and he hurries towards the Niima mansion, his breath up in his throat and panic bubbling in his stomach. The cold weather feels like a slap when he walks towards the entrance, yet the sun keeps blinding him. Annoying as fuck. It’s like faith is mocking him. 

It’s barely 10 AM and Ben didn’t have the chance to eat breakfast. Putting on the clothes closest to him, he picked his car keys up from the floor and hurried towards his car. He notices now that he put on his T-shirt backward and he has two different socks on, but thankfully both are unnoticeable. 

Kaydel is already by the door to greet him and she looks miserable. Her eyes are wet and she sobs, yet she stands with her back straight with a professional face. The relief isn’t hidden, but it’s not enough to hide the panic. 

“Mr. Solo, thank God you’re here.”, Kaydel sighs, bowing lightly but Ben doesn’t acknowledge it. 

“What’s wrong? Where is Rey? What happened?” Kaydel shakes her head as she urges him to come inside. She closes the door behind them, the shut of it echoing throughout the house and just like Rey herself, everything is flawless and clean. Every item is dust-free and the marble stairs are shining perfectly with the help of the sun pouring in through the massive windows. It’s as the house is more for show than for living. 

“Mr. Solo, she…”, Kaydel begins, but once again, she shakes her head and places a hand over her eyes. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do…” 

It’s now that Ben notices how she trembles, how the bags under her eyes are dark like raccoons, and her clothes and hair are a mess. She must’ve been up all night, or nights, by the look of it. 

Ben swallows, eyes widen in panic. 

The last time they met was at the diner almost a week ago. Rey had mentioned that she’s going to a spa night with Rose alone and Ben had been excited for her. Almost a bit relieved, hoping that she’d understand that it’s better with someone of her age. 

_ What happened?  _

“It’s awful this time.”, Kaydel whispers with tears in her voice and Ben stills. “She hasn’t eaten. Hasn’t showered. Hasn’t been out of bed. Hasn’t talked for a week now.” Kaydel bursts out and Ben can only stare at her with parted lips. 

“I don’t know what happened! She doesn’t talk to me or anyone. Mr. Solo, please try to talk to her and make her eat something, that poor soul!” 

Ben follows Kaydel, two stairs up and sharp left. Walk a bit more until reaching a big pink door. Kaydel didn’t have to show him all the way, Ben can already feel the tugging and he gives Kaydel an equally worried face before bowing and leaving him alone. 

Ben swallows, closing his eyes before placing his hand on the handle and opening. 

What was supposed to be a bright room, is dead and gloomy. Ben immediately notices the big windows covering most of the walls, but the curtains are all pulled down and the sun is forcing its way between the springs. The walls are white, the carpet is fluffy and baby pink and a big mirror is placed by another door, probably the closet or the bathroom. The room is probably bigger than Ben’s apartment and just like the rest of the house, it’s empty and that makes it extremely graceful. In the middle of the room, is a huge bed. Matching the carpet, pink and fluffy. 

And there he sees her. 

She’s hiding under her pink blanket, her body buried in the bed. Even if the string is pulling like crazy, Rey doesn’t react and apart from the last time, she doesn’t jump up and greet him like she normally would. She continues to lay there unmoving and Ben slowly walks towards her. But he doesn’t close the door behind himself. 

“Rey?” When Ben is close enough, he stops and it feels like a stone is thrown into his throat. The lump in his stomach makes it hard to think clearly, the guilt makes it hard to breathe and he can’t help but let out a shaky breath. 

Rey, his soulmate, is laying in her bed with half-opened eyes. Her lips are dry and chapped due to lack of hydration, bags under her eyes dark like coal. Her hair is greasy and a complete mess, a sight Ben has never seen on her before. 

Because Rey is always unnormal perfect. Flawless. Not a sling of hair is placed wrong and her makeup looks so natural and beautiful. Just like the clothes she wears and the way she acts. It’s all so perfect and odd. Just like a surface of what a girl like herself should be. What everyone expects her to be. 

But now, he sees Rey. Her true self. What she feels on the inside, and like a parasite, it has spread and covered her surface too. She looks, for the first time, like a human and not like a doll placed outside a shopping mall. 

It’s scary, how awful it is. Ben had screamed his sadness out, but Rey is keeping it all in. He thinks that Rey’s method is way worse than his. 

Ben starts to see blurry, not understanding until he feels a drop run down his cheek. His heart is tugging like crazy, their eyes still haven’t met, but his body aches when he sees her like this. 

Why is life so unfair? Why does this young, innocent girl have to go through the painful shit he went through? It’s not fair. 

Ben wipes his cheek before sitting down on his knees beside her bed, trying to look her in the eyes. But she’s staring out on space, eyes blurry and red by the lack of sleep and crying. 

“Rey?”, Ben croak out, his voice breaking. He places his palm over her cheek but she doesn’t even react. “What’s wrong?” 

She doesn’t answer. Instead, she closes her eyes and Ben knows she has shut him out. 

It hurts way too much and Ben leaves the room before he starts to cry. 

Kaydel and Ben sit in the living room, exactly where Rey and himself sat almost a month ago, and they say nothing. It’s quiet except for the ticking of a clock further in the house, echoing through the empty walls and right into Ben’s ears. Both of them stare into space trying to figure out something to do. Just something. 

Kaydel told Ben that she had dismissed all the staff. The chefs had been cooking all night to create something appealing to Rey and the servants had cleaned the house raw for Rey to feel at home again. But nothing worked. Nothing had worked and Ben feel powerless. He doesn’t understand why Kaydal called him in the first place. 

Sure, that time when she got into a state of depression when he rejected her, it had worked. Rey had jumped out of her bed in seconds, the one Finn told she hasn’t left in a week, and Rey had smiled and laughed in happiness when he looked up at her from the entrance with regret in his eyes. 

He doesn’t want to be here. But he doesn’t want Rey to suffer. Ben is between two different dilemmas. The devil on his left shoulder tells him to just go home, because he’s been there, done that, and Rey’s inappropriate crush on him will just get him in trouble. The angel on his right side, however, wants to help Rey. He’s suffered like her and it hurts. Nobody deserves what he went through, he doesn’t wish it on anybody. Just being there is enough, so of course, he wants to be there for her.

But Ben has to be realistic, so he’s listening to both of his creatures on his shoulders. Some days the devil sounds reasonable, and some days it’s the angel. 

And right now the angel is screaming in his ear to do something and save her like the prince she thinks he is, while the devil tells him to go home because what the hell can he do? He’s not important enough to end the girl's depression. 

_ What the fuck will he do?  _

“Just eat…”, Kaydel whispers with a groggy voice, eyes slowly shutting close. Ben glance at the maid who’s slowly falling asleep on the couch, breath turning even and head tilting against her shoulder. 

She must be so tired, being worried for a week now, day and night. Poor soul, she has only been talking about putting something in Rey’s stomach. Not caring that she hasn’t showered or cleaned her room. “She just needs to eat…” 

Ben stared at the maid until she starts to snore softly and Ben can’t help but smile when an idea hits him. 

Of course. It wasn’t Ben who managed to cure Rey that first time he had been here. It was Kaydel. She had told Finn to contact him and when Kaydel had shined in happiness when they both saw Rey alright again, Ben thought that he had done something. 

But it was Kaydel. Because Kaydel knew Rey best. She was literally her mother. 

And once again, it’s thanks to Kaydel that Ben comes up with this great idea. 

Ben slowly opens up the big door, the gloomy aura of Rey’s bedroom making it hard to breathe and the tugging in his hearts is going like crazy. It’s uncomfortable, but he’s used to the feeling.

He glances back at Kaydel, who’s staring at him with wide, desperate eyes all while slowly hiding behind him. Afraid that her presence will somehow make Rey even more upset, so Ben nods agreeing. He’ll go inside himself. 

He slowly walks up towards the bed, noticing that the body under the blanket hasn’t moved since he last visited two hours ago and his breath hitches once again when he sees her. Dead eyes, chapped lips, frizzy hair. 

She looks like someone who feels like she should act. It’s not healthy what she has been doing this whole time, pretending. But she hasn’t pretended either. Rey is an optimist, always a smile on her lips and eyes that shine with happiness. 

But the world isn’t a happy place for someone like Rey and Ben. Yet, Rey keeps trying by seeing things positive with widen, excited eyes.

Then, something happens and Rey is reminded once again of her reality. 

_ What happened to you? _

“Rey?”, Ben whispers. His voice is stronger than before. He’s not surprised when she doesn’t answer. “I got you some food.”

Ben places the brown, paper bag on the bed table. The smell of burger and milkshake filling the whole room and Ben waits on a reaction from her. Anything that shows a sign of response.

“It’s Friday, y’ know. I know it’s early, we usually eat around four but I… I want you to eat something.” 

Rey keeps staring into space with hooded, hazy eyes. Her breathing barely hearable and the amount of disappointment he feels surprise him. It didn’t work. He thought that bringing food she likes would help but it’s not enough. 

Ben glance back at the door, were Kaydel is standing with as equal disappointment as he feels. Her eyes are already blank and she looks so tired. So so tired.

Without thinking, Ben suddenly leans down. 

Fast, fast so it doesn’t look inappropriate and when he takes inhale just beside her ear she still smells of shampoo and perfume she usually wears. He doesn’t know the name of it, but it’s sweet as candy and it reminds him of her age. 

Ben’s lips press into her ear and his heart is tugging violently, but Rey still doesn’t move from her place. 

“Rey.”, he whispers, voice filled with unshed, frustrated tears. “You’re not a bother, you’re not unwanted. Do you remember what I said in the car? You’ll never be. Not to me.” 

He swallows in panic but he says it anyway. For Kaydel’s sake. The maid needs some rest. 

“Never to me, Rey. My perfect soulmate.” 

She twitches, and if Ben is not hallucinating, she also lets out a small whimper. 

Ben runs out of the room. Without looking at Rey’s reaction. Without looking at Kaydel, who’s eyes widen in shock. More at the fact that Rey finally reacted to something, rather than the inappropriate of a 33-year-old man whispering in Rey’s ear. Ben hurry his way through the corridor, his breath turning heavier. Almost hyperventilation by the fact that he said something so unsuitable and so wrong.

Ben had taken the easy way out. Said something she wanted to hear to end the misery her maid felt and to end his own. It hurt, seeing Rey like this. It reminded him of his own pain and  _ fuck it hurt,  _ so he took the easy way out and said what Rey wanted to hear without meaning it fuck fuck  _ fuck- _

Ben stops in track and pauses his heavy breathing. Because he hears Rey cry. 

It’s not a cry of sadness, nor happiness. It’s a cry of a newborn child. Of awakening, from the depression of death and back to the life she once lived. The one that hurt so much yet reminded her of the blood that flowed in her veins and air that filled her lungs. 

Ben hears Kaydel talk to her, hugging her and whispering _ “there, there”  _ as Rey wails into her shoulder. 

Ben closes his eyes and leans against the closest wall. A shaky sigh escaping his lips. 

He’s relieved. The bricks balancing on his shoulder turned into feathers and Rey is fine for now. 

But what the fuck is he about to do now? 

What the hell happened to her? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened Rey?! 
> 
> Let's find out in the next chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the very long wait, but here I am with a new chapter and it's longer than ever!   
Enjoy my babies <3333
> 
> BTW PLZ READ THE TAGS BC THE LANGUAGE CAN BE TRIGGERING PLZ TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES

Rey was 10 years old when she saw a really sad movie. 

She was sitting in the living room alone, used to the constant background noise of the maids and workers talking about today's dinner or if someone washed the toilet up on the fourth floor. Rey wore a pink, fluffy skirt and a necklace that Kaydel had made her with pearls and a thread. It was big, purple pearls that Rey got stuck with for some reason and Kaydel didn’t mind her wearing them, even if it didn’t match her clothes. 

Rey’s fingers had ached, the piano lesson had ended ten minutes ago and she was hungry. An attempt to steal an apple from the kitchen was made, but one of the chefs had smacked her hand and told her to wait an hour more until dinner.

So she waited by turning on the television and the first thing that popped up was a bad, sad drama. 

It wasn’t really for kids. Actually, not for kids at all, but Rey kept watching and everyone in the house was running around to fix things and keep the host happy, even if Rey’s father wasn’t there, all while Rey sat alone in the big couch. Not a single bit of attention was one her, but she was used to it. 

So Rey kept watching. She watched a lonely woman listen to someone on the phone telling her the bad news. She watched the woman cry for her parents. She watched the woman stand by her parents' grave in the rain. 

“Ms. Rey, what are you doing?” Rey, who had tears running down her eyes, turned her head in panic at the maid standing beside her. Both of Kaydel’s eyebrows raised in question by Rey’s crying, trying to understand the sudden mood. But it didn’t take long to understand, her eyes landing on the television that played the sad music dramatically and back at the young girl. “Oh, Rey dear.” Kaydel sighed, sitting beside Rey who’s lips quivered. “You’re not supposed to watch that!” 

“I’m sorry…”, Rey cried, wiping her tears and fist gripping her fluffy skirt hard. “I’m sorry.” 

Kaydel sighed once again before hugging the young girl, patting her back and whispering “there, there” in her ear. Rey dug her head into her shoulder and they kept hugging each other as the workers of the household ran around and shouted orders to each other in a hurry. 

“When is dad coming home?”, Rey whispered, her cries calming down. 

“I don’t know.”, Kaydel answered. 

It was the same old answer Rey always heard. As she took long, shaky breaths, she rested her head on Kaydel’s shoulder and let her eyes wander back on the television. 

The sad, dark and gloomy tension in the movie wasn’t there anymore. 

Instead, the same woman who had cried for her dead parents by their graves, stared at a man. Her were eyes wide, lips parted and cheeks flushed. The man stared back too with glittering eyes and the hopeful music suddenly shouted through the television. Like a rainbow after a storm, the meeting between the obvious soulmates was a clear, perfect symbol for the viewers of the movie. That the lonely, dark world the woman lived in, was brightened again by the meeting of her soulmate. Her world became light again. 

There was hope. Hope in the form of a soulmate.

As Kaydel kept telling Rey about her father's possible arrival by Christmas time, Rey didn’t listen. She kept watching the meeting of the two soulmates with as wide eyes as the protagonist. Her heart racing in realization and hope her young, 10-year-old mind didn’t understand. 

Kaydel leaned back from the hug after a while, looking at the young girl with surprise across her face when seeing her completely vexed by the movie she just seconds ago cried about. The maid glanced at the movie, seeing the two soulmates perfect and dramatic meeting and back at the young girl whose jaw had dropped and with eyes that sparkled with hope. 

Kaydel sighed with a smile. 

“Ms. Rey.”, she sang playfully, breaking the spell the movie had on Rey. The girl quickly looked back at the maid guilty. “I’m talking to you.” 

“S-sorry.”, Rey stammered, her cheeks flushed. Kaydel laughed and placed both her hands over her cheeks to gain her fullest attention. It worked, Rey looked up at her maid with concentration across her face as Kaydel smiled. 

“Rey, sweet Rey.”, she whispered. “I know it’s lonely. I know that, but you just have to hold on for a few more years.” 

“Few years?”, Rey asked surprised and Kaydel nodded eagerly.

“Yes, because you’ll hopefully meet your soulmate. Just like the lady on the screen. And the two of you will be inseparable, because faith has paired you two for a reason.” 

Rey’s heart raced, her eyes shined and her lips smiled in excitement and happiness. 

“Really?”, Rey cried and Kaydel nodded happily. The thought of someone always being with her made butterflies fly in her stomach. The thought of never being alone again made her almost cry. 

The thought that maybe, maybe  _ just maybe _ , she wasn’t unwanted, made her feel hope again.

“Yes, my parents are soulmates and they love each other so! It’s going to be like that for you too Rey!” 

So Rey waited. 

Rey’s world was a boring one. It consisted of homeschooling, of obligatory piano lessons. Of meetings with people constantly changing her garderobe and the same people teaching her how to use makeup for a flawless finish. It was clubbing with her friends, watching them party and make out with each other. It was constant questioning. 

Why aren’t you having fun?  _ Why are you so modest?  _

Why don’t you want to have a good time?  _ Why are you still a virgin?  _

How are you still waiting for your soulmate?  _ Do you really believe in that? _

Yes, she believes in that. She believes in romance. Of true love. 

Her world was an awful one. Her mother left when she was four and her father was constantly gone. She could count on her fingers of all the times she had talked to him. It was a constant reminder when she stood in the middle of the hallway and the workers hurried around the house constantly without even looking at her. It was a reminder of how lonely she was. How unwanted she is. 

Her parents left, they left her! They didn’t want her and she knew that Kaydal saw her as work and her friends didn’t like that she was so pure, innocent and just, just-  _ nice, _ apart from them but Rey didn’t care she doesn’t care she doesn’t care! 

It doesn’t matter, Rey thought all the time. When she sat by her windows by night and cried, looking up at the stars that stood so far away from each other. 

It doesn’t matter, because one day, he’ll be here. He’ll save her, like that man in the movie brought hope for the lonely woman. Rey still remembers the hopeful melody, how it dramatically filled her ears. How it surrounded her with feelings of safety. 

Rey has her weak moments. There are times that she wants to die. To just… end this misery. 

Nobody wants her. Not even her parents. Why is she still here then? 

But she shakes her head and she closes her eyes. 

No. No, he’ll be here and he’ll save her from this misery. He’s going to save her. 

Her soulmate is the only light in her dark world. 

One night, she lies in her bed. It was 5 AM, she couldn’t sleep and her eyes were half-opened. Breathing slowly. Tears ran down her cheeks. She just turned 16 and her father had sent her a card. 

_ Happy birthday.  _

Nothing else. Nothing more. Rey had read the two words over and over again as Kaydel stood by her with guilt and sadness across her face as Rey’s breathing turned heavier, deeper. Despair choking her, reminding her of how unwanted she is. Her father hasn’t been home in four years and this, this is the only thing he gave her.

Kaydel didn’t even stop her when Rey threw the card away and ran up to her room.

_ Just end it,  _ a voice whispered in her head.  _ Just finish your damn life. You have piano lessons first thing in the morning. How fun… _

Rey kept laying in her bed. Unmoving. Agreeing with the voice. 

But no. 

No, because tomorrow she’s going to take a blood test at the lab. A small drop of blood in a small container. Then, patience. For at least three months because it takes time and it costs a lot too. A lot  _ lot _ . It’s not cheap finding your soulmate. 

Rey closed her eyes, a tear ran down to her ear. 

It won’t be a meeting like in the movies. 

But she couldn’t… she couldn’t wait any longer. 

The money and the wait were worth it. 

Ben is  _ perfect _ . 

He’s so beautiful. He’s so  _ damn _ beautiful. His hair is jet black, shiny and smells so good. He’s tall, big. Probably double the size of her, and it's perfect for hugs. His high cheekbones and the long nose are flawless. His teeth are straight and white, smile so pure and honest.

She doesn’t care that he’s a bartender. That he’s old. That he’s 17 years older than her. He is so perfect in her eyes. 

But he doesn’t think that she is. 

_ Just end it _ , the same voice whispered after her first meeting with him. She laid in bed, unmoving. Staring at the ceiling with blank, hooded eyes that constantly leaked tears.  _ Just finish it, your soulmate doesn’t want you. Nobody wants you!  _

Then he visited her, like a shining prince with a biker jacket and ripped jeans. 

He told her with other words that they have to keep it professional. No relationship, just friendship. 

Rey was okay with that. She was okay with anything. As long as she had him there. 

“Yo, Poe! Calm down.”, Finn screamed across the music as Rose laughed, Poe and Paige dramatically making out on the red leather couch at Finn’s place. Almost bumping into Rey who awkwardly jumped to the side. 

Rey sipped on the plastic cup that contained a bit of pear cider, blushing madly behind the cup. She always reacted to Poe and Paige’s constant making out with apathy, not feeling the need to care so much.

But when she saw the two of them passionately push their tongues into each other's mouth, she thought of Ben’s pink lips. That looks soft and perfect, nothing like himself and Rey stared at the non-soulmates with thoughts of her own that she never knew she had until she met Ben two times in her life. 

Rose giggled by something Finn said, but Rey felt him stare at her. His dark eyes burned into her soul, making Rey immediately glance back at the host. Rey swallowed, feeling a bit exposed watching the couple. 

Finn smirked like a fox. 

“So I met your soulmate.”, Finn started when Rose left for the toilet a bit tipsy. Rey felt her entire face turn red. Why Kaydel decided to contact Finn during her ‘bad times’, as Rey calls it, she will never know. But it was awful enough that Finn met Ben. She knew how much of a brat he can be, even if he’s handsome as hell. A true, genuine  _ fuckboy. _

Rey nodded, taking once again a sip of her drink. It was only two seconds behind the cup, but she just needed somewhere to hide. 

“Real old, isn’t he? Be careful, golden Rey.” Finn took a sip of his drink and chuckled. “There are some really weird creeps out there.” 

Rey’s eyes had widened by his comment, and suddenly Rose arrived again. Jumped right into Finn’s lap and started to entertain him with the crazy story of how she almost collapsed taking a piss. 

Suddenly, at that moment, when Poe and Paige almost had sex on the couch and Finn and Rose giggled with each other, Rey didn’t want to be there. 

She didn’t fit in there, she realized, looking down at the navy blue lace dress she wore together with the pearls on her handbag. She didn’t belong with these people and a sudden thought hit her. 

Where do you belong then? 

Rey felt her eyes sting, feeling like a bother. To everyone. To Kaydel, to Finn, to the whole world. 

She was a bother and she should die. 

Thankfully, she was reminded of the light in the dark world she lived in. 

She called Ben. 

“Fake ID’s?” Rey asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes but mostly trying to hide the swollen bags under eyes. It was just 10 AM, but Rey was still laying in bed when everyone decided to come over and break the news. 

It was a week ago since she kissed Ben in the car and she cried. She cried for days and night and Kaydel, who greeted her wailing by the door, begged Rey to tell her what had happened. But Rey didn’t say anything, she just went up to her room and she cried. 

She knows that Kaydel likes her better when she cries rather then Rey having her bad times. At least you could talk to her. Just like her friends did now. 

She knew that she shouldn’t have kissed Ben, knew not to screw this up. But his lips, his perfect lips. They were just inches away from her own, he told her that she wasn’t a bother to him (that was almost enough for her to melt) and the biological urge inside of her told her to claim him, her  _ perfect  _ soulmate! She had never felt like that before, never had an urge to kiss someone. But he was her soulmate, and that changed everything. 

All the time Paige and Poe had made out in front of her, actually benefited her. Because she knew exactly what to do and something, deep down in her, started to buzz when she heard him groan, a sound coming from the back of his throat and she had, like a reflex, rubbed her thighs together. She had never felt like that before, a strange and addicting feeling that she wanted more of. 

The whole thing was just so erotic, but also extremely romantic. So perfectly good, especially knowing that it was her first kiss too. With her Ben. 

Because she had waited on him. No one was to touch her body except for him, she had waited all this time without being in any kind of relationship or done any kind of acts. 

All of her was his. 

That made it very vulnerable. So when he had clenched her chin and almost screamed at her for not listening to him, she was so embarrassed. So ashamed that she wanted to die.

And the only thing that she has done the week after was to cry. He didn’t care about her the way she did. He was angry with her because she didn’t listen. 

She’s always a damn bother...

“Yep, Poe fixed them for just 105 dollars each!”, Rose claimed happily, sitting on the bed together with Rey who still wore her silken pink pajamas that Kaydel bought Rey for from Victoria’s Secret on her 16th birthday. 

“That cheap…?”, Rey whispered amazed. 

“It was easy as hell.”, Poe chuckled from the floor, sitting on the fluffy carpet with a phone up in his face. Paige who looked herself in Rey’s mirror, chuckled while admiring her appearance. Fixing her hair as she rolled her eyes. 

“Poe, please! You sent your servant to fix them.”

“As I said,” Poe posed for a snap and sent it. “Easy as hell!” 

“I don’t know…”, Rey started, feeling her heart ache warningly. Maybe she shouldn’t party. Ben… she should make up with Ben. But she doesn’t want to bother him…

Ben, Ben,  _ Ben- _

Suddenly, Finn, who stood by her window all that time, turned around and his smirk sent shivers up her spine. His long earing swung by his shoulder. 

“Are you alright, Rey?”, he asked with no care at all, only gave away a smile that reminded Rey of that fat cat in Alice in Wonderland. “Did something, maybe,  _ happen  _ after Mr. Ben-” 

“I-I’ll come, stop.”, Rey stuttered, feeling her cheeks turn red in embarrassment. 

Finn, that brat, could read her like a book and she did  _ not _ want him to say anything that may cause her friends to laugh at her. He used her sadness to make her go to the stupid club and she couldn't help but lower her gaze in embarrassment as she heard him chuckle.

“Then it’s settled!”, Rose laughed. “Let’s party!” 

Rey was listening to music in her room, sitting by her vanity with the light bulbs on around its mirror. She wore fluffy socks that somehow matched the smell of coziness the candle she has lighted smelled like, as she happily hummed to the music. 

On her face was a facemask, a green one that kind of had a small sting to it and her hair was in a messy bun, newly washed. In two days, she’d meet Ben at the diner and she had to look the best. This was her daily routine though, she always looked perfect when going out. It was something, Rey guessed, her dad made sure of she was. Always hiring those makeup artists and hairdressers. It’s probably because she had to look good, for the company's sake. 

To hide how depressed the millionaire's daughter really is. 

But now, it’s a habit. She has to look perfect when going out and that was a part of her. She didn’t mind, really. 

But her skin had reacted badly to the alcohol she had almost a week ago and it started to barely break out on her forehead. Rey would’ve shrugged, just covered it up with a bit of makeup. It wasn’t that bad. 

But now it was because she was supposed to meet Ben in two days. 

Rey had panicked and put on the mask in a hurry. Not that it would do anything, but Rey feared the thought of Ben hating her. 

Rey closed her eyes, suddenly thinking about what had happened about a week ago. 

She doesn’t know who's bad idea it was to go to the club Ben works at. Probably Finn, the way he pressured her to go. The way he smiled like the fat cat made her shiver by the thought of it. 

When they had sat at the VIP tables, Rey had felt awkward, afraid that Ben would suddenly show up. She had glanced over her shoulders several times and her hands had a slight shake because she had been so damn nervous. She wasn’t sure why, but either she wanted to see him, or she didn’t. So her palms had started to sweat and she had regretted wearing a tight, black dress that Paige had borrowed her. It was absolutely not her style, preferring light clothes, lace, and pearls. 

But a part of her had wanted to impress Ben. Maybe make him a bit-

“Having a lovers quarrel?” Finn’s sudden voice by Rey’s ear had made her jump in place, cheeks had turned red by his knowing smirk. She had been thankful for the loud music and darkness. Rey certainly didn’t want anyone else to hear his constant teasing. How did he always know things about her?-

Of course, a book. She was an open book. Right.

“No.”, Rey had answered back way too fast, shaking her head. Finn had laughed, reaching for a glass on the table, the red lights had reflected on his Rolex together with the white liquid.

“Oh, Golden Rey. You need to calm down a bit.” 

Rey had agreed, taking the glass. Hoping Finn didn’t catch the way her hands had trembled. 

Fifteen minutes into sipping the alcohol, Rey had relaxed. 

Suddenly Poe became funny and the first time in forever, Rey had laughed together with the group as they made fun of their parents and talked shit about their servants. But Rey didn’t say anything about her father or her servents.

Rey was just about to fill her glass when she had felt the tugging in her heart and she had almost dropped the bottle. Ben had noticed her, but Rey had felt way too relaxed to care as much as she would sober. She had tried to ignore him, laughed when Paige made fun of Poe, but suddenly it became too tight in her heart. Rey’s breath had hitched, just knew that he stood behind her and in pure panic, she had stood up and screamed;

“We should dance!” 

The group had stared at her surprised, not knowing Rey preferred dancing. But thankfully, they had obeyed and all of them jumped into the ocean of human bodies. 

Rey doesn't like clubs. Because the music had pounded in her ears, the lights flashed many times during one second and when she had walked it felt like a dream. Rey could take one step, one flash of light and everyone was suddenly gone. One flash more and suddenly her friends stood right in front of her and Rey felt like her brain had tricked her, when in fact her brain was confused too. 

Everything had flashed, people had screamed in joy, Rey had blinked a few times and all of this while her heart had tugged violently. 

Rey had seen Poe and Paige together, blinked, and then she had seen Rose dancing further away. 

Then something, someone, had pressed their body against her own and when Rey had looked down, it was Finn’s hands running down her body and not Ben’s pale ones she had hoped for. 

It only went on for a few seconds and Rey had closed her eyes in confusion and tiredness. Just for a second. 

Then a hand had snatched her wrist and Rey had almost flown across the dance floor. She had screamed and tried to snatch her hand away, but her heart pounded when it was finally Ben’s pale hand she saw. 

Ben had pressed her into the wall when they were outside, called her a brat, a fucking brat. She had screamed at him in pure frustration. Why didn’t he want to be with her? No man would object to being with a girl younger than himself, then why does Ben? Was there something wrong with her? 

But it didn’t matter because they both apologized in the end. 

Rey sighed, butterflies crashing into each other in her stomach because  _ God _ Ben is so perfect, so beautiful, so  _ beautiful! _

Ben, Ben,  _ Ben- _

Her phone suddenly rang, breaking Rey of her trance and she answered without thinking. 

“Hello?”

“Rey…” Rose groggy voice made Rey cringe, immediately asking her well being. “Rey I’m still hungover,  _ still! _ ” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I need a spa day. Y’ know that place in town? Let’s go on Saturday.” 

Rey’s eyebrows flew right up and she dropped her jaw. 

“J-just, you and me?” 

“Yeah. I think we could use some girl time. Plus, I wanna hear all about your soulmate!” Rey didn’t want to talk about Ben with Rose. Finn reacted so bad to it, she can only imagine what Rose will say. 

But talking about boys… that’s what girls do, right? 

“Y-yeah, sure! I’d love to.” 

“Great, see ya, sis!” Then Rose hanged up. 

Rey stared at her phone for a few seconds before her lips curled into a big smile, screaming into her palms in happiness. Not caring that she destroyed her face mask. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhh, we got a chapter from Rey's POV. In the next chapter, Rey's POV will continue and we'll find out what had happened to Rey. 
> 
> I'm so curious. What did y'all think of this chapter? 
> 
> ~Lenkia


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Rey's life is a hard one. Please read the tags before reading!

“And I told Paige, ‘stop continue like this or you’ll definitely get an STD!’” 

Rey nodded, even if Rose couldn't see her, careful so that the cucumbers on her eyes wouldn’t slide down her eyes. 

“Yeah, totally. No STD. They’re bad.”, Rey added, just because she felt like she needed to. 

Both Rey and Rose were laying on loungers in a very beautiful, relaxing room. The walls were in wood, just like the floor. White flowers covered the place and there was a bubble pool bubbled right beside them, waiting to be used. Both of the girls had white head wraps and bikinis on. Theirs robs hanged on the wall behind them. Very spa-like. 

Rey had been so excited for the day that she had bought a new pair of bikini. It was a yellow one, a bright yellow so her tan would be more defined, according to the lady working there.

“Do you want the top to be push-up or padded normally?” 

The question had Rey thinking. She had always been kind of disappointed in her chest. They were small, not as big as Rose’s, but Kaydel had assured that they’ll grow. Rey believed in her, it was only a few years ago that her puberty had started. So Rey wasn’t worried, she’d knew they grow eventually. 

But she can’t wait any longer, because… Ben…

“I’ll take the push-up.”

Now, when laying on her back, Rey felt a bit embarrassed about it. She was afraid Rose would notice and comment about it, but nothing had been said. It only proved that no one cared except for Rey. 

So she relaxed into the lounge and took a deep breath. A bit satisfied, knowing that her chest was good enough for Ben. For now. 

Rose laughed by Rey’s comment. 

“You know, Rey, we should totally hang out more often!”, Rose said excited and Rey felt her heart pound faster. A smile grew on her lips. “Sometimes I get sick with the way my sister keeps making out with Poe.” 

They both giggled and Rey felt happy. Sure, Rose talked a lot and Rey barely said anything but it was just nice being with someone without feeling pressured. Without anyone else around. 

Just them. 

“I-” Before Rey could even open her mouth, a voice interrupted her. 

“Who are you talking shit about Rose?” 

Both Rey and Rose took of the cucumbers over their eyes in surprise and Rey’s breath hitched when she saw Poe, Paige, and Finn by the door. Smug smiles across their faces and wearing bathing clothes. 

Rose shrieked in happiness together with her sister, ran towards Finn and hugged him hard as they all laughed together. Rey still sat on her lounge, her eye wide in surprise. Tried to understand what's happening. 

“What are you guys doing here?”, Rose laughed, hugging Poe too. 

“We heard you and Rey went to the spa, and we wanted you to join you!” 

“No way!” 

The friends all laughed and hugged each other, talking about how it was such a great idea to come and how they threatened the lady in the reception to let them in (with the help of their last names) and it was so funny and hilarious and smart and _amazing._

Rey still sat on the lounger. Shocked. She should feel embarrassed. She should’ve covered herself, especially since there are boys here now, but something inside of her simply blocked out that feeling of self-pity. 

She should’ve been used to it. Should’ve been used to the feeling of being left out once again. She normally would’ve put on her rob and told them that she isn’t feeling well and then leave to go home and cry. Feel bad for herself and feel stupid for believing that she really could have had a friendship apart from her odd ones with the others. 

But no. Rey’s breath turned heavier, her eyes stung a bit and her hands shook. 

Rey realized that she was angry. Because Rose had promised her. She had promised her that it would be only them and that they would have fun, but no. They always have to interfere and  _ destroy _ everything. Always constant teasing and mocking by Finn and now  _ this? _

It’s not fair!

“Gosh, that’s hilarious!”, Rose screamed, leaning into Finn's shoulder with a smile. His arm around her. “Rey isn’t it funny-”

“No!” The group of friends turned quiet, their eyebrows raised in question by Rey’s aggressive answer. Rey took of the white wrap on her head and stood up, both her hands in fists and wet hair around her shoulder. She didn’t care that she stood up with only her yellow bikini on. Paige and Rose weren’t ashamed, why does Rey always have to be? 

Her eyes turned small and she bared her teeth. “You promised me that only we would hang out today. You promised!” 

She saw that Rose immediately felt guilty, her smile disappearing. She looked down at the wooden floor embarrassed, and a part of Rey felt a bit relieved. It meant that Rose hadn’t done it on purpose. 

Before Rose could apologize, her sister interrupted angrily. 

“Don’t talk to my sister like that!”, Paige spat, making Poe who stood beside her laugh. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” 

“You don’t have to swear.”, Rey answered back, her heart starting to race faster. After Rose’s attempt to apologize, Rey felt a bit better but she doesn’t want to start a fight. Especially with Paige. She could be so mean sometimes. 

But the adrenaline still pumped inside of Rey, so she dared to open her mouth again. Otherwise, she would’ve apologized immediately. “I just don't think it’s nice for you to come without asking-”

“Why the hell should we ask  _ you _ ? Your mom left without asking.”, Poe laughed, making Paige and Finn chuckle, and the comment completely shocked Rey. 

Her eyes turned wide. It became hard to breathe and her hands trembled in either sadness or anger, she didn’t know. But it hurt. His words hurt, they really did.

“Come on, guys. Stop it…”, Rose whispered ashamed as the three of them giggled. 

They’re just trying to make her sad, Rey thought. Taking a deep breath and shaking her head. She’s better then them and even if it hurts, it’s the price she has to pay for being nice.

Rey just wants to be nice, to not hurt anyone's feelings. Her whole life was a constant punch in her face and no one deserves to be sad. She’s better than them, that’s why she won’t say anything and just go. 

They continued to laugh as Rey walked towards her rob, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. It’s almost like it’s a scene out of a teenage movie, where the bullying is so damn cliche with topics about family issues that are suddenly everyone's business. It’s ridiculous on TV, but it’s really awful in real life because Rey wants to die. She’ll just take her stuff and leave. Stay in her bed and cry for a bit. Then lie to Ben and tell him how fun it was, she doesn’t want to bother him. 

“No, Rey don’t go!”, Rose said after her, her voice filled with guilt and worry, but Finn sighed annoyed. 

“Let her go. We aren’t _good_ enough for her, anyway. She’ll probably go to her old _soulmate._” 

Rey stopped walking, froze in her spot. 

“Gross.”, Paige said with disgust in her voice. Pure disgust. “What a pervert-”

Before Page could finish the sentence, Rey had turned around and within seconds, ran up to her and hit her straight in her face.

Maybe Rey imagined it, but she heard something break. Probably bones. Her fist aches because it really hurts to punch someone in the face and Paige's loud gasp only makes the blood flowing out her nose more dramatic. Apart from the blood, Rey saw red. 

She had never been this angry before. Never felt this kind of anger. They could talk about bad about her father. Her mother. She doesn’t care, because she can handle it. They don’t mean much to her. 

But Ben. No. No one talks bad about Ben. He means the world to her. More than her mother and father ever will. No, he can’t even be compared to them. Her own parents are nothing besides him. He is the sun and she’s a planet spinning around him, completely reliable on him. Completely unimportant if she stops to function. He’s her  _ everything. _

So no one talks bad about her Ben. 

“What the  _ fuck _ !”, Paige screamed, holding her nose with both her hands as blood flow down between her fingers, tears running down her cheeks. Completely shocked by Rey’s action, just like the rest of them, who stared at Rey with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

“Don’t ever talk about Ben like that!”, Rey screamed, fat angry tears escaping her eyes. “He’s not a pervert, he’s nice to me. Nicer than you’ll ever be!” 

Then Rey turned around, sobbing loudly and heads for home. She just wants to be with Kaydel or beg Ben for a hug, completely innocent she promises, she just needs a hug! 

Rey cries, reaching for her rob before-

“You fucking bitch!” 

Suddenly, Paige took a grip around her hair from behind. Rey's eyes widened and her breath hitched when Paige snatched. So hard that Rey screamed, clenching her eyes and trying to reach for Paige’s wrist, but it is to no help. Paige pushed her into the closest wall and Rey wails into the wooden wall in pain. The slam sending waves of pain across her body, especially her stomach. Rey screamed when Poe suddenly helped his girlfriend and pressed her face more violently, squeezing her cheek harder into the wall. 

“Have some fucking respect, you rat!”, Poe spat into her ear as Rey kicked her legs, trying to escape as a panic attack starts to hit her. Rey was stuck between the wall and Poe’s body and she couldn’t breathe. 

“Let go of me! Please stop!” 

“You think you’re so much better than us, huh? Just because you wear long skirts and saved your  _ virginity _ to an old man you don’t fucking know, like some kind of nun!”, Paige screamed right into her ear, knew that she’s wearing a big grin she couldn’t see and Rey can hear Finn laugh. 

“True!”, he added. 

“You look down on us, don’t you? I know your fancy-ass do!”

“No!”, Rey wailed, sobbing loudly and clenched her eyes hard. Her whole body trembled. ”No, I would never do that, you are my friends!” Her heart was racing so fast and Rey realizes that the fact that her friends hated her so much hurts more than Poe’s grip of her hair. The fact only made it harder to breathe and why hasn’t anyone heard her yet? Why hasn’t Rose told them to stop?

“Yeah right! You’re just as fake as your tits.”

Rey’s screaming suddenly stopped, her breath hitched and eyes opened when she felt how Paige slim fingers opened up the bikini top she wore. It loosened and before Rey knew it, the yellow piece of fabric left her body. 

Rey’s eyes turned wider, her whole body turned red in embarrassment and her friend's laughter echoed into her ears. 

They laughed at her. She could hear Finn and Poe wail in laughter, threw the bikini top across the room like a ball and the heartbreak she felt was deeper than her father’s betrayal. Her mother's betrayal. 

They made fun of her, they humiliated her. 

They hated her.

Like a fish on land, Rey trashed her whole body violently. Surprised Poe by the sudden force she had, but he was fast to press harder as Rey  _ screamed.  _ She cried loudly and brutal as tears ran down her cheeks and sobs were just loud shrieks. Her voice didn’t even sound human anymore. The betrayal made her animalistic.

“No!” Rey tried to shrink, tried to somehow shrink so that she could hide her chest with her stomach, but Poe didn’t budge. Her breast was pressed into the wall and it felt like her lungs crushed into it too. 

Paige covered her mouth with her palm and spat into her ear as Rey closed her eyes and cried into her hand, body trembling.

“I’m sick and tired of your innocent act. We all know you’re just trying to look nice to make us look bad! Fuck you, you bitch!”

Then Poe let go of Rey and Rey crumbled down to the ground, her legs weak as jello. Rey immediately covered her chest with her arms, sobbing quietly to herself, tears raining to the ground. 

Rey wasn’t trying to act innocent or nice to make them look bad. Rey had never thought so. She always tried to be nice so that others won’t feel bad. She just wants everyone to be happy, why wasn’t it good enough? Why did she always try to make people happy, when it the end it was herself who suffered?

As Rey cried on the ground, like a frozen, beaten kitten shrank and trembling like a leaf, she could hear how Paige, Poe, and Finn whisper to each other. Probably that she deserved it to make them less guilty before they left. Rose didn’t say anything. 

“And I was so pumped up for spa…”, Finn sighed with sarcasm before the door closed behind them. Leaving Rey alone in the spa room. The only sound was the pool working, a calming buzz that did nothing to make Rey relax. 

After an hour, Rey stood up. Her legs shook unsteady. Body shivered in cold. Face swollen, red and miserable. Rey simply felt... nothing. Her bikini top was floating in the pool.

She realized then that even if Ben was the light in her awful world, he couldn’t save her. 

It was too dark. 

* * *

Ben sat in the living room, staring out in space as he slowly felt the exhaustion of the day sink in. The couch under him was soft and if it wasn’t for the urge to know how Rey is now, he would’ve long fallen asleep. 

He glanced up at the clock. An hour. An hour since Rey finally cried. A sign of life. A response. A genuine response to the outer world. A simple meaning was enough to wake her up from what Kaydel said to him was the worst periods she’s ever had. 

Ben sighs. It makes him realize how big impact he had on this girl. She truly wanted him. She yearned after his affection. He, a simple, old man with greasy long hair and a big nose. He was nothing special, but for her, he is her soulmate. He is her everything. He is the only one who she needs, according to herself. 

If Ben truly gave her the love and affection she needed, wanted, the girl would be so happy. She would be the happy girl he sees in her, the one this cruel world doesn’t let her be. She would smile and laugh more often and cry less. Would never again lay in bed and feel like a bother. The positivity and kindness she has wouldn’t be contained by her own feeling of unworthiness. 

Her happiness, her feeling of being unwanted, was Ben’s fate. It played in his palms. 

Ben closed his eyes, sighing loudly as guilt keeps spreading inside of him like fire. He can’t handle that sort of power, he doesn’t want to. Yet he understands her. Ben was too stupid to ever think about soulmates and such during Rey’s age. But if there was someone who could fill his loneliness that time, and also connected to him spiritually, he wouldn’t have hesitated to latch for that someone. And Rey, being a teenage girl, can he only imagine how media has glamorized the idea of soulmates for them. A destined love, a partner forever. In Rey’s ears, it could only have sounded like someone to fill out her loneliness.

Ben is certain, so damn certain, that if Rey was at an appropriate age, he would’ve been with her. He would’ve married her, gotten an apartment and tried for children. A cliche and typical life, just like Hux and Bazine. He would’ve tried to fall in love, and with the help of the Connection, it wouldn’t take long to do so. 

Already now, with Rey’s young age, does he feel something. He knows it’s not right, he fights it. It’s not love, but it’s something thanks to the Connection. It’s the same feeling that wanted more when they kissed in the car, the same feeling when seeing Rey dance with Finn at the club. 

It’s something, and it’s wrong. And he can give her that happiness she deserves because she’s too young. Too damn young!

“Mr. Solo?” Ben looks up startled, gone in his thinking when he sees Kaydel by the door. She smiles, but it’s half-hearted. She looks exhausted, the circles under her eyes say it all. 

“How is she?”, Ben asks, standing up. 

“She’s fine.”, Kaydel says. “She ate the food and I’ve helped her taken a bath. Thank you so much for today, Mr. Solo. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“It’s… It’s nothing.” Ben adds, shaking his head overwhelmed. “Can I see her? I just want to see if she’s alright now.” 

“Of course.”, Kaydel smiles again. “Rey insisted me to sleep the rest of the day. I’ll go inform her of your wait before going to bed. Thank you once again, Mr. Solo.” 

Ben nods his head before the maid turns around to leave. He sits back again on the couch, hearing her steps echo to the living room. 

The relief of it all, the ticking clock playing its tune and the soft couch are all great factors that cause Ben to close his eyes. Just for a few seconds before Rey comes down. He just needs his rest. He came home late last night and the tension in his muscles is finally relaxing. 

It only takes a few minutes before his breath turn even. Head blank. Floating between drowsy and awake, balancing on a string and only a slight push would be enough to fall into the black void of sleep. 

But he doesn’t fall asleep. His heart starts to tug. The small, naked footsteps hitting the floor, walking down the steps keeps him balancing on the string. A presence in front of him, plus the pulling in his heart tells him to wake up, that she’s here now. 

Before he can open his eyes, awaken himself, the same body is suddenly sitting in his lap, climbing up his big body. Both knees bent between his legs, resting on the couch and behind sitting right on his thighs. The small arms immediately placed around his neck, hugging him like a koala and his eyes are slowly opening. The string in his heart is pulling like crazy.

The wet slings of hair caressing his face are enough to wake him up within seconds. 

He blinks a few times, taking several heavy breaths before noticing Rey sitting in his lap. He notices more things too. 

She just got out of the shower. Her hair is wet, and she’s only wearing a bathrobe. And there is nothing under, he sees that through the small glimpse of the robe on her back. Only silken, tan skin under it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think y'all going to like the next chapter ;)) 
> 
> Nah, Y'all gonna love it!!! ;)))))


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins right after the last one ended! 
> 
> Enjoy ;))

Ben should panic. 

He should push Rey away and run because there is a 16-year-old naked girl sitting right on him with her  _ part _ pressed right against his. It’s inappropriate and wrong, and Ben doesn’t want to feel anything that might prove him as the pervert he is. He doesn’t want to. Kaydel can come into the living room and see this. He should panic.

But he doesn’t. 

Because he wakes up to the sound of her small cries, wetness right on his collarbone, the fabric soaked in tears. Her shivering, trembling body in his laps that only wants one thing. 

A hug. 

It’s a buffer for his actual panic, and instead of feeling it, he only feels relief. A good kind of relief. The one that makes him release a long exhale and a smile. 

Ben places his arms around her waist and hugs her back, trying to somehow keep her warm. Realizing how small she is in his lap. Both his elbows touching each other when meeting behind her back, his chin resting on the top of her head and his hand almost covering her whole back. She’s so small, so fragile. He could easily hug her so hard that her ribs would crack under his arms. It’s almost a bit scary.

“Rey…”, Ben whispers hoarsely, placing his hand on her head. The sleepiness still lingering in his voice. “What happened to you?”

It takes a few quiet seconds before Rey leans out, hands resting on his shoulders. Their eyes meet and just like that, the pulling of the string in his heart stops. He immediately notices her eyes. Still red, swollen and wet, but mostly tired. She has a small smile on her face, a smile that doesn’t match her tears yet is still a genuine one. Her hair is wet, long slings resting around her shoulders. Unfixed, frizzy yet real. So real, nothing like the way she usually fixes it, too perfect and unnatural. Her rob has opened up by the chest, revealing the tan skin of her throat, collarbones and a slip of her breast. Not too much, though. 

“Ben.”, she whispers, hope and happiness filled in her voice. “Ben, am I your perfect soulmate?”

Sitting on his lap, with long, unfixed, wavy slings of brown around her face, no make-up and a single rob covering her body, Ben realizes that this is Rey. 

No straightened hair. No mascara running down her face, not the new, brand clothes. 

Just her, with a smile on her face and pure happiness that’ll always be linked to sadness. It’s not like Ben has a problem with how she dresses though, he thinks she’s beautiful too. But it just feels so wrong, how perfect she can appear, how perfect she has to act. It’s like the half-hearted smiles, fixed hair and expensive clothes is just a mask of who she is. 

But this, this is her. Sitting in his lap with a smile. And she’s beautiful. 

She’s perfect. 

“Yes.”, he whispers back. It sounds wrong because she is perfect for him. But not to him as a partner. And it’s going to cause misunderstandings with Rey because she always wants love from him, but he can’t lie to her. She is his perfect soulmate, but not the age. The age is not perfect.

Rey smiles brighter and tears keep creating in her eyes, sobbing loudly by the seconds before she hugs him harder once again. Digging her face into his chest as she cries. Ben hugs her back. 

“Then I don’t care.”, Rey says between sobs into his chest. “I don’t care what they think. If I’m perfect for you, nothing else matters.” 

“What do you mean by that?”, Ben asks, his voice becoming serious. Rey suddenly freezes in his lap, her sobbings stops. 

This was about what had happened to her that caused her to fall into depression, and Ben feel how his heart starts to race faster. Anger bubbling in him, because he heard her say ‘they’ and ‘they’ can only mean one thing. One group. 

He wants to kill them because he already knows that Rey would do nothing to hurt anyone's feelings. He knows what kind of people they are, what kind of misbehaving brats they are. Rey’s too pure and too nice to cause anything, but they aren’t. 

Unfortunately, it’s always the kind ones who get stepped on the most. 

“It doesn’t matter.”, Rey answers, hiding her face in his shirt.

“Rey, it _does_ matter.”, Ben responds annoyed. “Tell me, or I’ll contact  _ Finn _ myself-” 

Rey comes out of her hiding spot, looking up at him with wide eyes. 

“No! It was just-” Rey looks around herself, trying to find words in panic while avoiding eye contact. Cheeks becoming red. “I got angry at them, and they got angry at me. Then they said mean... things about you and I got angry and I hit Paige-”

“What?!” Ben's eyes almost bulge out, dropping his jaw and Rey cringe by his expression, eyes tearing up again. “You hit her?!” 

“I feel so guilty about it!” Rey shakes her head, her body starting to tremble. The grip Rey has on his shoulders turn righter. “But I couldn’t let them say stuff about you, Ben. I couldn’t…” 

“Rey…” Ben closes his eyes, shaking his head. A heavy sigh escaping his mouth. “Rey, people are going to…  _ talk _ about our relationship. About our Connection. It’s odd, and it looks weird...”  _ It is weird. _

Rey looks at him with bothered eyes, tilting her head to the side annoyed. 

“Then does that make us less worthy, Ben? Do they have the right to talk about us that way, just because it _looks_ _weird_?”

Her question hits Ben hard, making him completely speechless. He can’t answer Rey, he can only stare at her as the question slowly sinks in his head. 

_ Does their Connection make them less worthy? _

No, no it doesn’t. 

Ben swallows, breaking eye contact with the girl before she once again leans forward into him. Resting her cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. 

A heavy silence hung over them. 

“What happened after you hit her?”, Ben finally asks because he feels like there is more to the story that she won’t tell. 

And she doesn’t say, she becomes quiet in his lap, shivering by the cold and he can feel lonely teardrops wet his shirt once again. A loud sob escapes her mouth and it reminds Ben of a wet, shivering kitten. Exactly as fragile and hurt as she was in the car after their kiss. 

She’s hurt. She’s really hurt and Ben is hurt too. His eyes are stinging, but he won’t cry. He needs to stay strong for her, but it’s not fair for this lonely girl to feel more than she already does. Suffer. It’s not fair. 

“They hate me..”, she whispers, her voice filled with sadness and unshed tears. The way the throat gets all tight, dry and stinging. “They hate me. They made fun of me. Of my…” Rey whimpers before starting to cry loudly. Ben can do nothing but hug her harder, her whole body turning warmer in his arms as she trembles. “I- I was so embarrassed, Ben. I was so embarrassed!”, she wails into his chest. 

“Rey…” Ben starts to see blurry, his throat tightens too and he doesn’t want to cry, but his voice is unsteady. Shaky. “Rey, tell me what happened, I want to help you.” 

She cries a few more minutes. He can see how red she is in shame and he tries to breathe so he can get his shit together. He closes his eyes, letting her be a few minutes but also letting himself calm. 

Ben doesn’t think he’s ready to hear what she has to say. She’s clearly heartbroken and if she tells him something, even if it ends up being a small push, he would probably run to his car and drive all the way to Finns and fucking end him. End his damn life and the rest of them because his soulmate is hurt. His lonely soulmate suffers as much as he did and he knows how much it hurts.

Rey stops to cry, slowly leaning away from their hug. She places her hands on his shoulders once again, staring up at Ben with wet, big eyes and something else Ben can’t describe. Was it curiosity? Or was it lust? 

“Ben?”, Rey asks. Ben stared at her, waiting. He doesn’t know what to expect from his soulmate when she suddenly looks at him like that. When she bites her lips in concentration. Ben’s nervous.

Then she takes his right hand, the one resting on her waist and before he knows it, _before he can stop it_, she leads his hand right under her rob and places his palm right on her breast. 

The whole world stops to spin.

Ben’s eyes widen, his lips parted. The action was so sudden, so unpredictable that it shocked him to the core. Just staring at Rey’s small hand over his big one hidden under her robe. But he can feel her nipple, her diamond hard nipple right under his palm and he lets out a shaky exhale. 

_ What the fuck… _

“Ben?” Ben keeps staring before finally looking up at Rey, his eyes still wide. Her cheeks are bright red, embarrassment covers her whole face as she looks at him with the most seductive look he’s ever seen on her. But it’s not the first time. 

No, no after their kiss in the car, she had looked at him just like this. With half-opened eyes and wet lips. But now, her hair is spread over her shoulders and she’s sitting in his lap with her rob now almost sliding off her shoulders, her hand over his, right on her breast. 

She looks like a goddess. 

“Ben, are they good enough for you?”, she whispers and Ben’s breath turns heavier, trying to realize what’s going on inside of him. Why his body is reacting like this, even though he knows it’s wrong. “If they are, then it doesn’t matter. If I’m perfect for you, nothing else matters...” 

“Rey…”, Ben whispers and he can’t seem to hear anything. 

He should tell her that her own worth isn’t defined by his opinions, that she shouldn’t care what he thinks. 

But all he can think of is her breast in his palm. Her small, pear-shaped breast that’s still not done growing. That fit his palm so perfectly and the nipple that yearns for attention. And worst of all, how wrong this is. How fucking wrongs this makes him feel. 

But once again, it’s the Connection that makes everything so much harder. That glamourize the wrong things, that yearns him to claim his soulmate as his with technics that makes every little innocent touch much more pleasurable and more erotic than it normally is.

It’s so wrong, Ben thinks, when he suddenly moves his hand under Rey’s tan one. Clenching his fingers around her breast, massaging it with his palm. 

He knows that the Soulmate Connection makes every touch so much better, yet Rey’s extreme reaction surprise him. 

She gasps, closing her eyes and lips parting as she moans. Throwing her head back and arching her chest closer to him and fuck  _ fuck _ Ben feels the blood flow right into his dick.

She moans, opening her eyes slowly as her breath turn as heavy and puffy as his and she looks so hot, so beautiful, his 16-year-old soulmate in his lap.

“Ben...”

He groans when he hears his name in her mouth, feeling dizzy enough to let his thumb brush over her nipple and Rey moans once again, resting her forehead on his shoulder and she squirms in his lap. 

Pressing herself right against him. 

Ben throws his head back, clenching his eyes and his teeth in an attempt to contain his groan. He can feel himself growing harder, right under Rey and he can thankfully feel that she’s wearing panties. He can’t see which color, her body is too pressed into his for him to see.

Rey has her hands on his shoulder again, leaving his hand alone on her breast. He slowly looks down between their hugged bodies to see her nipple between his fingers. A beautiful nude shade of color, the same of her lips. Her rob she wore is now of her right shoulder, showing off her tan, childlike skin that looks so soft and Ben is hard now. So damn hard and high of this feeling and he’s sure that Rey feels him against herself too. 

She starts to move in his lap.

Ben lets out an uneasy exhale, closing his eyes as Rey gasps against his neck, sending goosebump all over his body. He continues to fondle her chest, brushing his fingers over her sensitive nipple and it makes her squirm on his lap which makes Ben groan loudly. 

The wheel of pleasure continues, and sometimes Rey places small kisses on his neck whenever she isn’t moaning. And all thoughts of this being bad, of their age, of morality, is gone and replaced by the pleasure that blinds Ben in such a way that it scares him. It’s not natural, it’s like he’s drunk and he knows that nothing like this would have occurred if it wasn’t for the Connection.

He yearns for his soulmate. He yearns for Rey. And her age does  _ not _ matter. Because biology tells him that this is his soulmate and nothing else. It doesn’t consider morality at all. It’s animalistic.

“Ben…” Without stopping to grind against him, without him stopping to massage her breast, Rey suddenly places her forehead against his. Both staring into each other's half-opened eyes, both vexed on the feeling of each other. Breathing heavy against each other lips as they move, before Rey leans in for a kiss-

“Hello!”

They both gasp in surprise, their eyes widen and movements stop. Both their head turns towards the sound coming from the front door and it takes only a second for Ben to realize what the fuck is happening. 

“What...-”, Rey whispers to herself and Ben realize that they have to  _ do _ something before the intruder walks into the living room. His heart raced faster than it ever has done in his life, panic hitting him right in his face.

“Rey!”, Ben whispers hurried, pushing her off him. “Hurry!” Rey shakes her head, awakened as she climbs down his lap fast and Ben’s hands are shaking when he closes Rey’s bathrobe, feeling sweat create on his forehead as Rey stands there in shock, her eyes stuck on the door of the living room, the footsteps coming closer. 

The moment Ben tightens the string around her waist, he stands up and immediately sees a man by the door. 

Ben’s breath hitch, his heart stops by the sight. The man is wearing a suit. A black one with a grey tie that matches the few grey strings he has on his newly cut hair. He must be a few years older than Ben himself, not much more. The man had a phone pressed to his ear, but is now frozen by the sight of Ben and Rey standing in the living room caught. With Rey in just a robe and Ben with frizzy hair, both of them wearing a flushed face. His eyebrow raised in surprise. 

“Dad, you’re home…”, Rey finally says, not a single bit of excitement in her tone, only surprise.

Mr. Niima looks at his daughter before his eyes land on Ben. 

Ben swallows. 

_ Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah ben is pretty fucked


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll find a lot of "Fuck"s from Ben in this chapter bc I feel like that literally summons up his whole mood lmao enjoy!!

“Rey…”, Mr. Niima finally said, totally confused but mostly surprised by the sight. His voice was dark, deep. Nothing like Rey’s light one, but more like Ben’s voice. A man. 

“Dad.” Rey held Ben’s hand and with a proud, happy face she smiled. “This is Ben Solo, my soulmate!” 

Ben closed his eyes and sighed. 

_ Fuck _ !

“Your soulmate?”, Mr. Niima repeated shocked and it was time for Ben to act in this movie he’s starring, and not be a viewer. 

He can’t believe he’s in this position. Like a fucking teenage movie, where the boyfriend and girlfriend do  _ stuff _ and the dad decides to come home and then the boyfriend sweats while trying to impress the father. 

But Ben is a 33-year old man, not 16 or 17 or any damn age that seems appropriate. He’s holding hands with this rich man’s daughter who’s only wearing a bathrobe. 

How the hell is he supposed to impress her father now?!

“Yes, my name’s is Ben Solo.” Ben takes a step forward and reaches out his trembling arm for a shake. “Nice to meet you.” 

He can see how Mr. Niima raises an eyebrow, lifting his head a bit to be able to look Ben in the face. He’s almost looming over Rey’s father, many inches longer than him and hell does that make Ben even look worse. 

He knows that men don’t like to look smaller than other men in their own house. Especially when it’s a man who’s with his daughter. 

Mr. Niima finally smiles and shakes his hand back. 

But the smile is forced and the handgrip is way too tight. 

Ben felt his heart race faster. 

“Rey, dear. Why don’t you go and put on some clothes, so I and your  _ soulmate _ can have a little chat?” 

Rey turns quiet and when Ben looks over his shoulder, he’s unfortunate when he sees his soulmate with a blank face. He sees her swallow, meeting Ben’s eyes with not much but worry before looking down on the ground. 

_ Ben is so screwed.  _

“Yes, father.” 

Then Rey walks past them with her neck hanging, almost a bit ashamed and fuck, _fuck_ Ben is in so much shit! He’s starting to sweat and Mr. Niima gives him the most awfullest face Ben’s ever seen. A mixture of a smile and disgust, looking down on him in his smart way. He looks nothing like Rey, if not his hair color and eyes. The rest must have been her mother’s looks.

Ben won’t be able to impress this man. He already looks bad, bad enough with his long, unfixed hair and black sneakers. Red cheeks and his soulmate naked, walking from them.

“Let’s talk in my office, Mr. Solo.” 

Mr. Niima says his name like Ben is his long lost enemy. 

They sit in Mr. Niima's office. A room down the hall on the first floor. Ben is sweating, secretly wiping his palms on his ripped jeans as he sits down on a chair, facing the desk and the big seat Mr. Niima is supposed to sit on.

Ben looks around. The office is not like the rest of the house. It has antic stuff inside, like an old table in the middle of the room and a bear head hanging on the wall. Ben looks over his shoulder, seeing Mr. Niima stand by a table in the corner. Were different kinds of expensive whiskey and vodka rest and he takes two glasses, filling them both up with brown liquor. 

“Whiskey?”, Mr. Niima asks, even if he’s already filled it up, but Ben says a little pathetic ‘yes’ as an answer anyways. Ben doesn’t like whiskey so much. No, he hates it. His father used to drink it. Maybe he still does.

Mr. Niima walks up to Ben and gives him the glass, smiling before he slowly walks towards his own seat. The shiny black shoes he wears are clicking against the floor eerie and it sends shivers up Ben’s spine. 

Mr. Niima finally sits in front of him, with a forced smile. 

It’s quite a few minutes, the only sound is the ticking clock playing its tune. Ben takes a sip of his alcohol, and it burns all the way to his stomach. Not helping at all when it comes to the drops of sweat running down his back. He feels like a teenager, sitting in front of his soulmate's dad. It’s humiliating, considering the fact that he’s as old as the man. But Ben doesn’t have the right to say anything, especially after he caught them red-handed. 

“It has been a long day,”, Mr. Niima begins, taking a sip of his drink. Hissing by the sting of it before leaning back in his seat. Ben sits with one hand on his knee, like a child. He’s trying to hide the way his knees tremble. “I’ve just had a meeting down in Europe, before taking an 12-hour flight back, they even lost my damn luggage on the way. Haven’t been home in four years now.” 

Ben swallows.  _ He hasn’t seen Rey in four years? _ It makes him angry because he knew how it feels like to have asshole parents. Parents who simply don’t care. Ben wants to leave this room and go to Rey and hug her. 

“Then I find you and my daughter, in my living room…” Ben’s breath hitch and Mr. Niima’s eyes become small.  _ Fuck, fuck fuck he’s so screwed!  _ “Tell me, Mr. Solo. Who are you?” 

The question itself is worse than being caught with his daughter. It was a question that is supposed to humiliate him by answering the question himself. To tell them both about his shitty job that gives a shitty pay and that itself would tell Ben and Mr. Niima how unworthy he is for Rey. 

Ben feels his face turn red, yet he swallows and straightens his spine. 

No, no Ben won’t let this man win a fight that is impossible for Ben to win. He can’t help that he’s soulmate with a rich kid. That she’s 17 years old younger than him. He can’t help that, it’s unfair of Mr. Niima to play that game.

“There is not much of me to say.”, Ben begins. “I work as a bartender on the club Order First-” 

“How old are you?”, he interrupts and Ben swallows. 

“33.” 

Mr. Niima hums, taking a sip of his drink while eyeing him behind his glass. 

“Just three years younger than me…” 

Ben suddenly thinks of that time Finn visited him for the first time, telling him that Rey had  _ ‘daddy issues’. _ If this doesn’t already look bad, Ben doesn’t know what does. He’s almost as old as Rey’s father, and it’s fucking disturbing. 

He suddenly regrets what happened just fifteen minutes ago. Ben should’ve known better, but once again the Connection had numbed any kind of logic in Ben’s head. He feels incredibly guilty now. 

“Mr. Niima…”, Ben says, releasing a big exhale as he shakes his head. “I can  _ assure _ you that I’m aware of this Connection we have to be... Inappropriate. In the beginning, I didn’t want anything to do with it, due to our age differences. But in the end, your daughter is my soulmate and I can’t ignore that.” Ben puts down his drink and leans forward as Mr. Niima continues to stare at him with small eyes. “I’ve talked to her and made sure that nothing of that sort of  _ stuff _ will happen and we both have agreed on that. In the end, there is nothing to solve this problem, if not our agreement.”

“There is.” Ben furrowed his eyebrows in surprise and Mr. Niima smiles instead. A wicked smile. 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I mean that everything can be solved with the help of money.” Mr. Niima leans forward, resting his elbows on the table as he gives Ben an awful grin. “How much do you need, huh? 10.000 dollars? 20.000? For you to leave this city and never come back? I know how persistent Rey can be sometimes. Teenagers and all... Think of this as a favor from me!” 

Ben stares at him, eyes wide and lips parted. 

He realizes now that in front of him sits Satan himself, for no father in the world would say that about their daughter. It makes Ben’s throat tighten, hands shake by the fact that this is the only family Rey has, and it suddenly make sense that Rey just wants someone to be there for her. To have her own kind of family. It’s awful and cruel, knowing that the only happiness his daughter has, he wants to buy. 

If Ben was a teenager, he would’ve hit something. Hit him. He had serious anger issues back then, but after therapy, he hasn’t had an outburst once and Ben has been proud of that. 

But ever since he got into this mess, of the Soulmate Connection, it had been several outbursts, several times. The fact that he almost threw Rey into the car seat after their kiss, and that he pressed her body into the wall in pure jealousy, it’s only getting worse and worse. So many things keep triggering him.

And now, he wants to hit this man in front of him. His whole body is trembling in rage and just one punch would satisfy him. One hard punch would satisfy the wild animal Ben was as a teenager, still living inside him.

But Ben stands up instead, slams the glass of whiskey on the desk as he glares at Mr. Niima with small eyes. 

“I’m not for sale, Mr. Niima. Thank you for the drink.” 

Then he leaves, hiding his trembling hands. 

Ben is just about to open up his car outside the Niima mansion when-

“Ben!” 

Ben turns around to see Rey run from the front door all the way to him. She’s now wearing a long, knitted dress in white. Her hair in one perfect bun and a small set of make-up across her face. She looks like herself again, which makes him happy. 

She hurries herself to Ben, wrapping her white coat around her body in cold as her breath lets out cloudy exhales. 

“D-did everything go alright?”, Rey asks worried once she reached Ben. Her eyes are wide, eyebrows raised and her cheeks wear the most delicious red tint he’s ever seen. “Did my dad say anything wrong?”

“No- no Rey.”, Ben lies, shaking his head. “He just… He just wanted to make sure who I am and such. Nothing wrong with that.” 

Rey analyzes him. Her eyebrows furrowed in criticism as she searches for any sign of lies. But after a few cheeks, she closes her eyes and lets out a breath. 

“Okay. Okay Good. I was worried he’d say something wrong…”

He did. He did several times and it only makes Ben's chest hurt seeing this 16-year old innocent girl being played at by her father. What if it wasn’t Ben who was her soulmate? What if it was some kind of douche who would’ve taken the money without a second thought?

Ben looks at Rey and realizes that her life isn’t fair. He knows that they both have a similar childhood, but hers doesn’t even begin to compare to his. Rey is suffering more than Ben ever did. It’s not fair. 

Without thinking, Ben takes two arms around her body and hugs her. His eyes stinging when she hugs him back eagerly, pressing her face into his chest and taking a big inhale of his scent. Thankfully, they’re hiding behind Ben’s car, so he rests his head against her own before pressing a small kiss on her forehead. He feels Rey shiver in his arms. 

Then Ben let’s go of her and jumps into his car without looking at her because he can’t handle another person lying to her one more time. 

“Hello, this is the Soulmate Connection Call Service talking, how may I help you?”

Ben’s breath hitch, shocked by the sudden voice talking on the phone. He had been waiting for a few seconds, not expecting such a fast answer. He had hoped that the service would be closed a Monday afternoon, not wanting to go through this. But he had questions, and maybe those questions would ease him a bit. 

“Ah, yes, hello.”, Ben stuttered, sitting down on his couch in pure panic. Feeling ridiculous. “I have a question…”

“Yes, go ahead Sir!” Ben swallowed. 

“I- I found my soulmate. About a month ago or so. She’s 16 years old. I’m 33.” It becomes quiet on the phone and Ben can’t help but cringe, feeling his whole face turning red. Damn, it sounds so wrong. “I was wondering if....”

Ben doesn’t know how to continue the question because he himself has no idea what he wants. He has told Rey several times that he didn’t want a relationship. Yet, he had done inappropriate things with her and blamed the Connection. And it  _ is _ the Connections fault! But it doesn’t mean that Ben doesn’t feel extremely guilty afterward. In the end, Ben’s opinion still stands. He simply can’t have a relationship with this girl. 

Maybe this call would put him at ease. The answers may make him feel less guilty, kissing her and  _ humping _ each other, knowing that at least what they’re doing is legal. 

Ben doesn’t have to finish the question, the man on the phone seems to know what he’s implying. 

“Yes, sir let me just look that up real quick.” Ben waits a few silent minutes before the man is back. “Yes, here I found it! So, naturally, the age of consent is 18. Sexual intercourse between a 16-year old and a 33-year old is illegal. You could get prosecuted for rape against a minor.” Ben's hearts start to beat faster. 

“Yes?”

“But laws are different when it comes to Soulmates. The age of consent is 15 years old instead. It means that having sexual intercourse between you and your soulmate is allowed. But since she’s still underage, if it would be that she reports you for having intercourse without her consent, not only would you get prosecuted for rape, but also rape against a minor. That way, the law does support the Connection, but also has the minors back when it comes to different circumstances with the Connection.”

Ben becomes quiet, thinking about the man’s words before slowly shaking his head. 

“Thank you.”, Ben says, before hanging up. Sighing loudly as he throws himself into the pillows. 

So it’s legal, as long as Rey approves. But if he does something against her will, which will  _ never  _ happen, Rey can charge him for rape. 

It sounds more than fair that minors have that possibility, yet it’s fucked up how the Government doesn’t bother to illegalize what is actually illegal in a normal relationship. They want nothing else but to pair up soulmates, they want the perfect offspring. The best citizens. How morally fucked it even is. 

Ben sighs and runs his palm across his face. Thinking about Rey's head thrown back, grinding in his lap with just her bathrobe on. Moaning his name.

_ What has he got himself into...? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About Ben's call to the Soulmate Connection Call service: 
> 
> I know someone in the comments will be like 'ThAt'S nOt ThE lAw!' like I KNOW!!! loool the laws are different in my own little world, don't look so deep into it!!
> 
> Love you all my babies!! 
> 
> ~Lenkia


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guy's, I'm so sorry for the late chapter! School is not nice to me, let's just say that :)

“Holy shit, you met her dad!?” Ben cringe, looking over his shoulder at his phone resting on his kitchen table. As if Hux sat there when it was only him on speaker. 

“Yes, because y’know... my luck is just the  _ greatest.”,  _ Ben sigh, turning his head back at the vegetables he’s frying as Hux continues to laugh and scream in shock. 

Of course, Ben didn’t tell him about the part where they  _ humped _ each other like rabbits. If he’d say that, Hux would probably faint right there and now. That would  _ never _ be spoken about, for Ben only hope it makes it less real. And that itself would make him feel less guilty. 

“Holy shit, I bet he fried you alive, just like what you fry now. What are you frying?” 

“Pepper. Of course, he fried me, but in his own… way.” 

“Oh, you mean the  _ rich  _ way?” Hux laughs sarcastically. “Did he throw money at you and told you to change name, identity, move to a small village in Brazil and become a local farmer?”

Ben becomes quiet. Hux becomes quiet. 

“Holy shit.” Ben cringe once again. “He did?!” 

“N-Not the whole identity and Brazil stuff though!”, Ben stutters, trying to calm Hux screaming over the phone. “But he offered me money, told me to leave the city. As if he tried to save  _ me _ and not his daughter….” Hux is once again quiet over the phone and Ben can’t help but swallow nervously. 

“Shit.”, Hux finally whispers. “I’m not a father yet, but I know that’s  _ not  _ how you do it.”

“Tell me about it…”, Ben mutters, taking the pan off the stove. “But I told him no and left. Before... anything happened.” 

“Not good beating up your soulmates dad.” 

“I know…” 

As Hux kept talking about the first time he met Bazine’s father (making Ben sigh annoyed as Hux told him how they fucked in her old childhood room with the parents right under them), Ben suddenly freezes when he feels his heart starts to tug. The string slightly snapping and before Ben raises his head, someone knocks on the door. 

Ben continues to stare at the front door, not listening to Hux as he tries to figure out what the hell Rey is doing here. Did something happen to her?

“Hux, I have to go.” Before his friend could answer, he hung up the phone and hurried himself to the door. Wiping his hands on the towel resting on his shoulder before gripping the handle. 

The tugging stops when Ben meets Rey's eyes. She standing with both her hands holding a small white bag, wearing a pink dress and hair fixed in two ponytails. She blushes, clearly embarrassed that she came uninvited and even a bit shocked that Ben is at home, even if he knows she can feel him with the Connection as much as he can. 

“Rey?” Ben says surprised. “What are you doing here?” 

The question seems to embarrass the girl even more as she cringes, placing her palm across her cheek and she turns into a slight shade of pink. 

“I-I’m so sorry that I came without saying anything, you’re probably busy…”, she whispers, shaking her head. 

“No, no, it’s alright. Come in!”, Ben assures, opening the door wider for her and hesitatingly, she takes a few steps forward for Ben to close the door behind her. 

“I just wanted to ask you-”, Rey starts, before stopping. Tilting her head a bit to look behind him. “Are you cooking?” 

Ben freeze, completely forgetting his food on the stove and within two seconds, he runs to the kitchen to save his lunch. 

“ _ Shit shit shit!” _ , he whispers, taking the pan off the stove in hurry. Ben sighs in relief when he sees the peppers not black and burned, and Rey soon joins behind him with raised eyebrows. Ben sigh and looks down at his soulmate who soon looks up at him. “You want some?” 

They sit on the couch, as far away from each other as possible. The TV is on, making the sound of their eating unhearable over the voices, filling the void of silence. They both have a plate on their lap, eating carefully as Ben pretends to watch some kind of drama when his attention is really on her. Rey admires her surroundings, looking around the apartment with wide eyes as she chews her food.

“I just love this place.”, Rey suddenly says amazed, nodding towards the walls. “It’s so… small!” 

“Thanks?”, Ben asks confused, making his soulmate chuckle. 

Rey puts down her plate on the table in front of them, thanking him for the food before swallowing. Her hands suddenly picking on each other and face furrowed in concern and yes, this is what Ben waited for. Why else would she be here, clearly embarrassed for coming without warning, if it wasn’t anything important? 

So Ben puts down his plate too and embrace himself, taking a deep breath secretly to make sure that she doesn’t notice. Did her father say anything about their talk? Or did she hit her friend again? Is she alright?

“Ben, I…”, Rey starts, shaking her head before looking up at him. Her eyes wide in sadness, like a puppy filled with frustration and desperation. “Are you sure my father didn’t say anything… weird? I mean, you haven’t contacted me since-” She interrupts herself, face turning completely red and suddenly Ben can’t breathe, starting to cough loudly as his dirty mind paints him the pictures of a week ago. He can almost feel her nipple in his palm and  _ fuck no not now! _

“Rey, I’m sorry. It’s just….”, Ben finally says after his attack, avoiding eye contact as he scratches his neck embarrassed. 

God, why did he keep putting himself in these situations? At the moment, it feels so right and he just wants more. But, of course, it’s just the Connection lying to him. The Connection makes him blind and lies to him that this is the way it's supposed to be. Then it leads to kissing and humping and just finishes off with guilt, shame, and regret. Ben is the adult one in this situation, yet he stops to act one the second Rey gets involved. This soulmate thing is scary.

“I understand. It was a mistake…”, Rey says and Ben ignores the undertone of sadness in her voice, a sadness that can only be linked to Ben’s constant denial in this relationship and he has to, once again, avoid eye contact. This time it isn’t in embarrassment, but guilt. “I just… got worried, I guess. My father can be so compelling _ . _ ..” 

“No, Rey.”, Ben lies, once again. Shaking his head, staring at his hands lamely. “No, nothing wrong…” 

“Okay… okay.” Rey nods, having no other option than to trust him and  _ God the guilt is getting worse... _ “He left this morning, so I could visit you without him questioning.” 

Ben’s head snaps right up, his eyes wide in shock. Rey looks at him confused. 

“Your father is already leaving?”

“Yeah… he doesn’t stay long.” Rey gives him a half-hearted smile, yet he sees the pain. The frustration and the lie of being alright. It stings in Ben’s heart. “I don’t think he likes to be at home…” 

Ben truly has no words. Mr. Niima had been gone for four years and has barely been with his daughter for a week before leaving again.

And Rey has fought with her friends. She can’t be with them either. 

That leaves out almost everyone. Rey has no one right now and Ben had avoided her. He tried to take a step back and just  _ process _ what had happened between them. About the fact that he's a pervert and that this young, 16-year old girl squirmed in his lap and that he had _liked _it. He hadn't been disgusted, hadn't done anything to prevent it. What if her father never interrupted? How far would the Connection take them until Ben's sanity came back again? 

Probably the whole way...

The realization had made him feel ill. Made his breath turn heavier and he just needed space. After _that_, after what had happened with her father. 

But in the meanwhile he selfishly tried to soothe down, Rey had suffered. Couldn’t distract herself with friends, waiting for Ben to contact her, worried that her father had done something. 

Ben sighs.  _ Fuck. Fuck why can't nothing just be alright? _

“I’m sorry Rey, I should’ve contacted you…”

“No, it’s alright. I understand. Life’s busy. I was just worried that my father did something.”, Rey whispers, before becoming quiet. Staring at him for a few seconds and it makes Ben uneasy. Sometimes, he can’t read her. And she’s always an open book, but she has those moments where she’s a plank page. There’s only tear-filled eyes looking back at him, nothing else. It's not enough. “Where is your father?” 

The question shocks Ben. His eyes widen and he drops his jaw. Feeling completely dumbfounded that a question can make him so weak, so fragile. 

He doesn’t know why she asks, but he told her once that he was in the same situation as she was. Maybe she wants something from him too. Maybe she wants someone to relate with, instead of his constant ‘I understand, I’ve been there too’ as an answer. 

“He’s…”, Ben whispers, not knowing what to say. “I don’t know… at home, maybe?”

Rey continues to stare and _why is Ben starting to shake?_

“Your mother?” 

“With him, I guess…”, Ben swallows, shaking his head. “I don’t- I don’t know.”

“I’m so… sick of parents.  _ Our  _ parents.” Rey’s powerful, tear-filled voice turns Ben frozen. It makes him completely quiet by the sight of his soulmate. Trembling in his couch, both her hands tight in a fist and eyes shiny. Yet, her head is held high. The sight makes Ben shiver. “They are the parent, yet they act like the child!” 

It’s clear that Rey hasn’t come to terms with the situation. It isn’t shocking really. In his age, he hadn’t either. He had rebelled against his parents in such a violent way, Ben is surprised he isn’t in prison. But after turning 18 years old, after the car crash, that’s when he realized that his parents wouldn't change. That they’ll always be like that. When coming to terms with those facts, that’s when he could move on with life. That’s when he could break free. 

Rey hasn’t realized that yet. Ben could sit here and talk to her about it, but he knew that one day in her life, there would be a turning point when she would realize it herself. 

It hurts, it  _ fucking  _ hurts, but it’s worth it. 

“If my mother was still present in my life, I would’ ve-”, Rey stops, because she doesn’t know what to say. But in pure frustration, she sobs and spits through clenched teeth angrily. “I would’ve asked why she had me if she would leave anyways! I just want an answer to that question!” 

“Rey, sometimes we are only left with questions with answers we’ll never know.”, Ben whisper, quoting his therapist. Rey wipes her tears angrily and looks at him with small eyes. 

“I’m not satisfied with that.”, Rey states loudly, sobbing through her words. Like the rich child she is, no doesn't exist in her world. “I’m not!” 

“I understand what you’re saying, I do,” Ben scops forward, sitting on the edge of the couch to lean forward as he puts his hands together in seriousness. “But Rey, I accepted that fact a long time ago. When I did, when you do, I  _ promise _ it will feel so good and then you continue to live happily. You continue living with me!” 

Rey snatches her head towards him, with small, wet eyes and Ben swallows nervously. He didn’t mean it like  _ that _ but he’s not going to change his word now. 

“Ben…” Her voice is shaky, filled with nothing but sadness. Eyes half-opened in exhaustion and Ben can see through her mascara and concealer how tired she is. How exhausted the question makes her feel and she looks too miserable for a 16-year old girl. “Why have you accepted it…?” 

Ben freeze. Eyes wide once again because she keeps asking him stuff that continues to shock him. Rey takes a shaky breath, shaking her head frustrated. 

“Is it- is it because it’s easier that way? Why are you satisfied with no answer when you could ask. If I knew where my mother was, I would’ve asked!” 

Ben can’t answer. He simply stares at his frustrated soulmate cry in rage as the question still stands. 

_ Why doesn’t he just ask? _

They meet at the diner on Friday. It’s awkward between them. Rey has dark circles under her eyes and can’t seem to look him in the eyes. Ben doesn’t know if it’s because she’s ashamed of her outburst, or if she’s ashamed for finally opening up about her feelings. 

But Ben doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind at all. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said…”, Ben says once they both got their burgers in front of them. Rey looks up at her soulmate with wide eyes for the first time, surprised that Ben wasn’t angry at her. That he was talking with her. After all this time, she still looks at him like he’s some kind of God. 

Ben swallows, feeling his eyes tear up a bit. In either shame or nervousness, he doesn’t know. 

“I’m going to ask.” 

Rey’s breath hitch, her eyes become wider and he sees her lips slowly turn into a smile. Then she laughs, she laughs in shock and she whispers his name over and over again, and once again Ben is shaking because he is so nervous. Rey starts to cry in happiness. 

Before he knows it, she’s hugging him hard as she cries into his shoulder. Wetting his shirt. 

He doesn’t mind. 

People are staring at the 16-year old girl hug the 33-year old man with confusion, but at that moment they were nothing but friends. Nothing but soulmates. 

“I’m so proud of you!”, she whispers into his shoulder. “I’m so proud of you Ben!”

He can feel her smile into his skin as she sobs and Ben digs his nose in her hair, trying to hide the lonely tear running down his cheek. He hugs her back with shaking arms.

Ben always thought that Rey needed Ben. That it was she who needed his support. 

But he thinks he needs her too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will Ben's meeting with his parents go? 
> 
> Let me just say this, it's about to go down....... 
> 
> Are y'all ready for the next upcoming chapters?? ;)))
> 
> ~Lenkia


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late chapter!! 
> 
> It's extra-long just for y'all! Enjoy ;*

It has been 15 years since he last saw them. 

15 years ago he crashed that ugly car into a tree and 15 years ago they parted without saying goodbye. During those 15 years, Ben had finished his education as a bartender, befriended Armitage Hux, searched for an apartment, found an apartment, worked, worked, worked, went to Hux’s wedding, had a few pointless relationships, worked some more and here he was. 

Life had gone by just like that. 15 years. 

Ben tries to breathe. He’s resting his forehead against the wheel, his knuckles white caused by the cold and his tight grip. With closed eyes, he tries to figure out how he’s supposed to do this. 

Because he is parked right outside the mansion his parents live in. His childhood house. 

They live about 3 hours away from Ben’s apartment. So far, yet so fucking close. Not once has he seen them, but lord how many times hasn’t he thought about doing this. To come and visit the people who had created him. How many nights hasn’t he dreamt about this moment, not knowing if he should attack them or hug them? Not knowing if he should scream or cry.

Fighting and arguing with himself by the choices, it had simply been best to just ignore it altogether. To lock those feeling away, deep in his mind.

Then Rey came and she had the key. She opened up those feelings again. 

He doesn’t blame her. She was angry, frustrated. Just like himself as a child. She wanted answers she couldn’t have, but Ben could. It was only 3 hours away from him.

Rey probably thought that his parent's answers would be the same as her parents. And it was most likely that. They had the same childhood. The same feeling of being unwanted. So strong that the Connection put them together. 

Ben didn’t want to do this. He had come to peace with the fact that he was unwanted by his parents. But he’s doing this for Rey. He’s going to ask for Rey. 

She had texted him just before he got here. She wished him luck, and that she would wait on him. Wait on the answer. 

Ben swallows the dry air in his mouth, taking a deep, uneven breath before opening the car door. 

He looks at the house, but he mostly as the garden. When Ben had been very young, he had played in the garden a lot. Not with his parents, of course, but with Chewie. 

Chewie was what Kaydel is to Rey. A nanny. A butler. His name wasn’t Chewie of course, but Ben had called him that since he couldn’t pronounce his real name. Ben can’t even remember what it was. 

Chewie had been the father and mother Ben never was. He had been there for Ben his first day at kindergarten, his first day at school. Complimented every painting Ben colored and hugged Ben when he cried. He had always been there for him.

Until he wasn’t. 

When Ben turned 13, Chewie wasn’t in his life anymore. They had fired him, Leia had said, sipping her glass of wine as Ben had stared at her with wide eyes. He didn’t need a nanny anymore, he was old enough. 

But Chewie wasn’t just a nanny. He had been his everything. He was his parent. His only person to fill out his loneliness.

And once again, just as Rey’s father had tried to tip Ben, tried to make Rey feel lonely and miserable, his parents had done just that. 

It was that moment and forward that Ben realized that his parents hated him. And that he hated them. 

Ben takes shaky steps towards the front door, his palms sweating even if it’s ice-cold outside. He tries to stay calm, to ignore the awful feeling of loneliness the house reminds him of. But it’s almost as it sends out radioactive waves and hits Ben right in the heart. 

He stops right outside the door. Just stands there for at least 3 minutes before knocking on the door. The arm he knocks with is shaking.

It takes a few seconds before the door opens and Ben feels his heartbeat stop when a wave of warmth hits him, warmth with a mix of his childhood smell. It’s supposed to be a smell bringing you back cozy memories and feelings of missings. But the smell only makes him nauseous and reminds him of screaming and crying. 

An elderly woman with grey hair in a bun, someone Ben doesn’t recognize, opens. She must be a maid. She stares at him with raised eyebrows, door half-closed as he was wearing black clothes head to toe and a gun in his hand. 

“Can I help you?”, she asks with venom in her voice. Ben swallows, feeling his throat tighten. 

“I’m… I’m Ben Solo.” The name makes the maid's eyes widen and her lips part in shock. The reaction makes Ben feel more uncomfortable than when she stared at him with hate. Drops of sweat run down his neck and Ben scratch it away awkwardly. “I want to meet my parents.” 

“Y-yes of course!”, she stutters, opening the door wide for him to come in and Ben nods thanks. “Let me just tell your mother that you’re here. Y-you can wait in the living room, it’s right by the-”

“I know.” They stare at each other quietly. The old woman turns red in embarrassment, recognizing her mistake before running away. 

With shaky steps, Ben goes to the living room and sees that every furniture that he once remembered, is no longer there. It’s replaced with the modern, white stuff that doesn’t match a single memory in Ben’s head. Everything has changed. 

He tries not to vomit. His stomach is screaming in protest, his brain wants him to run to the car and his heart wants to stop beating. His whole body is a mess, yet all he can do is stand there and hope to goodness that he doesn’t shit himself when he sees-

“Oh, Ben.” 

The voice makes Ben’s overworked body stop functioning, turning completely silence. He doesn’t recognize it, the voice has aged poorly yet he knows it’s her. So he takes a slow turn to face her mother, and there she stands. 

She has aged. A lot. Her hair still stands in beautiful braids, and she still wears the most beautiful dresses. The ones all the other mothers complimented her for in the neighborhoods. Ben still remembers how Leia would laugh when her friends' husbands would compliment her with wide, amazed eyes. His mother had a lot of jealous friends... But there are wrinkles under her eyes and a bit of skin hanging on her face, and Ben knows if he mentions it, she’s going to blame him. That all the worry he put her through made her age faster. It’s probably true. But mostly, Ben can’t remember that she was so short, so petite. Has he grown so much taller since he left 15 years ago? 

The exhale Ben release tells him how long he held his breath, and it’s long. It almost makes him dizzy when she gives him a small smile. The whole thing makes Ben feel a bit ridiculous. Sure, it is his mother standing in front of him, but it’s also just a human being. A person. How can such a small, old woman have such an effect on him? 

“Hey, mom.”, Ben finally manage to say. His vocal cord suddenly not wanting to work. Leia continues to stare at him before turning towards the couch. 

“Long time, no see.”, she sighs, letting her sight land on an unfortunate server. “Can you please get me a glass of wine, dear?” The servant nods and hurries away. His mother turns to him. “Want anything?” 

“N-no, I’m good.”, he says lamely. Leia nods before sitting down on the couch, letting out a big exhale. Like the visit is from a complaining neighbor rather than her son she hasn’t seen in 15 years. 

“Why are you here, son?” The anxiety and nervousness are quickly replaced with irritation and sadness. Ben clench his fist annoyed, furrowing his eyebrows. He was ready for this, he was ready to be hit by his mother's cold-hearted words. Yet he is hurt. The words are like a knife and it sinks right through his heart. 

“It is that odd to wanting to meet your mother?” Leia chuckles, looking happy for the first time since Ben saw him when the wine arrives and she takes long, heavy sips from the glass. Not even enjoying the taste anymore, like she used to. Now it’s just the alcohol she craves.

“You haven’t visited the past ten years, why visit now?”, she gives him a smug smile. The smile he’s seen on her when she knows she’s won. “You want something. Money?” 

“ _ Money _ ?!”, Ben suddenly spits, anger spreading in him like fire and now he remembers why he used to hate these people. Why he never wanted to visit them and if he would, he would attack before they could attack him. Now he remembers everything. “I have  _ never _ asked for money, even when I was eating noodles every day a month! Why would I ask for it now?”

“Then what is it, Ben? Why are you here?” It turns quiet, a game of staring being played between the two. If looks could kill, they both would’ve dropped dead right there and Ben could never imagine that it’s happening between a mother and a son. How fucked up is that, really? That you hate your own son so much? 

Ben knows that the moment he leaves, he’s going to cry. He going to cry like a fucking bitch, and it’s going to remind him that he’s nothing like his parents. Cold-hearted people who never care and will care about anything but their money, business, and alcohol. But now, now he’s staying strong. He’s going to show them that he’s better than them, that the child is more mature than the parent. 

It only leaves him with one question. The only reason he came today. 

“I have a question.”, Ben spits through clenched teeth. “After you and father have answered it, I’m leaving.” 

“What question?” They born to turn to the sound of Han Solo, standing in the doorway with his nose up in the air. Like Leia, he has aged badly too, but he still holds his old features. His stomach hasn’t grown bigger, which is surprising since he drinks like a fucking drunk.

If there is someone Ben hates more than his mother, it’s his father. Because when Ben got into fights at school or attacked the P.E teacher that one time, at least his mother pretended she cared in front of the principal. Han simply told everyone that he hated his son with no care in the world. “Hello, son. Asking for money?” 

Ben almost explodes, but he reminds himself that the only thing his father is good at is provoking people. That’s why he always got into so many damn fights when he was younger. And they asked themselves why Ben was such a fighter.  _ Wonder _ where he got it from….

Sadly, that’s not the only thing he got from Han. Ben was basically a copy of his father and he hated it. He  _ hated it! _

“I’m not asking for  _ fucking  _ money and I never have!” 

“Then why are you here? ” Leia laughs at her husband and takes a big sip of her wine. 

“Such a clown, as always.”, she mocks and Ben feels his eyes start to sting when Han chuckled without humor. He always does that before he says something rude. Then the fighting starts. 

“Isn’t that your fifth glass of wine today, dear?” 

“I can only stand so much of you before my head hurts. Might as well be a hangover.”

Ben doesn’t want to be here. He wants to go home. 

“Han, Leia.”, Ben starts, causing his parents to turn to him. Completely forgetting that he’s there. “I have a question… the answer is the only thing I want. Then I’ll leave.” 

“Pfft.”, Leia laughs mockingly. She’s maybe already drunk. “Imagine your son leaving and coming back 15 years later for a question, only to leave again. Ridiculous.” 

That hurt as hell and Ben curse himself for not being prepared for it. He always puts down his shield when it’s too late. 

“I think it was for the best that I left.” Ben glares at his father with deadly eyes, yet they shine with unshed tears. “For  _ all _ of us.” 

“Indeed.”, Han spits with venom. 

Such venom that Ben actually freezes in shock and fuck  _ fuck  _ Ben thought that he could handle all the punches coming his way, but he can’t. He fucking can’t. He's still fighting the urge not to vomit, his brain is still screaming for him to run. Sensing a threatening situation when it’s his parents, his damn parents. It’s so sick that his body wants to flee from supposedly the people who are meant to be a safety point. Instead, he came prepared for a fight he’s losing on purpose because maybe,  _ just maybe, _ he thought that something would’ve changed. Forgiveness, understanding. Anything. 

No. Nothing. Nothing has changed. 

“You motherfucker…”, Ben whispers between clenched teeth, feeling a tear run down his cheek. Han doesn’t even flinch from the words and Leia continues to sip her wine unbothered. “You loved that piece of shit more than you loved me….” 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Ben-” 

“That fucking car! That old, fucking trash of a car I crashed into the tree.”, Ben screams, throwing his finger towards the road in a rage. Ben can’t remember the last time he screamed like this. Maybe it was when he was 18, fighting with his parents as he usually did. This house, these people, only take out the worst in him. 15 years of a sense of calm immediately crumbled down five minutes into meeting his parents again. It’s fucked up. “Did you even fucking care if I was alive? Did you even  _ think _ of visiting me in the hospital before sending me to therapy?”

“Oh please, it was just a scratch.”, Leia huffs, waving her hand dismissively. “Are you  _ still _ angry about that Ben? Don’t be ridiculous.” 

Han says something too, but Ben can’t hear him. His breath turns heavier, he’s crying freely now. Sobbing as his father probably says something offensive, but Ben is blind, deaf. Drowning in despair at the fact that he has felt so mentally ill about a thing his parents don’t even care about. Hasn’t even given it a second thought. 

His whole body is shaking, he's wiping his face like a baby as Leia tells Ben from the couch to behave, just as she did when he cried when he was a boy. She sighs loudly before turning her attention on her husband. 

“I told you, Han! We should’ve put him in therapy at least for one month, but your cheap ass only paid for a week.”

“It was fucking  _ expensive _ , Leia. If you maybe  _ worked _ a bit, we could’ve afforded it!”

“Oh, please-”

“Why did you have me!?” The whole house turns silent. Both Han and Leia looks at their son with wide eyes and dropped jaws, shocked at Ben’s sudden outburst. Ben cries, sobbing as he stares at his parents with desperation. Despair. “Why did you have me if you couldn’t love me?!” 

Han swallows uncomfortably before looking away, and so does his wife. She finishes the whole glass of wine before staring out the window, and Ben wait while sobbing. 

He needs an answer. He thought he wanted it for Rey, but he needs it too. He’ll be satisfied with anything. Broken condom, failed marriage, unable to abort. 

He just needs an answer, he just needs anything because he wants to know if he really is unwanted. If he really is-

“I don’t know…”, Leia finally whispers, eyes stuck on the window. Ben’s eyes widen, and he feels his world crumble down. Feel his sanity fall and smash like the car he crashed as Leia stands up to leave, completely ignoring Ben as if he wasn’t there. Like she always has done. 

“I don’t know.” 

Ben drives the car towards home, staring at the road while the radio is on. He doesn’t listen to it though, his mind is blank and his eyes are filled with nothing but a lifeless soul. 

Two hours into the drive, he slows down. Stops on the side of the highway as cars drive by him at a dangerous speed. It’s dark outside and it smells like gas and snow when Ben steps out. He’s surrounded by nothing but forest, so he walks a bit further into the woods. 

Then he stops. 

And he screams. 

* * *

Rey sits on the floor, right outside his apartment door like a sulking dog waiting on its master. It’s ridiculous, she’s been waiting 3 hours for Ben and her legs started to ache. She’s wearing her white dress but she doesn’t care if it becomes dirty. Ben told her that he would be home around 6 PM, but now it’s 9. He doesn’t answer his phone either. 

Rey sighs, resting her head against her knees as she closes her eyes. 

She should go home, but there is nothing at home. Kaydel isn’t there and the servants have gone to bed by now. It’s completely empty and she saw on social media her friends' party at some club. She should feel sad that she isn’t invited, that they don’t talk to her anymore. But she isn’t. 

The only thing she misses is their presence. The feeling of not being alone. 

If Kaydel saw her sitting in a disgusting, worn-out corridor, waiting for hours in the cold for her soulmate, she would’ve screamed at Rey to get home immediately. 

Rey's eyes sting. She misses Ben, but she also wants answers. What did his parents say? Were they really unwanted? Or did they want them? 

Rey doesn’t have to wait much longer. She feels her heart start to tug before the door to the apartments open and closes, echoing through the corridors. 

Her breath hitches in surprise and she immediately stands up when she sees Ben stumble his way up the stairs. Her whole body is bubbling in excitement, of finally knowing the truth. But when she sees his half-closed eyes and body trying to maintain its balance, she notices that something is wrong. The bottle of vodka in his hands spoils it right away. 

“Ben?”, Rey asks worried, hurrying her way to him when she sees him almost fall down the stairs. She takes a hard grip of his arm and he immediately leans on her for support, groaning loudly. Like a wobbly tree, Rey almost falls by the sudden weight before standing steady, breathing heavily in relief. The string is pulling like crazy.

Ben looks down at her slowly for the first time, lips parted and eyes half-opened. He reeks of booze and Rey blinks when the string in her heart stops to tug. 

“R-Rey is that you?” 

“Ben, have you been drinking?” The question is unnecessary but she needs to know if he’s still contactable. 

“Yeah, but I regret it now. I regret it so much…”, he almost cries and Rey has a feeling that it isn’t the drinking he talks about. 

Her stomach turns into a tight knot and she tries not to think about it. That the drinking might be connected with his parents. That it was she who pushed him into talking to them, and maybe now he’s like this because of her. 

She tries not to think about it. 

“Come on Ben.”, Rey whispers. “Let’s get you inside-”

“Rey...” 

The sound of her name, the way he said it with such sadness, makes her freeze, turning her head towards her soulmate guilty. He’s staring at her, eyes blank with unshed tears and Rey suddenly knows. She knows what the answer was. What he received and it feels like a slap across the face. Tears are already creating in her eyes and her throat stings like something is choking her. The knot in her stomach tightens and it’s suddenly hard to breathe. Suddenly hard to think and an uncontrollable sob escapes her lips. 

_ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!  _

“I-It’s okay…”, Rey lies with a whisper, caressing his face with her palm. Tears running down her cheeks. “It’s okay. We have each other, right? Right?” 

Ben stares at her with unfocused eyes, a lonely tear running down his cheek and he nods.

“I only have you.” 

Then he presses his lips against hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OhhOOHhhhhhOOOOOOOOO yes, the moment you've been waiting for
> 
> The explicit part in the next chapter guys!!
> 
> but it's gonna be an angsty ride..... be ready


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote a chapter and felt so proud of myself that I would update in time.   
Then I paused.   
And I deleted fucking everything because it didn't feel right. It didn't feel true to my characters. 
> 
> But now, I present to you the "feel-right", late chapter (I'm sorry guys!) that you have all been waiting for. 
> 
> Remember the TAGS because here it comes!

H is lips are so soft. Oh so soft, Rey realizes when his touch hers. It shouldn't shock her, she has kissed those lips before and she constantly glances at them when Ben would occasionally wet them with his tongue. Yet is shocks her. How good it feels. How amazing it is. How her whole body tingles in excitement and how the Connection just makes the feeling even better. 

But Rey needs to understand that he’s drunk. That he doesn’t want this (he doesn’t want her) and that he’s, most importantly, hurt. He’s sad. Sad that he’s unwanted, just like Rey. 

So how hard it even is, how heartbroken that makes her feel, Rey, leans out from the kiss. It was a small, long kiss. Yet it felt good. 

Ben opened his eyes, their forehead resting against each other as they stare into each other eyes. Rey licks her lips, tasting him and vodka. 

It’s a beautiful moment until Ben almost loses balance and Rey has to clutch him hard before he falls. 

“Shit!”, he curses in a whisper, totally leaning on Rey’s side. Huffing and puffing violently, Rey tries to lead him to his door and manages. He’s enormous and heavy, she feels sweat run down her back.

“Where are your keys?”, Rey asks. Ben doesn’t answer, so she shakes him and repeats the question. 

“Ehm, in my pocket.” He’s slurs when he’s talking. He's really drunk. 

Rey fish out the keys with her left hand the best she can and they finally get inside. Rey tries to locate his bedroom, which isn’t hard. Ben’s apartment is small, so she tense every muscle in her body and drags him to his bed where she throws him on it with a loud exhale, almost losing her balance while doing so. Ben grunts loudly and immediately collapses on the bed. 

Rey’s legs are shaking in exhaustion and she breathes heavy. Leaning against the wall for support as she tries to think. Too much is happening.

“I’m sorry…”, Ben’s muffled voice says. Rey glance at him, watching him try to sit up and failing a few times before he manages. Both his legs resting from the edge of the bed, eyes unfocused and head swirling around. “I’m sorry…”

Rey swallows.

“Why are you sorry?”, she asks, still leaning against the wall exhausted. 

“For being a bother… I’m a bother to everyone…” Rey thinks of Ben’s face out in the corridor. When she had tried to help him inside and how he had said her name. How he gave her that look that told her everything she needed to know. 

The question had been asked. That look was the answer. 

Rey feels the same old tears create in her eyes and she’s tired of crying for the same reason. Her parents. Her loneliness. Her desperation for the answer. 

She got the answer now, and she’s still crying. She’s still…. 

“No...”, Rey whispers pathetically, shaking her head. 

Ben visited his parents, and she knows they're toxic, just like her own. It’s shouldn’t shock Rey that he’s drunk. He hasn’t faced them in many years and the sudden visit must have felt like a slap across the face. All the old memories and bad feelings must have returned like a virus and now he says stuff that he must’ve felt a long time ago. When he was in the same position as Rey is now. It makes her angry, she shouldn’t have pushed him to go but she wanted answers. Needed them. She was selfish and desperate. 

Rey bites her lips, tries not to cry. “Don’t say that Ben. Don’t say that...” 

“My parents think I am…”, he whispers and she sees his eyes becoming blank. “They don’t want us, Rey. We are just mistakes…” 

Rey’s breath hitch by those words, and it feels like someone punched her right in the gut. It’s stupid, but she starts to sob. Her legs shake under her and she would’ve fallen if it wasn’t for the support she has leaning on the wall. She close her eyes and clench her jaw, Ben’s word repeating in her head and she feels so stupid. 

It shouldn’t matter because she already knows this. She knows that they’re mistakes and what the answer already was, but hearing it feels real. It’s the confirmation she never had. 

“I-I know…”, Rey cries in a whisper, wiping her tears with a trembling hand while staring out the window across the room. It’s jet black outside and it’s raining. The world is grieving with them. 

Ben is still quiet, eyes glazed with unshed tears. 

“I don’t need them, Rey. I have you.”

Something inside of Rey awakeness and she snatch her head towards Ben who’s still staring into nothingness. She doesn’t know if it’s the heavy amount of sadness in her body transforming into anger, or if she’s acting like the teenager she is, but rage fills her mind like overflowing water pouring out of a glass.

“You’re lying.”, Rey states loudly, her eyes becoming small when Ben looks at her surprised. Blinking a few times with wide eyes, supporting his unsteady body by clenching the edge of the bed under his palms. 

“What-”, Ben mumbles lamely but Rey interrupts him. 

“You’re a fucking liar, Ben!”, Rey spits through clenched teeth, feeling tears run down her cheeks and she takes a step towards him in pure frustration while he stares at her completely confused. “You don’t have me! You don’t  _ want _ me!” 

“Rey-” 

“No!” She refuses to listen, so she sobs and shakes her head furiously as she repeats her words over and over again, and she's a complete mess but so is Ben. She is close enough for him to grip her wrist so he snatches her towards him while she fights for release. 

“Rey, listen to me-”, Ben slurs with force in his voice but Rey continues to fight, continues to cry while shaking her head, tears flying all across the room. 

“Don’t lie to me! Stop lying to me! Nobody wants me, Ben nobody  _ fucking wants me _ -” It all she says before he suddenly grabs her by the arms and shakes her hard.

“I said  _ listen to me! _ ” Ben screams, making Rey’s breath hitch. Eyes widening. He’s completely drunk, yet his grip around her is strong. But that’s not the thing that makes her freeze. 

He’s crying. 

Real, wet, tears running down his cheeks. She notices his arms trembling, small sobs escaping as he stares deep into her eyes. She has never seen her soulmate cry before and there is something with seeing him release his inner feelings that feels so deeply awful. So raw. He tried to hide them with alcohol, tried to ignore them for years. But now he’s completely bare in front of his soulmate and it causes Rey to halt because whatever hurt she felt before, is nothing compared to seeing the man she loves to cry. 

Rey crumbles down. She burst into tears.

Like a child crying in a candy store, Rey wails. Tears streaming down her face and her heart breaking when Ben drags her towards him and hugs her hard. She’s standing between his knees, her hands resting on his shoulder and gripping his shirt for dear life while hiding her face in his neck. Ben does the same, trembling in her grip. Even if he’s sitting, she still shorter by many inches and it comforts her in every way. Yet it doesn’t stop her to cry. 

“They don’t want us!”, she sobs into his shoulder, clenching her eyes hard as she hears Ben take a shaky inhale. “I already knew but it hurts, it hurts so much!” 

“S-stop it, Rey…”, Ben whispers but it’s barely hearable over Rey’s screams. She trembles violently as the realization sinks deeper into her mind.

“Nobody wants us, Ben. Nobody  _ fucking _ wants us...” 

Rey suddenly freezes when his hands that once were wrapped around her in a hug, lands on her waist. Her eyes widen when he slowly leans out, their foreheads suddenly resting against each other and there is something with seeing her soulmate with wet cheeks that completely vexes her.

The hands that rested on his shoulder slowly cup his face with her palms. She brushes away the tears on his cheeks with her thumbs, feeling the soft skin covered with small birthmarks. She completely ignores that it’s worn out, covered with small wrinkles that whispers of his age. He’s old, but for Rey, age is just a number. 17 years between them is nothing. 

“Rey…” His hoarse voice lifts Rey’s eyes to his and they are hazy. Shiny. A layer of fog in the form of alcohol separating Ben from connecting to the real world. He’s here, but with no control.

Rey should understand that when he slowly leans forward to kiss her. It should cause Rey to shake her head and deny his kiss. Knowing that he’s hurt, he’s heartbroken and he’s not in the right state of mind. 

But so is she. So is Rey. She’s completely shattered by the fact that no one wants them. Her. The universe put them on this overpopulated earth with no intention of giving them love, and there is not a single soul that wants them. Not even their damn parents. 

Ben’s hurt, he’s heartbroken and he’s not in the right state of mind.

Yet she doesn’t stop, because his lips are so soft. 

They are so so soft, so comforting. The way he kisses her lips tells Rey that he only has her, that it’s _them against the world_ and it causes Rey’s eyes to water. He drags them over hers in such a gentle way, it feels like feathers across her lips.

Faith saved them. It saved them by connecting them, saved them from this loneliness. If there is anything Rey is thankful for with this miserable life of hers, it’s her soulmate. The one who’s kissing her. The only one who feels the way she does and the only one who will ever understand. 

A tear runs down her cheek. 

Ben finally opens his mouth, causing Rey to do the same and the Connection sparkles between them like fireworks on the 4th of July. Rey is almost sure that some sort of energy surrounds them in a powerful grip nothing but the bond can effect.

Rey feels his tongue run across her lips and she moans. Letting her hands wander through his beautiful long hair and comb it through her fingers. 

“Ben…”, she whispers before he quiets her down with his lips. Rey follows and arches her neck for more, feeling his hands push her towards him for closeness.

Rey feels drunk. She feels dizzy. She doesn’t know if it’s the Connection or if it’s the adrenaline in her body flowing around. The only thing she knows is that she wants him, she only has him and all kind of logic has left her mind. 

She’s sure that it’s the Connection. Because it always, and will always, drag their bodies towards each other like magnets. They are meant to be. Now they are both weak and defenseless, so it’s only logical that the moment they are, the Connection controls them. Their inner biology taking over their bodies instead. Guiding them where faith wants them to be. With each other. 

But Rey doesn’t mind. She thinks she loves this. She thinks she loves this Ben who doesn’t reject her because of her age or morality. This is how it’s supposed to be. 

So she doesn’t even react when Ben suddenly lays down on the bed, taking Rey with him. She doesn’t think of anything but him, him,  _ the smell of him  _ when he turns them around and suddenly hovering over her. Both his elbows by her head, his knees between her thighs. She grips his hair tighter and presses his lips against hers in a loving kiss, completely overwhelmed by the pleasure of being close to her soulmate. The last time she felt this good,  _ so complete _ , was when she sat in his lap before her father interrupted. 

The Connection makes everything feel better, more loving, but Rey knows that it’s something else too. Her love for him. It feels like a drug. 

“I want you Rey…”, he suddenly breathes against her lips and she opens her eyes to see tears run down his face. “I need you…I only have you.” 

Rey whimpers, eyes stinging by his words and her lips are quivering as he kisses her cheeks softly. She wants to tell him that she feels the same, but she is wasted by the feeling of sorrow, sobbing while running her hands across his back. 

His words only remind her once again of their loneliness and their unwanted existence, and it’s still a fresh wound. It’s still hurt so much, but it also drives Rey for more. For more of  _ them together _ .  _ Them against the world.  _ Tears run down to her ears, but Ben kiss them away and she realizes that he always will. 

Rey slowly runs her hands down between their bodies to open up his pants. Even if there's a force controlling her body, something deep down in her consciousness is still surprised that Ben doesn’t react and stops this. Instead, he continues to kiss her with vexed eyes, completely hazed. 

She realizes that the force controls his body as much as it controls hers, yet she doesn’t mind. She hopes he doesn’t too because right now, true love sparkles between them and it’s real. 

“I need you too…”, Rey whispers into his ear as he groans, pushing his pants down and Rey realizes that her dress has already gone up and rolled around her waist, causing her to feel his erection directly against her thigh. 

She would’ve been frightened by this. Completely terrified by the size of him. Everything with Ben is big. His hand almost covers her whole stomach, her toes only reach his knees and her whole body is covered with his own. The size difference would scare her, but it doesn’t. 

She is completely drunk, almost high of the feeling of him. Her eyes are half-closed and lips parted. Like she’s waking up from a deep sleep yet walking in a cloud. And the only thing that keeps her awake is the need to have him inside of her. Connecting as one. Connecting them and being where they are supposed to be. 

Ben pushes her panties down and she doesn’t mind. She even takes off her boots and lets them drop to the floor once they’re off. 

She would’ve been so embarrassed right now, so overwhelmed by the fact that it’s just plain white, childish, cotton panties that falls to the floor and that her lower body is completely nude for Ben to see. But she feels nothing but lust. Nothing but wanting more. She just throws her head back with closed eyes as Ben kisses her neck, collarbone. Giving her love in the form of small peaks and she happily receives them. 

The only way her body normally reacts is when her breath turns faster, Ben leaning away to peel of his underwear. With a heaving chest, hair spread across the pillow and hands resting by her head, she stares up at him with half-open eyes and swollen lips that she licks. He looks at her with same, dreamy eyes, whispering something about how beautiful she is as he balances on his knees while taking off his boxers and Rey can’t even break her gaze to look down at him. She’s completely vexed by her soulmate's beautiful eyes, and she slowly reaches her hands out to snatch at his shirt, wanting it off. He understands, immediately peeling it off and throws it on the floor beside the bed. The Connection doesn’t let her break eye contact, so she touches his marble skin instead and it’s perfect, causing her to moan. Every muscle tense under her fingertips and the warmth that radiates from him melt the sharp icicles in her heart.

His slender fingers push her dress over her head and Rey helps him with it. Soon her bra comes off too, joining the rest of their clothes on the floor and she moans loudly when he hides his face in her neck and lets his big palms run over her chest. Her nipples harden under his fingertips when he slowly caresses them, making Rey whimper loudly. Arching her chest and clenching her eyes as Ben hushes her, his lips resting on her pulse point.

“B-Ben…”, she cries, yearning for something she doesn’t know. But he does, slowly and drunkenly hovering over her to line himself up against her. It’s an awkward position at first. Ben is too tall and Rey is too small, so he has to push her up against the bed and place her legs around his hips, slowly leaning forward to be able to kiss her again. The position causes Rey to arch her hip, her backside hovering over the bed, but it’s not uncomfortable. They’re closer like this and there is nothing she wants more than that. 

Rey is breathing heavily, both her arms around his neck hugging him in comfort as Ben kisses the corner of her lips, lining himself against her. She’s suddenly starting to realize that she’s doing this,  _ they  _ are doing this. She’s going to have sex for the first time, lose her virginity to her soulmate. She has waited for this moment her whole life, saved herself for him. 

But he’s drunk and he should be sober. They should’ve been ready with condoms, maybe candles and maybe it should’ve happened after a few dates. 

But that is not what the Soulmate Connection is about. 

It’s this. Two, perfectly matched persons, yearning for each other and acting out on true love. Not material shit like dates, flowers and waiting. It’s this. A pure, raw sensation of a force that is stronger than any bond. Stronger than any kind of social norms. It’s naked bodies in Ben’s cramped apartment, clothes piled up on the floor and rain hitting the windows outside. Filling the room with small noises together with Rey’s heavy breathing, Ben’s small groans and the sound of kisses.

“I love you, Ben…”, Rey whispers against his lips, eyes closed. Afraid of his reaction. “I love you.” 

The only reaction she gets is his lips pressed against hers. Their mouths smash together and it’s the first time tonight that it’s passionate, dramatic and not innocent at all. Tongues meeting and mixed saliva running down Rey’s chin. She wants him to tell her that he feels the same, but the kiss whispers of shared feelings and it’s enough for Rey. 

Her breath suddenly hitches when she feels him slowly push into her, leaning out the kiss as she gasps loudly. Clenching her eyes hard as inch after inch keeps pushing into her completely drenched cunt, yet it isn’t enough. He’s too big, she realizes soon. Her soulmate is double the size of her, and she’s too small. 16, 5'4 and petite. He's 33, 6'4 and muscular. 

Rey whimpers loudly, throwing her head back in pain and tears create in her eyes. She should have thought of this before, they always say it hurts the first time. 

“Relax, Rey. Please…”, Ben whispers in her ear, stopping by her cries. Voice restrained in either pleasure of being inside her, or her nails digging into his shoulders. 

“It- it hurts!”, she whines like a child, tears running down her eyes. She wiggles her body in an attempt to ease the pain, and it takes out a sharp groan from her soulmate. She opens her eyes to see Ben’s face. Sweat running down his hairline, eyes closed and lips parted in concentration. His hands clenched into a fist beside her head, forehead resting against her shoulder.

“ _ Fuck, _ you feel so good Rey…”, he mutters to himself, digging his nose into her hair and his one palm runs it’s way down to her breast slowly. Rey cries when he starts to massage the mound, biting her lips when he places a kiss on her neck before biting the fragile skin softly. “Relax for me…” 

Rey tries, she really tries. Her focus is on his fingers playing with her nipple and mouth sucking the skin of her neck, moaning as the pain slowly starts to pass. She breathes through her mouth and feels her muscles slowly relax. 

Then Ben suddenly pushes the rest of him inside of her and Rey screams in pain. He’s too big, too much and the last of him felt like a sharp pain. Like a knife stabbing her and the stretch is awful. She cries loudly, tears streaming down her face as Ben cups her face with his palms in a slight panic. 

“It’s okay, Rey, it’s over, it’s all in.”, he whispers hurriedly over her cries, kissing her lips between her sobs. Mumbling, still drunk. “You’re such a good girl Rey, sweet sweet Rey such a good girl…” 

“It hurts Ben, it hurts!”, she cries against his lips but he hushes her between kisses. 

“It’s over now, it’s going to feel good soon, I promise…” Rey nods her head, sobbing before hugging him harder and wishing for his promise to initiate sooner. Her legs are trembling around his hips, the stretch of him inside of her is too much for her. His giant body is too much for her, yet she doesn’t want anything else but him. 

“Y-you’re so big…”, she whispers between sobs and it causes Ben to groan in pleasure, biting his lips in an attempt to not start thrusting.

“Yeah?” Rey nods, her body shivering when she hears him breathe louder. It sends waves of pleasure through her, hearing his enjoyment and she slowly starts to wiggle under him, the pain finally easing. 

“Go slow on me, Ben... “, she whispers in his ear with a shaky voice and Ben nods eagerly.

He thrust into her once, slowly, causing Rey to whimper loudly because it hurts too much. It's too big and every movement he makes causes yet another tear to run down her eyes and it should make sense that Rey stops this. She should tell him that it hurts, that she doesn’t want this and that it’s not good. 

But it is good. She wants this. Even if it hurts, the biology inside her wants him to continue, to thrust into her until he cums in her and such thoughts have  _ never _ been said in Rey’s mind before. The Connection wants them to connect, to make the perfect offspring and by that, it completely numbs the pain to make them continue, even if it’s still there. 

So Rey continues to cry in pain, yet she cries in pleasure too. It’s a weird feeling that spreads inside her body, she throws her head back. Ben breathes loudly into her neck, sending shivers over her skin and all she can think of is  _ more, more, more. _

“P-please, Ben…”, Rey whimpers and he groans loudly, starting to thrust faster. Rey moans, clenching her eyes as tears squeeze through them, gripping his muscular back for dear life. Ben is gripping the bed frame over her, her small body completely covered by him if not her arms and legs held around his body like a koala. With their enormous size difference, Ben has no choice but to lean forward with his hips to reach her, causing Rey’s hips and back to hover over the bed too. The position hits something deep inside of Rey, something that hurts as equal as it feels good and Rey gasps, loudly. 

“Rey…”, Ben whispers into her neck worried, feeling her tears rub on his naked skin. Rey sobs, digging her nails into the flesh of his back before nodding, and Ben continues. 

She cries with every thrust. Sounding like a child with her high-pitched voice, but she is a child and it would’ve bothered her deeply if she heard herself. From the start, all Rey wanted was for Ben to see her as someone equal to him and their age was  _ not _ equal. She understood him though, maybe it felt weird being with someone younger by 17 years, but she was mature for her age. Her mentality was equal with his and so was their life situation. Why else had faith put them together? But Ben couldn’t see that. He was blinded by her age. But it didn’t matter, not with the Connection. He couldn’t see that and Rey hated it. 

But now he can. 

His poundings become more frantic, more worked up and wild just as his breathing against her neck. Their bodies become sweaty, Ben in pleasure and Rey the same but pain with it. Sticking their bodies together like glue and it’s amazing. Rey’s breath quicken, feeling something inside of her starts to turn unstable like a tower of Jenga. She wants Ben to slow it down. It hurts but her biology doesn’t want to, sensing the pleasure that is about to erupt, so she places a hand by his abs to minimize his thrusts instead. Ben doesn’t even react. 

“You want me, Rey? Right? You need me?”, he suddenly whispers against her cheek and Rey clench her eyes, the grip she has around his hips tightens. The questions aren’t dirty-talking. No sexual undertone in his voice. Just pure desperation, frustration and sadness leaking from him and if it wasn’t for the sudden pleasure that starts to control her body, Rey would’ve cried.

“Yes!”, she moans, arching her back when it starts to build. It feels so good, the pain disappears for a few moments and the pleasure takes over. “Yes, Yes Ben I need you I  _ need  _ you so much!” 

“Yes!”, Ben hiss against her cheek, hitching them up even more and Rey gasp, only her shoulders touching the bed. The rest of her hovering over the bed, Ben holding her up and the new position causes Rey to scream, roll her eyes back in pure pleasure. “Yes, Rey say my name Rey say that you need me!” 

“Ben, I need you Ben!”, she cries with every thrust and soon it spreads inside her body like an uncontrollable fire and her legs starts to tremble around his hips and she takes the hand that rested on his abs and grips the cover under her instead and  _ and- it feels so good so so good.  _ “Oh, Ben!  _ Ben! _ ” 

Ben thrust into her last, so  _ freaking  _ hard and it’s enough. The tower of Jenga crumbles to the ground, her body erupts like a volcano and Rey screams. Her body shaking under him like a fish on land as a pleasure she has never felt before, takes over her body. Stars bursting under her eyelids like fireworks. Ben groaning loudly and digging his head into her chest, filling her up with semen,  _ him,  _ causes Rey to shiver satisfyingly. It’s a feeling she will only feel with him, for nothing feels better if it isn’t with your soulmate and Rey knows that after today, there is no one she will ever love more than Ben. 

_ Ben. Ben. Her Ben.  _

Her body still trembles when she comes down from her high. Eyes half-opened and chest heaving dramatically. Ben can’t hold himself up much longer, still drunk and unstable, and land on Rey with a huff. He’s heavy, but his naked body over her feels like a blanket. His weight a comfort. 

Something warm fills Rey's chest when he rests his head over her breast, pressing his ear over her heart. He grabs her mound and lazily plays with it until he falls asleep with Rey’s hands running through his hair softly. 

She chuckles when she soon hear his soft snores and her eyelids turn heavy, slowly falling with him. And for the first time in forever, Rey feels happy. Alive and she never wants to feel anything else but this. With the love of her life by her side. 

She tries not to think how Ben will react to all of this, once the alcohol and the control of the Soulmate Connection leave his body. She hopes he will feel like Rey does now. She really does. Happy. 

Rey falls asleep with a smile on her lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will Ben react once he wakes up...? 
> 
> Be ready for the chaos in the next chapter xoxo ;* 
> 
> ~Lenkia


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
Thank you so much for your comments on the last chapter! Couldn't answer them bc of school, so as a sorry, here is a new chapter hihi please enjoy my babies, love ya <33

The headache wakes him up before the sun does

It’s pounding in his head. Like that awful house music that’s being played at the Order First, the beat comes together with sharp pains and Ben groans loudly, clenching his eyes.  He shouldn’t have got to the liquor store and bought a whole bottle of vodka for himself. Shouldn’t have drunk it all up. 

He.. he shouldn’t have met his parents. 

He regrets it now. He regrets it so much. They hadn’t changed at all. They were still awful people who only thought of themselves and money. And Ben, Ben was still unwanted. 

Nothing has changed and it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. He should've already known it by now, yet it’s still a fresh wound. It should have been long healed by now.  But he had met them for Rey. She was so frustrated, so desperate for an answer and it didn’t feel fair to let her ponder her whole life as he had done. 

He has the answer now. He should tell her. Nothing has changed. 

They’re unwanted. 

Ben moves his head slightly and the pain causes him to hiss between his teeth.  _ Fuck, how much did he drink?  _

Maybe he should go back to therapy. It had helped him at the age of 18, it should help him now too. He’ll book an appointment.  He needs to know what time it is. He’s working tonight, right? Or is it tomorrow-

Ben freezes when he’s about to reach for his phone, only to feel something soft under his palm. No, his whole face. Something warm, soft and moving under him that heaves with every breath she takes. His mind becomes blank before it races with thoughts. 

_ No _ .

No! 

What the fuck did he do last night!?

Did he meet some random woman and slept with her? Or did he go to a bar and just picked someone up? 

He hasn’t done this kind of reckless thing since he was 18 years old and he doesn’t want to go back in his life. It’s awful how one visit takes back all the feelings he felt before and acts he used to do. 

But there is this instant guilt inside of him, something new, that he’s never felt before. It’s the fact that he has found his soulmate, has a bond to her that not even marriage can equalize.

Yet he’s with someone else. 

It feels like betrayal and it shouldn’t because she’s 16 and it won’t work anyways. He’s allowed to have other relationships. But the whisper in his head and the guilt says otherwise. 

Ben denies that stupid thought, he can sleep with whoever he wants to. He shouldn’t feel guilty, even if Rey is his soulmate. Even if-

Ben’s hand twitch, gripping the mound of flesh in his hand that he now realizes is a breast. Before the thought startles him, a small whimper he knows far to well reach his ear. 

And his eyes turn wide open. 

Ben sits up, the sudden movement making everything around him shake like an earthquake and it hurts like hell, as much as when he turns his head to see the girl lying in his bed.

And the world stops spinning, his heart stops to beat and all blood leaves his face when he sees Rey, sleeping on his bed. 

A blanket is covering her naked body to the underside of her breasts, baring them for Ben to rest his head on, for him to see. Her hair is a mess, a crazed kind of sex-mess under the pillow she sleeps on and the hickey on her neck feels like it’s mocking him. She looks restful, and she looks like an angel. 

Ben stares at her with parted lips, eyes wide. Completely frozen by the sight of his soulmate naked on his bed. Feeling his breath turn faster as every single memory of last night rush back to his head, and it's a slaps across the face. It plays in his head, like a fucking drama. 

He suddenly remembers when he stumbled into the corridor, seeing Rey. He remembers kissing her. Remembers going into the apartment. Fighting with Rey about something he can’t recall. There were screaming and crying and then more kisses. Then clothes were thrown to the ground and they touched and made out and he remembers clearly how he thrust into her violently as she cried in pain and pleasure. He remembers that he gripped the headboard, Rey arching under him and screaming his name and 'yes, yes,  _ yes'- _

“Fuck...”, Ben whispers under his breath, still staring at Rey with wide eyes. Feeling his body start to tremble. 

What has he done? 

What  _ the fuck  _ has he done?! 

He slept with her. He had sex with her. A 16-year old girl. A child. 

His throat starts to tighten when nausea hits him. His breath turns heavier, eyes stinging by the fact that he betrayed her. He betrayed himself. He said that he wouldn’t touch her, he promised himself that they wouldn’t do anything. 

Look at them now. He didn’t just touch her, he took her fucking virginity. He had sex with a child. 

The pounding in his head becomes sharper, painful and Ben thinks he’s going to faint. Once again, once  _ fucking  _ again, the Connection completely controlled him and the mixture with the toxic in his system did not help at all. Every little doubt had vanished from his mind and at that moment, he had wanted her. He had wanted her so much. Just like that moment when she had sat in his lap before her father interrupted. 

But this time, there was nothing, no one, who did. Not even himself, completely drunk. 

His breath hitch when he sees Rey starts to stir from her sleep like she could sense that he’s awake. Maybe that’s a soulmate thing too. She furrows her brows and stretches her arms lazily, her breast, her small breast, gently jiggling and Ben thinks he has never been attracted to breasts as he has with Rey’s. And it fucking terrifies him. 

He wants to vomit, nausea increasing by the fact that he’s a pedophile. He’s a pedophile, right? You’re a minor until you’re 18. She’s 16. He’s 33. 

_ What the fuck…. _

He can’t stop sweating, he can’t stop heaving. The pounding in his head doesn't help, and the voice that tells him that he’s a sex offender doesn't shut up. He can’t calm himself down. Not even when Rey wakes up, slightly opening her eyes to see Ben having a panic attack. 

Rey immediately wakes up, her eyes widening as she sits up. 

“Ben, what’s wrong?”, she asks, completely horrified for his sake and Ben wants to scream at her that _doesn’t she get that herself?_ She palms his face, bending her neck to be able to face him and her lips are parted in worry. They are swollen too. Swollen by kisses. “Are you alright?” 

Her palms feel soft against his cheeks. Small too. Way too small. 

A child's. 

Ben jumps from the bed, puts on his boxer from the floor and runs to the toilet. He’s impressed that he managed to do all that before he vomits. 

Nothing but a stinging liquid leaves his mouth and he knows it’s the toxic pouring out of him. He grips the edge of the toilet seat, eyes stinging as he coughs out the alcohol from his body.

“Ben!”, he hears Rey scream from the bed in alarm, hearing the blanket shuffle in a hurry to get to him 

Then Ben hears a short scream and a thump, a falling to the ground.

It turns quiet in the bedroom. Ben can’t hear anything from the bathroom, tries to control his fast pants as he stares at the door. Did Rey fall?

“R-Rey?”, Ben asks after her, voice trembling. She doesn’t answer and with shaking legs, Ben flushes the toilet and wash his mouth fast with water before taking three fast steps to the bedroom. “Rey-?”

Ben stops. His eyes widen in complete shock and if it wasn’t for the wall beside him, he would’ve fallen to the ground. 

He would’ve fallen to the ground, sink into it and he would fall fall fall all the way to hell where he belongs. 

He belongs in hell and he deserves to burn. 

Rey is trembling on the ground, her whole body completely red in embarrassment. Both her hand placed over herself like she’s trying to hide it.  Like Ben can’t see the blood splattered on the inside of her thighs, dried and mixed with his cum. Like it’s not all across the white sheets, and how much he wishes it is, it’s not her period.  Even if it’s a lot, a lot of dried blood, it’s not her period. 

It’s… 

_ What the fuck!?  _

He needs to vomit. He needs to vomit again, but there is nothing inside him that can come out if not his heart that beats inside him too hard. He places a hand over his mouth, feeling the same panic attack rising again and his eyes start to sting.

“Oh, God…”, he whispers for himself. “Oh, God. Oh, God....” 

Ben hurt her. Fuck he hurt her so badly, she can’t even stand up and all that blood, he shed it. He did that. He tore her apart. 

Ben’s going to faint. Of alcohol poisoning or lack of air, he doesn’t know but he can’t breathe, he can’t  _ fucking _ breathe-

“I’m sorry!” 

Ben suddenly looks down at Rey, almost forgetting the crying girl on the floor. Tears leak from her eyes and she sobs while shaking, completely naked and red in shame. 

“I’m s-sorry Ben! I ruined y-your sheets...”, she stuttered between sobs, hugging herself in pain. 

Ben stares at her with wide eyes. 

And he feels so fucking selfish. 

He needs to calm down. He needs to calm _the_ _fuck_ down. He made a mistake, a huge one too, but he’s not the one suffering. He’s not the victim. 

Rey is. 

Ben is the adult in this situation and he needs to act his part. She’s just a child, embarrassed over the blood and pain  _ he _ put her through but she doesn’t know better. He can’t panic and how much he wants to forget everything that happened, he can’t. She’s hurt, embarrassed and he needs to fix this. He is an adult. This is his mistake, and he needs to fix this. 

He needs to take care of her. 

“No…”, Ben finally says, free from the spell of shock. He leans down and palms her face as she did to him just minutes ago, tilting her head to face him. She continues to cry, eyes closed in embarrassment, tears running down his hands. “No, Rey dear, don’t be sorry. It’s just sheets, just stupid sheets, okay?” She nods hesitantly through sobs. “I’m going to draw you a bath, okay?” 

He doesn’t wait for an answer, he just hurries himself to his bathtub and fills it with lukewarm water. His body trembles, a sign that he’s panicking inside but he does everything in his power to stay calm. Biting his lips, legs twitching in alarm, but he tries to relax. 

_ It’s going to be fine.  _

The tub is half full, but he doesn’t wait. He hurries to Rey who’s still crying on the floor. 

“Rey, can you walk?”, he asks, voice restrained. She shakes her head. 

“It… it hurts too much.” 

Ben closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Calming himself down. The pounding pain in his head is still there, but he deserves it. He  _ fucking _ deserves it. 

He leans down and carries her instead, bridal style. She digs her head in his chest like he’s her savior and not the reason she’s whimpering in pain. 

“It’s alright, Rey. Everything will be alright.”, he assures her. But... he’s just trying to convince himself that

Slowly, he puts her down in the water. She hisses, clenching her eyes hard when it covers her body. But she doesn’t let go of his arms, hugging him harder as tears continue to wet his chest. 

“D-don’t go…”, she whispers. 

And in this situation, how can he deny her anything when guilt is the only thing he feels? 

Soon, they’re both in the tub naked. The water surrounding them like a warm hug, but Rey still shivers in his lap. Her back resting against his chest, head leaning on his shoulder with her legs between his. Both Rey’s hand is placed on his that’s wrapped around her waist. It’s a position for lovers. 

Rey watches the water in silence. Ben’s heart is beating in panic. Too much has happened and it’s a mess in his head. He doesn't want anything else, doesn't want any more of this. No more guilt, no more panic. And this, this is totally innocent. This is just comfort until she calms. Until she’s better and the moment she tells him that she's alright now, he'll stand up and leave. He'll take care of her, it soothes his guilt. Just a bit. But not enough, it will never be enough. 

“I’m so embarrassed…”, Rey whispers, finally calm from her cryings. He hasn’t looked at her once, staring into the wall in front of them. He doesn’t want to see her naked body or the blood solving with the water. 

“Don’t be Rey. Please don’t be.” Ben closes his eyes, swallowing. “I’m sorry that I... hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me.” She shifts in his lap, creating small waves around them and Ben tries to ignore the fact that his dick is pressed right against her backside. “It… it felt good…” 

The shakiness in her voice only takes him back to yesterday night, remembering her screaming his name and  _ fuck stop thinking about it. _

Rey turns her head to look Ben in the eyes and he has no choice but to look back. Her eyes are wet, eyelashes extra-long and lips red and thoroughly kissed. Hickey a shade of blue, matching her tan skin. Freckles are splattered across her young face, he never noticed that before. 

“Did… Did it feel good for you?”, she asks innocently, like the child she is, and  _ fuck _ it does something to him he’s never felt before.

Something is different now, something has changed and Ben should fear it like he usually does, but suddenly he doesn’t. Instead, he turns hard by the sight of his soulmate naked in his lap. His small, young soulmate. Just minutes ago, that thought made him vomit. He had been in a complete panic. 

But now they’re calm, and that  _ difference _ turns him on instead. 

“Yeah…”, Ben whispers, arms around her waist tightening. Feeling her small breast resting under his forearm. “It felt good.” 

In fact, it felt more than good. It had been amazing, the reason why he must have gone so hard on her. Once again, Hux’s words resurface in his head again. Every touch feels better with once soulmate, and  _ fuck _ it had been awesome. At least from what he remembers. 

Ben bites his lips, noticing that Rey is still watching him and she smiles when she felt his erection against her back, blushing. 

“I’m glad.” 

She’s small, was a virgin too, so she had been so tight around him.  _ Fuck, _ he had split her open and he can still hear her high-pitched whisper telling him how big he is. Ben groans by the fact that maybe,  _ maybe _ , he could’ve felt himself through her stomach. Petite that she is, he could’ve pressed his hand against her lower stomach and felt him pound into her. 

Ben slowly let’s one hand wander to her stomach, noticing his whole palm almost cover her tummy. He groans. 

“Ben, don’t tickle me!”, Rey giggles, voice still hoarse from the crying and the movement when she wiggles under him causes Ben to swallow restrained. 

How can simple touches from his soulmate cause this much pleasure?

“Sorry…” 

But she doesn’t stop to wiggle. In fact, the movement becomes more and more obvious and Ben groans loudly, suddenly gripping the meat of her hips in pure passion as her ass brush against him. Rey’s breath slowly turns faster as she grips the edge of the tub for support, glancing at Ben over her shoulder with red cheeks and half-opened eyes. 

“D-does it feels good now?”, she asks between pants, nervous and excited and all Ben can do is throw his head back. 

“Yeah...”, he whispers under his breath, feeling like a teenage boy. Cumming from the simplest of touch. 

But, everything is different with your soulmate. 

His hand reaches for her left breast, gripping the mound in his palm, making Rey whimper in pleasure as his right slowly goes for her tight cunt. He wants to fuck her again so bad, feel her clench around him and feel himself through her stomach completely sober, but she’s sore and he doesn't wish her any more pain. So he settles with just slowly circling her swollen clit.

Rey gasps, arching her chest and throwing her head back, causing water to splash from the tub and her reaction turns him on so bad, so he continues as she somehow keeps bouncing against him, like the angel she is. 

“B-Ben, careful. I’m sore-” She’s interrupted by her own gasp when he slowly lets his finger brush against her swollen opening as Ben digs his nose into her scalp, panting. Smelling him.

“I did that to you…”, he whispers, making Rey nod slowly. She doesn’t understand his sudden, perverted excitement.

“I don’t think it fits inside of me…”, she says between breaths. Completely naive and innocent, not knowing the effect it causes and Ben has to do anything not to cum, rubbing her faster. 

“It’ll fit. Eventually…” Rey doesn’t hear, whining in pleasure as she continues to grind in his lap even greater. Gripping the sides of the tub harder until her knuckles turn white, water wild and flying across the edge, splashing on the floor.

Seeing her tight little ass rub against him and seeing her beautiful tits bounce together with her movements, one resting in his palm, makes Ben question himself. 

Did he really see this Connection a problem? How? Why did he complain that she’s young? Seeing her like this, so small and flexible in his lap, he thinks he’ll never be with someone his age again. He can’t deny the sparkling energy when their bodies move in sync, feeling it radiate around them like fireworks. It’s something only they can feel. It’s intimate, more than sex and touching and it’s beautiful. He only wants this. His young girl in his lap. 

So when Ben sees his beautiful soulmate gasp and throw her head back with clenched eyes, his hand between her legs, the sight is too much. 

“Ben, Ben,  _ Ben! _ ”, she cries and he knows she’s close, so he pinches her nipple between his fingers and rubs ever harder, and soon she’s trembling in his lap. Arching her ass so perfectly against him. She comes, singing his name loudly.

It’s enough. 

Ben leans his forehead against her scalp and he comes hard. Clenching his jaw while groaning loudly, painting his stomach and Rey’s tan, silken skin with his semen and it does something to him, knowing that he marking Rey with himself.

Rey falls back into his lap, right into the mess on his stomach, and breathes like she ran a marathon, chest heaving together with his. It’s silent otherwise, if not their racing hearts pulsing in their ears and the water drops dripping from the edge of the tub. It’s calming, the post-orgasm running in their bodies like drugs as they fill their lungs with air, bodies worn and pressed against each other. 

Ben let’s go of her breast, hugging her waist again. He swallows when Rey looks up, eyes vexed and lips parted in satisfaction. Face red and flushed in excitement. 

“I love you, Ben…”, she whispers with a small smile, kissing his jaw, the only place she can reach, before settling down in his lap again. Head resting against his chest and palms on his arms. She doesn’t wait for an answer, doesn’t seem to expect one either. 

Ben waits for the panic. Waits for the moment where he’ll understand his wrongs and think of age, morality,  _ opinions. _

But… nothing comes. 

The Connection has them both on a leach now. Even Ben. How many times the Connection had pushed, pushed and pushed them towards each together, Ben had stopped it immediately. But the sneaky force of nature tricked him by taking advantage of his drunken, weakened state last night and now he’s in this mess. And there is no panic. 

Yet… there is. Something inside of him knows that this is wrong and knows that he should stop this. For them, this is a connection only they’ll understand. For the rest of the world, he’s a pedophile and she’s a victim. 

Ben slides deeper into the tub, gripping Rey tighter. Guilt is bubbling inside of him. 

He tries to ignore the screaming voice in his head telling him to finish this before it’s too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you expect Ben's reaction? Will this last long?
> 
> I'm curious guys, what do you think?
> 
> ~Lenkia


	14. Chapter 14

Just 12 hours ago, Ben had sat in his car. With blank eyes, a broken heart and his mother's voice in his ear when he finally had asked the question. The words had repeated in his head;

_ “I don’t know...”  _

It was some sad music on too like the radio station knew that Ben would go to the closest liquor store and drink himself wasted in his car alone. The rain splashing against the windows while he gulped the alcohol down. What a fucking tragedy.

Now, the sun is shining through the windows. Small corns of dust floating and dancing around the car while Ben drives towards the pharmacy. Rey by his side. The radio station does it’s magic and puts on a song she just  _ loves _ . Rey cried in happiness when it started and told Ben about the boy band singing it. He had never heard of them and felt old when her eyebrow raised in surprise, before singing along. Smiling through the lyrics and asking him once again how he never had heard of them.

It’s amazing how 12 hours make such a difference.

After their little… fun in the bath, they had stayed in each other embrace. Rey just relaxing and Ben waiting for the panic. The water had turned ice-cold around them before they finally got up and the moment Rey stood on her feet, she almost fell to the ground. Ben had caught her like a gentleman in a chick-flick movie and Rey claimed that she was alright. Even if the bath was slightly red. 

“Ben, I said that I’m fine…”, she had whispered from the floor, a towel around her body and blush covering her whole body while Ben changed the sheets. Even if they just had taken a bath, sweat had poured out of every pore when he saw the amount of blood. 

“No you aren’t, stop lying.”, he had said through clenched teeth, completely outrageous on himself for not thinking about the fact that she was a virgin, that she should’ve been warmed up or that he should've slowed down instead of pounding into her like a mad man. 

But he can’t explain it… Something had just  _ possessed  _ him at that moment. It’s weird.

Rey hadn’t said anything else about it after, still embarrassed. 

Then he had helped her put on her clothes. It shouldn't have been as intimate as it should’ve. His fingertips had touched her silken skin when he hooked her bra and pulled the dress over her head, and it felt like a sparkle. Electrical, yet it was the opposite of the feeling of a typical shock. Instead of sharp pain, it was a soft caress. Wanting him to keep touching instead of snatching his hand away. 

He had told her to put her hair in a bun while fixing her socks, since it was wet and she could get a cold, and when he had looked up at her, his mind turned blank. 

Her face had been filled with emotions, all kinds of sorts that had caused his breath to hitch. Lips in a small smile, eyes vexed on him and a slight blush covering her cheeks. It was just a stare, but it was also a truth. A confession. It was so clear. 

She loves him.

Not the kind of high school love, or some weak crush. True love. A love of one's soulmate but also something else. Something more. A love for one’s father. 

It’s kind of fucked up, Ben realized, to think he is the father figure she never had. To think that he has  _ that _ , parental, kind of love from her too. It only makes her love double, it only makes the love more effective and stronger. 

It’s... overwhelming. 

Ben had looked away, mumbled about fixing breakfast before leaving her on the bed to rest. Blushed like a fucking teenager. He isn’t used to that kind of love. 

He doesn’t even know if he wants it from a 16-year old girl. 

Ben had 3 minutes later came back with two bowls of breakfast balancing in his hands. They had sat on the bed, munching on their cereals while glancing at each other. Remembering their fight, about his parent's answer, about the fact that they only minutes ago humped in the bath. Memories that were too hurtful or private to be brought up. But according to Rey’s constant red cheeks and stares she didn’t think he saw, Ben was pretty sure she thought of  _ that  _ and he didn’t know if he should have laughed or cringed. 

He can’t really come over the fact that they had done it. It felt like a memory too far away, too drunk to remember clearly. But he remembers how good it felt, breaking through her. Shedding her blood and lifting her whole, lightweight body up to hit her deep inside before spilling in her- 

Ben gasps and a honey puff goes straight to his airflow, making him cough loudly. 

“Ben, eat carefully!”, Rey had giggled as Ben tried to breathe again, tears streaming down his face.

“We- we didn’t-”, Ben had tried to say between cough. “We didn’t use anything.” 

“What do you mean?” Ben gulps. 

“We didn’t use any... protection...” Rey’s eyebrows raise and cheeks immediately turn red.

“Oh, I-” There was a slight panic in her voice as she blinked. “W-what do- what should we do?”

Ben had dragged his palm across his face in exhaustion, frustrated at himself as he sighed, thinking hard. He had never been in a situation like this. 

“I’ll fix this…”, Ben had assured her, shaking his head. “We’ll go… we’ll go and get you an emergency pill.” 

So, here they were, in the car 15 minutes later. Ben had to literally carry her all the way down to his car. Making sure that the neighbors didn’t saw an underaged girl with him, all while having her balance by his side, whimpering and mumbling that it’s alright,  _ it doesn’t even hurt anymore.  _ But he just ignored her while every cry reminded him how fucking horrible he is. 

She’s still shifting around in the car chair and she tries to hide her discomfort, but her face cringe now and then and small, uncontrollable whines expose her. Ben felt himself turn small, gripping the wheel tighter while guilt flows in him.

The song ends, and Rey mumbles. Staring out the window a quiet two seconds before looking at Ben.

“Can I come with you?”, Rey asks, even if it’s still a good 10 minutes ride until they arrive. It’s a question more appropriate when reaching their destination, but he can feel her excitement. Not to go to the pharmacy, but going out with him. 

“No, Rey.”, Ben says, eyes not leaving the highway. “You need to take it easy.”

“Come on, I told you already. I’m fine!” Rey pouts, crossing her arms frustrated like the spoiled child she is. 

Yet she isn’t the same perfect lady she was the first time he knew her. Her hair is a mess on her head, dress wrinkled and her brand bag thrown in the backseat. Nothing like her modest behavior in the beginning, with the nice language and perfect posture. It’s like when she had sat in his lap and cried that day, showing him how she  _ really  _ felt and who she  _ really _ was behind those expensive clothes and flawless makeup. And Ben likes her like this so much more. Relaxed, herself and not the child of a multimillionaire. 

Ben smiles. “Rey, you can barely walk.”

It’s silent a few seconds. 

“Worth it…” 

Ben glance at her with two raised eyebrows and she glanced back with a grin, cheeks pink like cotton candy and he can’t help but chuckle. 

“Totally…” Rey gasp and hits his arm lightly, giggling as her body turns flushed in embarrassment.

“Ben! You’re nasty!” He laughs by her reaction and the sun keeps filling the car with rays of sunshine. 

Maybe… 

Maybe it can work like this. 

They finally arrive and it’s not hard to find a parking spot in the middle of the day on a weekday. The mall is a small one that doesn’t have much but a Target, H&M, a pharmacy and some restaurants, but it is enough to attract locals and mothers on maternity leave.

Ben turns off the car, swallowing nervously. He knows that the odds are small, but he doesn’t want to run into someone he recognizes. He doesn’t want to receive a glare from the workers either when he asks for the pill, but it’s the price he has to pay for fucking without a condom. 

But having to explain himself to someone he knows? No, hell fucking no because honestly, Ben wouldn’t even know himself how to explain  _ this _ . 

“Rey, you stay here.”, Ben says without looking at her because he can already feel her puppy eyes burning on the side of his face. She sighs loudly. 

“But  _ Ben _ -” 

“No, Rey. I’m not having this conversation.” He turns his head to her. “First of all, you can  _ barely _ walk and second, I’m not in the mood for someone to call the police on me. We’d had to go to the police station and take a test to prove ourselves Soulmates before they would let me go. Are you in the mood for that?” 

Rey blinks, pouts her lips and shakes her head no before falling back to the seat with crossed arms. Ben rolls his eyes and is about to open the door when a small hand on his wrist interrupts. 

“Ben?” He looks at his soulmate once again, who’s now blushing. “Kiss?” 

It’s his turn to blush and it’s ridiculous that it does. This thing they have feels dangerous as fire yet vanilla sweet, and it causes him to sweat in alarm yet makes his heartbeat. It’s like a constant roller coaster and it’s tiring to always notice the up’s and down’s and worry about them.

It’s much easier to close your eyes. 

So Ben looks around the parking lot fast, just to make sure no one sees, before leaning down to kiss her. 

It’s a fast  _ I'll-see-you-soon _ kiss, but Ben still feels their Connection sparkle like a broken light bulb. Rey notices it too because she lets out a small moan and it’s enough for Ben to lean out before anything else happens.

He doesn’t dare to look at Rey, he just  _ knows _ he’ll turn hard by the sight of her excited glare with parted lips and half-opened eyes, so he simply jumps out the car and closes the door behind him before hurrying his way to the pharmacy. 

The cashier at the store doesn’t even react when Ben whispers, completely ashamed, after an emergency pill and he buys the most expensive one. Doesn’t want to risk anything. 

Then he goes off, doesn’t answer when she offers him his receipt, because he doesn’t want to run into someone with an emergency pill in his hand, even if he’s hiding the overly pink package around his fingers. Ben’s gaze is lowered, he moves through people like a snake and he sees the entrance through the crowd and is relieved by the sight as if it’s a finish line of a marathon he has run.

_ Please don’t let anyone notice me, please don’t let anyone see the package, please- _

“Ben!” A sudden grip of his arm surprise Ben completely, causing the package in his hand to drop and land on the floor, dramatically like it’s an amulet from a beloved one in a movie. “Hey, what are you doing here?” Ben recognizes the voice of his best friend immediately, but he can’t do anything but watch the package with widen eyes as it slams to the dirty mall floor with a soft thud. Bazine stands beside Hux, is about to greet Ben too but, unfortunately, notices the dropped item. 

“Hux, don’t scare people like that!”, Bazine chuckle, shaking her head and Hux apologizes ironically with laughter. Before Ben can react, he sees Bazine lean down to pick it up from the floor and Ben’s fucking windpipe turns way to small because  _ nothing _ but a small ridiculous whimper comes out of his mouth when Bazine grabs the package. “Ben you dropped your-”

And then Bazine notices it, her breath hitching. Hux feels his soulmates distress, sees the package and understands too. It turns quiet.

And there they are. In the middle of the mall, standing in a circle with an emergency pill in the middle as if they’re about to sacrifice it to the gods. Eyes wide, jaw dropped and in complete shock. 

Ben would have laughed if he could because  _ how fucking convenient is this  _ but there is nothing funny about it. He wants the earth to swallow him whole yet he wants to run and never look back. He wants a lot of things, yet he’s stuck with what he has. Fucking  _ this. _

It’s not like it’s a big deal. Really, if it was any other case, Hux would’ve laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. Bothering Ben with unnecessary comments like  _ ‘Wild night, huh?’  _ or  _ ‘Forgot the condom?’ _ and Ben would roll his eyes, Bazine would laugh together with her dark-humored husband and Hux would join his wife. 

But, it’s not any other case. 

It’s the fact that Ben has a soulmate. A soulmate who is 16 years old. Hux knows this, and Bazine does too. She must, Ben didn’t even expect his best friend to keep his secret from his wife. 

So Ben is left with two outcomes. Either they think this damned pill is for someone else, an unnamed woman, or for Rey. 

It clearly looks like, with their horrified faces, that they believe it’s the last. 

_ This is it,  _ Ben thinks. _ Save yourself! Tell them it’s for someone else, tell them it’s not for Rey.  _

But… he can’t. 

Because he would lie to them. It would slip through his mouth as easy as an exhale and Hux and Bazine would breathe out. Laugh in relief with small _‘Thank God!’_ under their breaths and then tell him how much Ben scared them. And Ben would laugh with them, an agreement that being with Rey like that is sick, it’s perverted and disgusting. Then they would say their goodbyes and Ben would leave them to go back to Rey. Watch her swallow the pill and blush under his gaze and limp when she walks. Hide when kissing, keep treating her like a daughter and a lover, and continuing sleeping with a young, _16-year old, lonely _girl with_ no _friends_, no _family_, no one. _

But him. 

And Ben realize right then, right now, that he agrees with the lie he would’ve told, that is actually a hidden truth. The same truth is being blinded by the force of the Connection. The same truth that, in a form of a clump in a stomach, has been boiling in him discreetly, yet noticed. Covered with a layer of guilt, lust, but mostly the feeling of being wanted by her. Filling the void of his childhood trauma, just as he filled hers. That’s why they are a perfect match. Why they are soulmates.

Ben agrees with the lie that he would’ve told. 

That it’s sick. It’s perverted. And it’s  _ fucking _ disgusting. 

He doesn’t need more proof than this. Their horrified, paled faces and Bazine’s deadly glare is enough to shame Ben more than he has ever felt was possible of feeling, but does he blame her?

He is a pedophile and it is perfectly legal. He’s the human-being everyone hates. 

“I-”, Bazine starts, trying to apologize for picking the package up and invading his privacy, but there is nothing to apologize for. Her face turns into a deep shade of red, the same shade as her partner's hair. In either anger or revulsion, Ben doesn’t know, but it causes his body to tremble, eyes to sting and heart to break. Because this is his friend and his best friend next to her, yet they look at him with abhorrence and if his friends react like this, then how the fuck would the rest of the world react?

He doesn’t need an answer to that. 

Ben snatches the package from Bazine’s hand and he leaves. Catching Hux’s eyes filled with disgust yet pity, _an_ _understanding,_ and it hurts much worse then what the loathing does. 

When Ben arrives at the car, he’s a trembling mess. muscles twitching around his eyes and teeth digging into his lips. Doing everything in his power, not to cry. Not to break down. 

“Ben, did you get it?”, Rey asks once Ben sits in the front, arms shaking when closing the door after himself. He simply answers by giving her the package, staring into the wheel as she takes it. “Thank you. I’ve heard you get pretty bad side effects, but nothing can be worse than this!”, she laughs as she puts the package between the two car seats. Only a few minutes ago they were joking about it and listening to music with the sun shining directly into their faces. 

But now the laughter echoes into his ear mockingly, dragging him down into the same void that will  _ never _ be filled with the feelings of being wanted and loved. Ben simply can’t allow himself that, because he doesn’t deserve it. 

He’s  _ disgusting _ .

The radio is turned off, the sun is gone and it’s cold in the car. Ben’s fingers are frozen around the wheel, but he can’t feel it. He can’t feel anything but Rey’s worried glance constantly on him, noticing his sudden apathetic behavior. 

“Ben, is everything alright?”, she asks troubled and Ben clench the wheel harder. “Did something happen?-” 

“Don’t tell anyone about this.”, Ben commands with one toned voice, eyes never leaving the road. “About what happened. Do you hear me?” 

It’s quiet and Ben can fucking _ feel _ he hurt her. He can  _ feel _ her eyes widening and  _ feel _ her gaze lowering in shame, before chuckling with no humor at all. Trying to laugh it away, like everything is okay. She’s lying to herself. 

“I don’t have anyone to tell, so don’t worry…”, she whispers.

“Good…” 

They finally park outside Rey’s mansion and Ben keeps staring ahead of him. He can’t look her in the eyes, can’t deal with seeing her hurt. Heartbroken once again because of him and Ben closes his eyes when he hears her start to sob. 

Because just as he feels her heartache, she can feel his conflict. 

“Rey…”, he whispers, but she shakes her head. 

“No-”, 

“ _ Rey- _ ”

“No, no, no I don’t want to hear it!” She whimpers, trembling and placing both her hands over her face. “No, no no, please  _ please  _ Ben-”

“This was a mistake.” 

It becomes quiet. Like a calm before the storm, it feels like everything zooms out around him fast and foreign like a wicked sort of deja vu before he’s back again in this cramped area that’s choking him with sin.

The calm is interrupted when Rey cries and all hells break loose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys!!!
> 
> I saw your comments on the last chapter and everyone was so happy while I was reading them like this; .__., knowing that I'm gonna break your hearts with this one! That's why I didn't answer them back, my stupid ass would've exposed myself. 
> 
> Now, is Ben just stupid or stupid? Let me know in the comments! 
> 
> No, but for real. This is one very angsty fic, and you haven't even seen the end of it...
> 
> ~Lenkia


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm super sorry for the late update. The pandemic had really killed my mood and inspiration, so it took me a while to get a grip of myself and do what I love to do. 
> 
> We are strong and we'll manage through! 
> 
> Now let me present to you my very long and late chapter (and the next-last chapter like !!! OmGGGG)
> 
> PLEASE, MIND THE TAGS!!!

Ben buys his first pack of cigarettes after six months of quitting. 

He had been proud of himself, knowing how bad it is for one's health and cursed himself for falling in when the boys had pressured him in taking one once he started the bartender business. Besides the health thing, it wasn’t doing his money any good either and it was kind of nice having money over instead of feeding his addiction. 

Yet, here he is. Lying on his bed with a cigarette between his lips, filling his lungs with toxic while staring into the ceiling with half-closed eyes. 

Six months of hard work had crumbled down in just 5 minutes.

Ben clenched his eyes, feeling his heart painfully ache as he lets his hands run over the sheet he changed about one month ago. It reminds Ben of the blood that was shed and once again, it fills him with guilt. And normally, it should make him feel less bad. It should assure him that what he did was the right choice. He won’t hurt her anymore. Ever again, actually. 

Then why does it feel so fucking wrong? 

Ben takes one last inhale of the stick before throwing it into a half-empty cup of water that’s standing on the floor, filled with the rest of the cigarette butts of 7 weeks of grieving. He turns on the bed and whimpers. Curling into a ball as his phone keeps ringing on the bed table, making the whole thing vibrate. Ben usually ignores the calls and waits on the voicemail instead. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now. 

He’s heartbroken. He knows he has no right to be, he knows that he made the right choice, but he has  _ never  _ felt so miserable in his life. Haven’t felt like this since his parent's betrayal. It’s a feeling of sickness, yet it’s not physical. His muscles don’t ache, but his mind does. 

Ben realizes that he feels…. Lonely. Just as he did when he was a child. 

He sobs, feeling the typical stinging behind his eyelids as he digs his head into the pillow, the phone still vibrating. 

_ This is how Rey must have felt like.  _

But he did the right thing, he reminds himself. How right it felt with her by his side, how nice it felt when she smiled with him and how good it felt when he ran his hands through her undeveloped breasts, it wasn’t ideal. She is too young. Too young. 

Rey will thank him later when she’s older. She will realize that herself when she moves on with her life and gets herself a boy in her age. She’ll understand when she gets her own kids, and then she’ll be as disgusted as the rest of the world. 

He did the right thing, Ben tells himself, as he cried himself to sleep. 

_ “Hey man, uhm… sorry about what happened at the mall, uhm….. I didn’t mean to- or  _ we _ didn’t mean to, like, judge you or anything and- yeah, yeah call me bro!”  _

Ben blinks. Once, twice at the ceiling, laying on his bed like a drugged starfish. Everything around him is kinda dizzy. When was the last time he ate? Or drank a glass of water? 

The next voicemail is introduced with a loud noise.

_ “Hey, Mr. Solo. It’s me, Kaydel. I was just wondering…. Could you- could you come and visit Rey? She isn’t feeling well and you always make her happy. She… I don’t understand. She seemed so great the past few days but now…. Maybe you can cheer her up?” _

Ben's eyes begin to close. He’s exhausted, but he hasn’t done anything for the past few weeks. Just sleeping, crying and sleeping. 

Another voicemail. 

_ “Bro, where are you!? Work started an hour ago, I’m covering your shift. Boss is gonna kill me if he finds out.”  _

Beep. What an annoying sound. 

_ “Hey. Kaydel again... Rey isn’t feeling well, she hasn’t gotten out of bed in a while and… I’m afraid that it’ll be like that last time... Do you have any idea what happened to her? I’m starting to get worried.”  _

Once again, the sound plays and  _ good how many voicemails does he have? _

_ “Ben, I can’t cover much longer. I told Boss that you’re away for ‘family business’. He got so pissed, do you know how much saliva he spat on me while he screamed. I hate that dude, I fucking hate him! He can suck my-” _

Thank God it ended there. 

_ “Have you changed your number? Maybe that’s why you don’t answer... I’m sorry if I’m being a bother but I’m- I’m starting to get scared. Rey isn’t eating or talking and I don’t know what to do! I think… I think I have to call her father-” _

The mailbox is full. 

Ben is watching Fear Factor with a bag of popcorn in his lap. He isn’t really watching, kind of zoomed out while the people on the screen squirm by the sight of the gore of a raccoon. 

The TV, the world, everything, feels grey. Just dull and grey and it makes Ben tired. He hasn’t showered in weeks, hasn’t shaved either and he probably smells like heartbreak and misery. 

It’s weird because he has never been like this after a break-up, never felt so bad and out of place. As his body is here, on his comfortable couch, but not  _ actually _ there.

It must have something to do with the Connection. His heart is aching for the pull of the other end of the string. It can’t live without it, not after he got a taste of it and Ben realizes that it’s a different kind of addiction. Like the cigarettes he smokes, the uncontrollable lust he got after they crossed the line is a different kind. 

Ben closed his eyes, leaning his head back and placed his forearm over his face. 

_ Everything feels wrong.  _

There is a knock on the door, but Ben doesn’t react. He’ll just ignore it, like the calls he has ignored for the last 8 weeks because it’s much better like this. Looked in, away from the rest of the world, which doesn’t come with anything but misery. Just... dull, grey. 

Without Rey-

Another knock. Ben blinks. 

Then another. 

And another. 

And it continues like that for minutes until it startles him enough to react and it doesn’t slow down. Ben panics, not wanting to open the damn door, but his neighbors will freak out if it continues much longer and in pure frustration, Ben hurries to the door and opens it. 

“What the fuck?” 

Ben groans loudly when he sees that fucking brat again, together with his girlfriend. What was her name again? 

Finn looks away annoyed, rolling his eyes and staring at his Jordans angry. As if he has been dragged to his doorway by the ear, which seems to be the case. Ben glance at the girl who sighs in relief. She looks worried, her eyes are wide in frustration and she even looks a bit ashamed. 

It takes a few minutes for everything to click. Ben’s brain hasn’t worked for the last 9 weeks and when he sees their guilt-ridden faces and nervous body language, it finally connects. Ben has to think a few minutes before he remembers who the girl is. 

Then he does.

“Rose…”, Ben whispers under his breath. 

“Mr. Solo!”, she answers back with forced enthusiasm. “I’m glad you answered.” 

Ben’s eyes turn small because he hasn’t forgotten what they did to Rey. She never told him directly what happened, but seeing her cry in his lap and shake in sorrow was enough for him to understand. They hurt her and he doesn’t give a fuck if they are teenagers, he will destroy them for breaking his soulmates heart. 

But he isn’t the one to talk… he broke hers too. 

“I don’t know what happened between you and Rey,” Ben spits through clenched teeth, and both the children's eyes widen in fear, slowly shrinking in place. “But if you ever hurt her again, I swear to God-”

“What are you gonna do, huh?! Hit us? I’ll sue you!”, Finn screams in anger, raising his head and flexing his muscles in manly pride. Ready to fight. 

Before Ben can react, Rose seems to read his mind. She turns to Finn and slaps him so hard across the face the boy loses balance, hitting the wall with a loud cry. Ben’s jaw drops when the girl screams in annoyance, pointing a finger to the boy now humble and ashamed. 

“Shut up, you dickhead!”, Rose spits, red in the face and Ben is sure that his neighbors will report his ass now. “I told you to be quiet, we are here to save Rey, you idiot-” 

“‘Save’?”, Ben says after her, completely dumbfounded. 

Rose turns to Ben again, suddenly remembering why they’re here and she abruptly takes a grip of his hands. Hard and persistent as she looks at him with panicked eyes, shaking his palms in alarm. 

“Mr. Solo, Rey’s father came back and he’s going to put Rey in a mental facility!”, Rose cries, eyes wide in fright and shiny with unshed tears. “Kaydal had no choice! Rey hasn’t left her bed for more than a month and Kaydel panicked. She called Finn and me and asked us to get you. You weren’t answering your phone!” 

It takes a few seconds for everything to process in Ben’s head. He stares at the girl, lips parted and eyes wide in shock. Every word she said feels strange, alien. As if it’s not English that’s being spoken and it’s not actually his soulmate they’re talking about and it’s  _ not true, this can’t be true his mailbox was full and Ben didn’t even bother to care, what is going on, what is happening- _

“Mr. Solo, I know what we did was unforgivable.”, Rose sobs, tears running down her face as she shakes in guilt. “Rey didn’t deserve it, she doesn’t deserve anything that has happened to her. The group didn’t like her because she wasn’t so damn  _ stupid _ like us! Our parents fill our pockets with money because they’re guilty of being so shitty father and mothers, and we just accepted it and turned blind by stuff like partying and shopping.” Rose shakes her head, whimpering in frustration and regret as she wipes her tears angry. 

“But Rey wasn’t blind. She wasn’t stupid like us. She knew all of that wasn’t real and we hated that she saw the truth! We hated it when she  _ finally _ found something real, something we didn’t have. A soulmate.” 

Rose grip turns tighter around his hands and she cries, heartbroken.

“You are the only thing real to her, Mr. Solo. Please help her!” 

Ben stares at her, for seconds, minutes. 

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what to do. 

But his heart does. It knows exactly what to do. It only has one way to go, and it’s the lead that follows the string attached to his heart. That goes and goes until it reaches the other end. His other half. 

It’s his heart that leads him when Ben suddenly realizes that he’s no longer standing in front of Rose, or by his apartment anymore. 

He’s running, noticing his legs moving, the air sweeping by his ears and hand clutching his car keys. He doesn’t feel anything, hear anything or see anything but Rey. 

He has to save her. 

Ben zoned out. 

He doesn’t remember opening the car. Doesn’t remember driving either. How he managed to be alive and not in a car accident is a miracle, but he stopped by the red light and used the flashers when he had to. All while he, like an empty shell, thought of Rose words. It echoed in his head while he had his eyes stuck on the road, trying to process it because it still hasn’t.

Everything is happening so fast, he can’t follow, but his heart can and it’s like an excited dog, dragging his owner to it’s wanted destination.

When Ben wakes up, back again in reality and not in a trance with Rose’s cries pounding in his head, he blinks a few times and feels his environment turn real. 

He’s sitting in his car, his ice-cold fingers around the wheel and sweat running down his forehead. Soft car-seat under him, mouth dry and shoulders tense. It felt as if he wasn’t even connected to his brain, as if his body moved without him. But now, he’s back. Alive. 

Ben closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the wheel. Swallowing audibly. 

_ He’s alive. He’s present again.  _

Some kind of half-hearted relief fills him and Ben lets out a shaky exhale, his heavy breath turning into steam as he tries to calm his racing heart. 

_ That was fucking scary. _

But the calm won’t last long. 

Ben opens his eyes, ready for what’s about to come when he sees it. 

His heart stops to beat and his breath hitches, forehead still resting on the wheel. 

Staring right at the pink package that Rey placed between the two car seats. It’s exactly and perfectly untouched. Just as she left it. 

Unopened. 

A sudden scream, a scream Ben knows all too well by now, startles him and he immediately looks out the window. It’s not a surprise that his heart leads him to Rey’s house, car parked right outside the mansion. But what surprises him is the van with the animated, red flower on. A smiley face on the damn flower and under it stands a childish writing; 

‘ _ Youth Mental Facility - we care for our children’.  _

Ben stares at it completely dumbfounded, then at the three staff wearing white standing beside the van, who roll their eyes and mutters annoyed while nodding towards the open front door, where the screaming comes from. The door looks like it has been slammed open like someone just busted in and Ben’s string starts to tug. So violently and sudden that Ben almost gags, placing his hand over his chest in panic and next comes the anxiety, that hits harder than a slap and runs down his body like quick-sand. 

But nothing,  _ nothing, _ equalize the fear that bubbles in his stomach, like hard, big rocks punishing his organs.

Pure despair clogs every vein in Ben’s body when he realizes that this is how Rey feels. He heaves, for he suddenly can't breathe and a sob escapes his mouth. 

_ Save me!  _

Ben hears another scream and before he can think, he already out of his car. He doesn’t even close the door before he runs towards the string attached to his heart. The staff standing by the van stare at him shocked when he runs past them, and he doesn’t even acknowledge when one of them yells after him that he isn’t allowed inside. If Ben had time, he would have turned around and beaten him, but he needs to save Rey.

Ben stumbles into the house, is about to rush towards her room when he freezes in place. 

His eyes widen, his lips part in horror and the gasp leaving his mouth is loud and shaky, horrified by the sight that startles him to the core when another loud, heart-shaking shriek makes the whole ground vibrate. 

Before him, right in the hallway, sits two more staff wearing white. They’re holding, no,  _ pressing,  _ Rey down against the ground, both her arms behind her back in a tight grip and his soulmate is fighting.  _ Screaming _ . Face pushed and voice muffled into the dirty floor, her cries and pleadings completely silenced as if she’s a delinquent caught by the police right in an illegal act. Her naked legs are flying everywhere. She’s just wearing a thin nightgown as if they’d just snatched her from the bed. Her bare feet are trying to crawl and kick her way to freedom but the staff keeps holding her down annoyed, knees resting on her back and pressing her stomach down. 

_ Hard. _

“Let me go, no dad  _ no _ ! Kaydel, save me, Kaydel!”, she pleads through heartbreaking cries, snot and tears running down her red, flushed face. Eyes dark with circles and cheek bruised caused by the hard grip around her neck, pressing her face to the ground. The staff huff loudly at her fighting and their faces are covered with blood-filled scratches and they keep pressing and pushing and Ben’s eyes lands on Rey’s father who’s standing by the door eagerly and impatient, sighing while glaring at his wrist and Kaydel is crying beside him, trembling and devastated. Powerless, knowing that there is nothing she can do and Rey is screaming and fighting and crying and so gone in trying to break free and not get thrown into a facility, that she doesn’t even notice Ben’s presence or her heart tugging. 

Something in Ben breaks,  _ snaps. _

It’s the sight of his soulmate in danger that makes him see red. The animalistic urge to save his mate that makes all kind of logic leave his mind. You’d think that it’s only natural for anyone to try to save a girl in this situation, yet five spectators have done nothing but to stare. 

The last time Ben punched someone in the face was when he had been an angry teenager, so it was a long time ago. Yet he remembers how to clench his hand and how to hit when his fist makes contact with the first face. 

The poor staff flies across the room, his cries echoing in the hallway before he hits the floor. Both palms covering his destroyed nose and before the other white-clothed man can react, Ben punches him right in the stomach, making him double over before pushing him as hard as Ben can, making him join his friend on the ground for them to grieve their bruises. They don’t for long though, both of them crawling up before running out the room completely frightened. 

Rey immediately reaches for Ben, her body trembling violently and sobs heavy in complete fright and claustrophobia, coughing and crying his name as she tries to gain back her breath. Ben doesn’t even cast her a look, he takes her in his arms hurriedly. Almost snatching her towards him like an obsessed animal, landing on his knees and pushing her into his chest. He knows he should give her space, but he can’t. He  _ needs _ her, he needs to know that she’s safe now. Rey sobs loudly, gripping his shirt with both hands for dear life as she cries his name, bawling into his neck. Tears and sweat staining him, but he has never cared less, he realizes as he closes his eyes. Digging his nose in her dirty hair and whispering over and over again that  _ it’s alright, he’s here, he’s got her now _ . Their eyes still haven’t met, so his heart is still snatching and jumping painfully in his chest. 

But he doesn’t mind. Not one bit. 

“What is the meaning of this!?”

Ben opened his eyes slowly, his anger still boiling inside of him as Rey keeps trembling against his chest like a frozen kitten. The assaulted staff hasn’t even  _ touched _ the surface of the ocean of rage that flows inside him, Ben realizes, when he heard Mr. Niima's angered voice echo in the hallway. 

Like a hawk, Ben’s neck snatch towards his prey. The man’s face is flushed in outrage and before Ben can open his mouth, Kaydel interrupts in a panic. 

“I called him, Mr. Niima!”, she cries, gripping her maid dress with both her palms in complete fear and guilt, lowering her face ashamed, voice filled with unshed tears. “Mr. Solo understands Rey best and I thought that he could wake her up before- I just can’t see Ms. Niima being thrown into a facility, I can’t! She’s- she’s like a daughter to me!”, Kaydel sobs. 

Ben feels Rey slowly turn her head against his chest, staring at her maid with trembling lips. 

“Kaydel…”, Rey hiccups and Ben can only hug her tighter in comfort. 

Mr. Niima sighs in annoyance, massaging his temple like Kaydel’s betrayal is the  _ worst _ part of today, before blurting out easily;

“Ms. Connix, you’re fired.” 

The maid snatches her head up, her eyes wide in shock and despair. Ben wears the same face, for he would never suspect this outcome. Kaydel has been like a mother for Rey and taken care of her since she was a little child. Ben can only think of Chewie in this same scenario, feeling his heart crack, and before anyone could open their mouth, Rey cries low.

“No, dad-”

“Be quiet, Rey!” 

“B-but, sir!”, Kaydel stutters completely shaken, eyes glazed with tears. “I’ve worked for you for almost 20 years! I’ve taken care of Rey since she could walk, how-” 

Mr. Niima raises his hand, rudely interrupting her before pointing at Ben as if he’s not human enough to be addressed. 

“ _ This _ has developed into something _dreadful_ right under your nose, and you haven’t done  _ anything _ about it!” 

“Ben…”, Rey’s low voice whispers against his chest, and Ben is too busy to notice how her grip slowly starts to weaken. 

“Sir!”, Kaydel cries. “Their relationship is innocent, Ms. Niima has assured that to me and I believe in her!” A shower of shame wash over Ben, knowing that he made Rey lie to her. 

“Ben,”, Rey sobs again. “Ben, I’m not feeling well…-” 

“You can’t believe her, knowing that she’s baring her mother's damn genes!” Mr. Niima screams through clenched teeth and Rey’s small, painful whimpers are unnoticeable over the rush of fury that blinds Ben.

“You motherfucker!” Ben let’s go of Rey and walks up towards Mr. Niima, his jaw clenched as tight as his fists. Kaydel shrieks in alarm, knowing that Ben may get charged for assault if he does something, and right now, Ben isn’t sure himself. “Who the fuck do you think you are talking about? That’s your fucking daughter! Kaydel has raised her better than you ever could, her own damn father!”, Ben spits, his face only inches away from Mr. Niimas. “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

“And you shouldn’t!?” Ben froze, startled. Mr. Niima notices, causing him to smile. A wicked, sinister grin. “ _ Using _ a 16-year old girl? Mr. Solo… With the help of some dollars, that’s  _ at least _ 10 years in prison.” 

Ben heaves, his fist shaking in ire and the urge to punch when Mr. Niima starts to chuckle, his grin growing wider and more of a mocking than a threat. Ben’s eyes start to twitch, biting his lips in an attempt to calm himself down and not burst like a volcano, knowing that once again, money is the reason for his downfall. It’s always the damn money!

“Kaydel…” 

Ben’s so busy trying to not kill this man, that he almost doesn’t notice Rey’s weak, wincing voice. It startles all three of them, forgetting Rey in their own anger and fear. 

They turn their head towards her, and Ben sense a different kind of horror. 

Rey’s standing, barely being able to hold her balance, if it wasn’t for her spreading her bare feet slightly over the floor. She’s heaving, small cries escaping her parted, chapped lips and she’s clutching her abdomen, gripping the nightgown tightly. 

“I’m n-not feeling well…”, she cries, and Ben feels his heart start to race in fear, his throat tightening in dread when she clenches her eyes, helpless whimpers turning louder and pain causing her knees to quiver. “It hurts... Help me, it hu...” 

Rey’s voice fades away into silence and she becomes deadly quiet, as does the three of them, watching the girl's expression change with dread. 

A layer of cold sweat covers her face, together with paleness, a slight shade of green and lastly, terror. She lowers her gaze slowly, staring at the area between her legs and Ben, just like the rest of them, follow her eyes. 

A drop of blood land on the floor and the sound of the red droplet hit the ground, echoes against the walls. 

A few seconds of complete shock and horrifying silence sweeps through the room. The sight is so shocking that they can do nothing but to stare at the stained area between Rey’s legs with parted lips before another drop joins the floor. Then one more. Then another. 

Then the drops suddenly turn into a stream of blood, flowing out of Rey like a tap, causing her to cry in a panic. 

That’s when everyone's broken out of their shocked trance and chaotic explodes. 

“Rey!”, Kaydel screams, running towards Rey who snatch her head up, eyes wide and body starting to shake violently just as her breath. 

“W-what is happening?!” She’s having a panic attack, dragging her hands against her inner thighs while heaving loudly. “_Kaydel_-” 

Only to face fingers covered in blood, pouring down her forearms like water. 

The sight is enough. 

Her lids suddenly turn heavy, eyes rolling to the back of her head. She whimpers as her knees give in, and Kaydel is there the second for Rey to faint into her embrace. 

“Rey!”, Kaydel cries, her voice shaky as she lowers her body to the ground, tears streaming down her face before screaming over her shoulder. “Call an ambulance, now!” 

“Fuck!”, Rey’s father screams before running out of the room. 

He already has the phone pressed against his ear and demanding the best treatment for his daughter. Kaydel is crying by Rey’s unconscious body, hugging her and telling her to stay strong. 

Ben is standing right in front of Rey. Right in front of the pool of blood that continues to grow bigger, and he thinks that has never felt this powerless in his whole life. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone kept asking whenever there is a HEA or not and I CAN'T LIE so I couldn't answer your comments, but here it is! The last chapter! Now you'll get to see it for yourself 
> 
> p.s, you won't be disappointed ;) I hope so lol

**2 years later**

“Can I please get a Dry Martini? Two olives, slightly shaken ?” 

Ben turns around, still wiping his hand on a towel when he sees a well-dressed lady smile over the counter. Probably a lawyer, her legs crossed with pointy black heels and blazer matching her tight-fit skirt. Her direct, yet gentle voice, only proves his point. The lawyer fits by the bar perfectly, as if they’re doing a commercial for the Grand Hotel. 

“Dry Martini coming right up!”, Ben smiles, causing the lady to chuckle before he turns around to fix the drink. Humming for himself all while the soft, low jazz music is being played over the first floor of the hotel bar and restaurant. 

Ben did himself well, he thinks as he shakes the Martini slightly. He did the right decision when he decided to quit Order First two years ago. That awful bar and club were filled with wild, over-hyped teenagers who puked by the entrance and spilled drinks all the time, making the floor sticky. Not to mention Ben’s fucking boss, who loved to remind him how old he was and how unfitting he was for a club. With it’s pounding, remix music, fog, and dark, flashing lights. 

Ben figured out that his boss was right. 

He couldn’t handle it anymore. Headaches every night and the unreasonable working hours. It was only Hux that pretty much held him back, wanting his best friend by his side. 

But Ben can’t lie, headaches and working hours weren’t the only reason he quit. 

After… after  _ that _ , nothing mattered anymore. Not Hux, not payment. Ben needed to leave. 

What else could be better if not a new job in a whole new city? 

Ben quickly realized that being a bartender wasn’t just for shitty clubs in a shitty environment. It was also fancy, calm bars. Like this one. 

The Grand Resistance Hotel is a five-star hotel that offers the best of rooms and the best of food and drinks. It was almost a dream when Ben got a call from the manager, claiming that he got the job as the new bartender of the hotel bar. 

Now, his evenings consist of low, elevator music, mannered guests, and a black vest together with a tuxedo fly. 

It couldn’t be any better. 

“For the lady.” Ben serves the drink to the lady, who thanks him before slowly sipping on the drink. Satisfied, she puts it down before leaning on her chair. 

“A handsome man like you working on a Saturday night? What’s that about?”, she asks, one eyebrow raised, causing Ben to chuckle.

“Well, there is nothing for ‘a handsome man like me’ to do sadly.” 

“No friends?” The lawyer bites her lip playfully, twisting a blond sling of hair between her fingers. “No… ladies?” 

Ben’s smile disappears as fast as it came and anxiety creeps upon him like a dark shadow. Suffocating him, as it has for two years now. 

“No. No ladies.” Ben turns around, not even managing to read the lady’s expression before his back is towards her, busying himself with cutting limes. Showing clearly that the conversation is over. 

* * *

_ Ben hates hospitals, he hates it.  _

_ The smell of overly clean, the way-too-white lights, the extreme emotions of hope or despair. Never anything in between, it’s either this or that. And it’s often despair.  _

_ That’s what Ben feels when he sees his soulmate unconscious on a hospital bed. Heart monitor beside her and wearing a white dress of some sort. Wires and needles connected to her body, chest heaving slowly and eyes fluttering under the lids. She’s dreaming, just as he is gone in a reverie. All while the nurse explains that she lost a lot of blood, that she needs many hours of rest.  _

_ That the miscarriage was for the better. Her young and petite body probably wouldn’t make it, anyways.  _

_ The nurse explains, all while Mr. Niima and Kaydel glares at Ben with such hatred in their eyes, and Ben wants the ground under him to open up and swallow him whole.  _

* * *

“Look how cute he is,  _ look how cute he is! _ ”, Hux screams, his camera coming closer to the poor baby sleeping in his mother's arms, and Ben can’t help but cringe. 

“Let the poor baby sleep, Hux. God, stop pushing your phone into his mouth!”

“Eh, he’ll be fine, right babe?” Bazine loudly whispers  _ no _ which Hux ignores flawlessly. “Besides, he sleeps way too much. I’ve never seen a baby so peaceful.”

Neither has Ben. He stares at Hux and Bazine’s boy with adoring eyes, the child wrapped in baby blue blankets and small clenched wrist resting by its cheeks. Facetime makes the picture quite blurry, but Ben can imagine how soft his red cheeks must be. The same shade as his hair.

Ben sighs, leaning back on the couch and sipping on a Cola, popcorn in the same hand and the other holding the phone. It’s one hell of a cute baby.

“Figured out a name yet?”, Ben asks as he puts his feet on the stool, crossing them. 

“Nope. Bazine’s grandmother of a witch-”

“ _ Hux! _ ”

“Hates me  _ and _ my suggestions. I swear, that woman hated me the moment she laid eyes on me- Babe, you remember our wedding? She told me I was offspring of the devil, why the hell did she say that!?” 

“Hux, she was standing behind us when you told me that you’d ‘fuck me so good that my organs would rearrange’-”

“I did not say that!”

“That sounds like something you would say.”, Ben adds, chewing on his popcorn. He’s faced by an angry, looking Hux on his screen, whispering between clenched teeth that Ben should fuck off, causing him to laugh together with Bazine, who’s dying in the background. Suddenly, a cry of a baby interrupts the moment and Hux panics and promise to call back tomorrow before he hangs up. 

Ben stares at the black screen with a half-hearted smile. 

Hux is only three hours away from him, yet he seems so far away. So out of place.

But Ben is used to it. It has been like this for two years. 

He’s used to it. Being so... uncomplete. 

* * *

_ The police come to investigate the moment Rey is brought to the hospital. For about five minutes, Ben is handcuffed and pressed into the wall as Connection Investigator does their jobs and lookup if Ben and Rey are soulmates.  _

_ Because if they aren’t, Ben would have been thrown into jail as a sex offender.  _

_ Mr. Niima is standing further away, phone pressed against his ear. Hissing and spitting angrily while glaring at Ben now and then and Kaydel is sitting on the floor, eyes blank and staring into the ground, all while the police and investigators chit-chat. Waiting for the results. Completely ignoring Ben, who’s cheek is pressed into the wall.  _

_ He doesn’t even bother fighting, or insisting that this is unnecessary.  _

_ He just closes his eyes. Ignoring the worried nurses walking by, whispering to each other, or asking the police what’s going on. Ben knew that he did wrong, realized it the moment he dropped the emergency pill and saw his friend's expression. And he should be punished for it, he doesn’t deserve any peace.  _

_ But his heart is screaming and revolting in pure grief. It wants Rey,  _ he _ wants Rey, by his side. Because he can feel her sadness and worry through the Connection, even if she’s unconscious and he just needs to be there for her and ask for forgiveness. Because what he did was wrong, but the mistakes are on  _ him  _ and not Rey. She doesn’t deserve this, any of this, and he needs to apologize. _

_ But that isn’t enough... _

_ “It’s positive.”, the investigator sings, staring at her tabler. “They’re soulmates.”  _

_ And just like that, he’s uncuffed. The police apologize impersonal, robotically telling him that it’s a procedure that needs to be done for the safety of the minors before leaving. The Investigator briefly explains that their connection is now registered by the government and that they may proceed with their relationship as normal, then they’re gone too.  _

_ It’s fucked how you can get away with it because of a connection. _

_ Ben stares at the door were they just exited, and the moment it closes after them, Ben turns around fast to get to Rey.  _

_ She’s in a room one floor up, he can get there faster if he takes the stair- _

_ “Don’t fucking move.”  _

_ Ben stops and looks down, didn’t even notice Mr. Niima in front of him in his own hurry, and the man looks pissed, eyes small and lips pressed into one, faded line. Blood vessels popping out from his forehead and face scarlet red. Whatever scheme he had for Ben, clearly didn’t go through. _

_ Ben should feel thankful for that, but he doesn’t. He just wants to go to Rey.  _

_ “Please…”, Ben whispers with a shaky breath, feeling his body start to tremble. “Please, let me go. I need to see her.” _

_ “You saw her before, it’s enough.” Mr. Niima huffs, giving Kaydel a glance, who’s still sitting on the floor completely gone and distant, before his eyes lands back on him. As if he doesn’t want her or anyone to hear. “Remember my offer, Mr. Solo?” _

_ Ben doesn’t even have time to register what he means before the man digs out a thick, beige envelope from his blazer and shoves it into Ben’s chest. He takes it in his palms before it slips to the ground, and even if it’s just paper, he can feel the worth of its content. Heavy in his hands and his breath hitches. The amount is enormous to Ben but ridiculously little to Mr. Niima. _

_ Then Ben remembers. Sitting in front of Mr. Niima in his office, with sweaty palms and rage, as he tried to bribe him into leaving Rey. Leaving the city. _

_ “This time, I’m not offering. I’m  _ demanding. _ ” Ben slowly raises his head to face Mr. Niima whose eyes shine with loathe and disgust. “Take the money and  _ leave! _ ”  _

_Ben left._   


* * *

It is a busy night tonight. 

It was Saturday, which always meant that the guests of the hotel would linger extra long at the bar and enjoy a drink or a few. Not only was it the hotel guest, but The Grand Resistance Hotel was also famous around town for its fancy bar and restaurant, so non-guests in their best cocktail dresses and blazers filled the bar too. 

Ben didn’t mind. It only meant extra tip and the volume would never exceed more than he could handle. He worked at a nightclub before, he could handle a few ladies laughing a pitch louder than normal. 

As Ben shook a drink between his palms, he looked across the bar. People looked the best with drinks in their hands, leaning against tables and chit-chatting over the soft Jazz-music. Ben truly felt happy with this job. It’s so peaceful, so nice to nod and smile at the people pouring in through the doors and welcoming them. He often did that, the boss wanted them to keep an eye on unwelcome guests, such as drunks or minors. 

“Hey, Ben! Could you go get some limes from the back?”, his co-worker asked over his shoulder, busy with orders. Ben raised his eyebrow. 

“You okay with being by yourself for a minute?” It takes time to get to the basement and there were only him and his co-worker who was working tonight. A young boy who recently finished bartender school, always too busy with making the drinks perfect to notice anything around him. Even unwelcomed guests. 

“Yeah, just- hurry! I have like three tequilas to do!” 

Ben rolled his eyes and hurried his way to the limes. He got back a few minutes later and his stressed coworker snatched them from his hand, causing Ben to chuckle for himself. He probably was that frantic in his age too. 

“Hey!” Ben lifted his head and smiled at the girl leaning over the counter, immediately noticing her young features. She pushed her glasses up her nose and tilted her head. “Could I get two Cosmo’s?” 

“I’m sorry, but I have to check your ID.” The girl looked offended. 

“But I’m 18!”

“ _ And  _ I have to look at your friend's ID too.” The girl huffed again, digging in her purse after her card. 

“Who says that those two drinks aren’t for me?” Ben raised his eyebrows in a quiet way of saying ‘we both know that’s not true’, causing the girl to roll her eyes defeated. “Fine!” 

She turned around to calls for her friend. 

“Rey, come and show your ID!” 

Ben kept staring at the girl calling for her friend with a dropped jaw, thinking his mind is playing a trick on him. Because there is no way she said her name. No, no it must’ve been ‘Jay’ or ‘Grey’ or something, it can’t be Rey. 

Then, Ben feels something. Something he hasn’t felt in two years, the disturbing feeling not missed, but certainly a comforting one. Or, at least it was. 

The string in his heart starts to tug. 

Ben gasps, his eyes widening as he places a hand over his chest.  _ No, no!  _ This can’t be real. Rey can’t be here! She can’t be-

“Don’t scream, Jessika! You’re embarrassing us-”

Ben looks up and the tugging stops. 

He’s met by wide, doe-looking eyes staring right at him. Their faces match, both equally shocked with parted lips and pale faces. She was interrupted right in her sentence by the shock, completely alarmed by the sight of him. But besides her wide, terrified hazel eyes, there is something else that Ben can’t help but notice. 

She’s… beautiful. 

Not even that word can describe how he thinks when he sees her behind the bar counter, wearing a pink, tight dress. She’s grown taller, a few inches, and her face isn’t round anymore. It's sharp, jawlines defined and cheekbones high and even her curves seem to have grown wider. Filling out the dress that matches the high heels she wears, and the eyeshadow on her eyelids. 

The whole thing causes Ben’s heart to break. 

Because here Rey is. Two years later. And she’s turned into a beautiful young, woman. Without him. 

Everything around them seems to have faded away and her friend seems confused by the sudden silence between them. It’s not until Rey’s eyes turn blank, and a small sob escapes her full lips, that she turns around and leaves. 

“Rey!”, Ben screams after her, almost jumping over the counter to catch up with her. Not giving a shit about his stressed co-worked working by himself. He’s too focused on his orders to notice Ben running from his work and Ben only wants to talk to her. To just… to just say something! He doesn’t know what and he doesn’t care that he’s following her to the restroom and before she can lock herself in, Ben pushed them inside and does it for her.

She panics and reached for the handle, wanting to leave. Heavy sobs escaping her lips and arm trembling.

“Rey, stop!”, Ben says, blocking the handle with his body and the cramped space makes it all to easier. “We need to talk-”

“Let me go! There is nothing to be said!”, she screams, head lowered. Refusing to meet his eyes. “You showed me that perfectly!”

“Rey, Rey please!”, Ben pleads, feeling his chin starting to tremble in alarm. He doesn’t even know what to say, how to ask for forgiveness after doing the most awful thing you could possibly do. Ben needs her to calm down, so they can leave this cramped space and _really_ talk without screaming and crying.

“No, don’t touch me!”, Rey spits, pushing his palm from her shoulder. He didn’t even notice that he’d touch her. “It was  _ you _ who left!  _ You  _ who took the money, so why the fuck would you say anything now-”

“What...?” Ben whispers, completely dumbfounded. Did he just hear her right?

Rey looks up at him for the first time, eyes flashing with anger and repulse. It reminds him of that night when he had pushed her against the wall in pure jealousy. He expected her to shrink in place, but she only grew in pure rage. 

“You left me!”, she screams, and how much she tries to fight it, tears spill from her eyes and she bares her teeth. Only for a second, Ben realizes that her voice has matured too. Changed into something as perfect as music. It was a melody every time she talked. Even if it was to hurt him. “You took my dad's money and you left-” 

Ben takes a hard grip around her wrist, causing her to gasp in surprise, and then he leans forward. Their foreheads almost bumping and it surprises Rey even more. She stops to breathe.

“Rey…”, Ben whispers, causing her to take a shaky inhale. Eyes never leaving his. “I never took the money. I didn’t even think about it for one second. Please, believe me!” 

Rey stares at him for minutes, the same anger that once bubbled in her slowly deflated and transformed into confusion. 

“B-but… but father told me- he told me you took it. Kaydel said you did too…” 

“No…” Something wet is running down his cheeks, uncontrollable tears escaping. But the weight of the truth has been killing him for almost two years. The truth that has caused Rey heartbreak and hate, and have been torturing him. He can’t help but feel some kind of relief of finally telling her. Finally seeing her.

Finally being complete. 

“Rey, if I didn’t leave the city, leave you, he… your father would’ve sent you away. And put me in prison.” 

* * *

_ “Do you know how easy it would be?”, Mr. Niima chuckles as Ben continues to hold the bundle of money against his chest, before slowly raising his head to stare at the devil itself. Looking smug and proud. Powerful. “Do you know how easy it would be? To convince everyone that Rey is mentally unstable? I mean, look at her! She hasn’t left the bed in three months, she had a miscarriage. One meeting and  _ boom _ , she is insane!” He takes one step forward. “ _

_ Then, I’d go straight to the police station. I’ll report you, for  _ raping _ my mentally ill daughter who was in no power to consent…”  _

_ Ben swallows, feeling the rage boil inside of him like never before. If he could only just hit this man. Just one time, right in the face, he’d feel some kind of justice, but it would never compare to what he actually wanted to do with him.  _

_ He wants to kill him. Tear him apart with his bare hands. For talking about Rey like that. For treating her like that. For hurting her, when she never deserved it.  _

_ But Ben could stand here and think about how much he wants to destroy him all he wants. In the end, it didn’t matter. Because this, this will never be about feelings, emotions, morality. It is about money, power, greed. For Ben, the untouchable, and for Mr. Niima, the only thing he can touch. This is his world, his game, his rules. And Ben, Ben is just living in it.  _

_ The same anger that boiled in him, converted to grief instead. Hard, stinging grief once Ben finally understood the reality of this. Mr. Niima wasn’t just talking. He’d do it. He’d throw Rey into a facility and let her rot there. Ben doesn’t care about what happened to him, but Rey… _

_ Ben starts to cry.  _

_ Right there, right in the middle of a hospital. In front of Mr. Niima and Kaydel. He starts to really fucking cry, knowing that he has to leave her. He has to leave the city and never look back. Has to live with the fact that he’d leave his soulmate who just had a miscarriage. Live with the fact that she’d think he left willingly. Live with the fact that she’d hate him. And he’d hate himself.  _

_ Mr. Niima stares bored at Ben as he tries to collect himself, sobbing and wiping his tears. He looks up at him with swollen eyes and bared his teeth before throwing the money into Mr. Niima's chest, causing him to stumble back. Surprised by the force.  _

_ “I love her!”, Ben screams through clenched teeth, making Mr. Niima’s eyes widen. “I  _ fucking  _ love her! Rey doesn’t deserve you… She doesn’t deserve someone as poor as you!”  _

_ Then Ben left, and his heart screamed for him to take the stairs up.  _

_ Ben took the stairs down instead.  _   


* * *

Rey stared out the ocean, the waves screaming and winds causing her hair to fly behind her. She’s gripping the rail hard, her knuckles ivory white and Ben wants to warm them between his palms and protect her from the autumn cold that recently swept in. But after what he had told her, after everything they went through, he needs to give her space. He needs to take a step back. 

After telling Rey the truth in the restroom, he had told her that he’d tell her everything and that they should go somewhere private and talk. Rey had agreed and soon, they both left the hotel. Of course, Rey had informed her friends that she’d leave and Ben had told his co-worker too, who glared at him angrily. But there would be no problem finding someone to take over. Everyone wanted the extra money you’d collect a Saturday night. 

They somehow walked all the way to the shore in silence, the only empty space in the entire city tonight. The place was crawling with drunk teenagers and screaming adult partying. It only made sense they were there, standing in front of the ocean. Alone.

And then, Ben told her everything. About the hospital visit, about Mr. Niima’s demand and Kaydel’s cold glares. Rey hadn’t said anything, only stared out the ocean with a blank face as he spoke and when he was finished, she continued to stare. To process. 

In the meantime, Ben admired her. Her new, matured face and he realizes that he wasn’t a pervert then, back when she was 16. Because he finds her as equally beautiful as she is now. And he probably will think so too when she keeps getting older. It didn’t matter the age. In the end, they have a Connection. They are soulmates. They were destined to be attracted to one another. To love-

It startles him when Rey finally turns her head towards him, her eyes blank and saddened. She takes a heavy inhale. 

“When I woke up, and father told me you took the money and left, I didn’t believe him.” Rey gives him a half-hearted smile. “I started to scream, called him a liar. I even jumped out of the hospital bed to hit him. I think I’ve never been that angry before. But then Kaydel confirmed. I had no choice but to believe in it… Father sent me to therapy after. For three months. But I came to the same conclusion as you did. It helped me a lot.” Ben swallows. 

“‘Sometimes, we are only left with questions with answers we’ll never know…’” Ben mumbles, repeating what his therapist had told him 17 years ago. Rey nodded, staring at the angry ocean.

“I’m sorry, Rey…”, Ben whispers, barely heard over the waves shouting. Voice weak and unstable. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize, Ben.” It’s the first time she had said his name and it causes his heart to swell. She smiles once again “As soon as I turned 18, I left. My friends, Kaydel, the house. I couldn’t stand it. Everything there was connected to the past. I’m alive, I’m living in the now. I had to move on with my life.”

Ben can’t believe what he’s hearing, he can only stare at his soulmate with sad eyes. He knew that they were connected for a reason. They both had a similar childhood, they were both lonely and Ben had done everything to prevent a familiar destiny for Rey. 

Yet, her life turned out just like his. So similar, with the therapy, the conclusion, and leaving home. The toxic. It’s disturbingly bizarre. 

“And here you are…”, Ben adds, causing Rey to laugh at the irony of it. Them, together once again. As if their hearts had planned it together behind their backs. 

“I’m going to College here.” She chuckles, wrinkling her nose. “Nursing program. I want to help people. I like helping people.” 

Ben can’t stop admiring her beauty, her aura. She’s so fucking beautiful. No dark circles, hollow cheeks, depressed state. Just pure happiness surrounding her. A young woman who has found herself. 

Rey is shining. His soulmate is shining and he’s so proud of her. Of seeing her grow and blooming like a flower. 

Ben sobs, lips turning into a smile. He hasn’t smiled in two years. 

“I’m so proud of you, Rey. I’m so fucking proud of you.” 

Rey grins, face turning red, chuckling in comical embarrassment before she starts to cry. Body trembling, she covers her face with a palm as if she’s relieved, happy to finally be someone to be proud of. She has no one to depend on then herself and Ben knows how it feels. To be young and a hard-worked without any acknowledgment. He never wants her to feel like that again. 

Ben can’t help himself. He takes her in his arms, into a big hug and Rey immediately hugs back. It feels like energy is running through them and sparkling like a firework. It’s the feeling of right. The feeling of completeness. Her heartbeat and quivering body against his. 

Ben doesn’t want anything else but this.

“We were both put in an awful situation. I realized that now.”, Rey mumbles against his chest, once she’s calmed down. She leans out and rolls her lips between her teeth, hesitating to say something before she does. “It… It must have been awful for you. You didn’t want a relationship, but you felt obliged to have one anyway. The Connection isn’t something we can control, you were vexed by it and then you weren’t. Causing you all that guilt, once morality came back. That’s why you left me many times.” 

Ben stares at her completely dumbfounded and Rey chuckled by his expression. “Or that’s what my therapist says, anyway.” 

It’s probably something she has repeated for herself many times when she felt lonely and doubted herself. Ben’s heart breaks a little.

“Right…”, Ben whispers, chuckling with her. 

“And I was too young to realize that. I thought that you didn’t want to be with me. I thought that you hated me. I didn’t understand that you were as conflicted as me, but now I do. I never blamed you for anything. And I’m sorry. For putting you in that situation, for trying to find you earlier than faith had decided for us. I’m so, so sorry.” Rey laughs, wiping tears from her eyes. “Who knows, maybe today was the day we were supposed to meet. At that bar, asking for my ID.” 

Ben laughs too, sobbing and wiping his tears that have collected under his chin. 

“You don’t know how much that means to me, Rey. To hear you say that. To know that you don’t blame me.” 

Rey nods, tightening her arms around his body as if he’d leave any minute. As if this was all just a dream. Ben doesn’t mind.

“I never do. I never did.” She keeps staring at him lovingly, the wave singing and gulls screaming from under and above, but it’s just them. It’s just them in this big world. Them against everyone else. 

Her shiny eyes suddenly land on his lips and it takes seconds for Ben to understand until his heart starts to race faster. “Ben, can I kiss you?” 

Once again, Ben stares at her completely dumbfounded before he chuckles. 

“You were never the one to ask.” They laugh, thinking back to their first kiss in the car. 

“Then I guess that I don’t have to ask…”, she whispers, leaning forward. 

“No, you don’t…”, Ben mumbles against her lips before they meet in a soft kiss. 

It’s perfect. Amazing. The Soulmate Connection screams around them, happy to finally be where they are supposed to be, and once again, it can’t be compared to a normal one. It’s with his soulmate, and the pleasure of it is enormous, great, and causes them both to moan. Lips massaging each other and tongues roaming. Causing them both to press against each other harder, tilt their head for more. Reminding Ben of what they once had, how good it once felt. 

But how wrong it was.

Ben leans out and they both breathe heavy, as they admire one another. But his palm that cups Rey’s cheek causes Ben to swallow in anxiety. His rough, calloused skin still not matching her young, tan one. It only mocks him, that even if she has grown older, he has too. 

“Rey…”, Ben whisper, voice filled with worry. “Are you sure you want this? I’m so… I’m so old. You're so young, you have so much ahead of you-”

“No!”, Rey states, interrupting him with a shake to the head. “No, Ben, don’t you understand? What we have, it’s  _ real _ ! This is real! I don't care about our age difference!” 

Her eyes land on his lips again, shaking her head before looking up at him again. They shine with stubbornness and love and Ben can still see the 16-year old Rey demanding that their relationship is right. True. Perfect. 

She had been right, all along. 

Ben smiles. 

“I only want you, Ben. That’s all I ever wanted and nothing else matters. I only want you.”, Rey whispers, eyes closing as they lean in for a second kiss. “My perfect Soulmate…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story to the end! I love you guys so much, for every kudos to comment y’all gave me, I’m so thankful for having such nice readers! Thank you thank you thank you <333
> 
> I’m still debating if I’m gonna post an epilogue (I think I will, lol, just one more smut scene ;))) but that may come a bit later thanks to school (I’m graduating soon, so that means lots of tests ((and graduation on fucking Roblox :))))))
> 
> So subscribe to make sure that you’ll catch the epilogue!
> 
> My other stories…  
[Heartbreak](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035480) \- One-shot. Angsty, romance, cousin-incest, smut ;)  
[Jewelery](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776255) \- One-shot. Dark, Robbery, smut.   
[Straight Line](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639330/chapters/54108079) \- Four-shot. Dark, fucked-up marriage, smut.   
[Regrets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622183/chapters/44157640) \- Loooong story. This one is D A R K and has it’s own spin-off:  
[Refusals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085343/chapters/55226074)


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